Can We Bring You Food?….Well, we have food allergies.

I’m nervous to write anything right now. I’m an emotional person, going through a very emotional thing. And I don’t want to write anything too strongly, so that I hurt anyone’s feelings. So please read this with that in mind.

But I really feel lead to write this today. Not really for other people. But for myself. I need to see that I am help-able, despite a very large obstacle in our life.

I’m not writing to say, “Hey you, do this for me!” I’m writing to say, “Hey Lydia, it’s not hopeless."

My family has been fighting off sickness for probably a month on end now. One person after another picked up this cold-flu-whatever thing. It was like a new person a week took the “I’m sick” seat. I was the last to sit there. I just went to the doctor yesterday, after not getting better after more than a week. I have essentially a double ear infection and sinus infection. I thought I ruptured an ear drum while blowing my nose, but thankfully I actually did not. I’m now on medicine, and starting to feel a smidgen better.

But all of this sickness was setting in at the same time I was getting news of my brother.

I cannot tell you how completely horrible it is to have a head full of so much pressure, while crying the deepest weeping, animalistic groaning, mourning cry….while being a mom of small people. I really wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if my ear drum had blown -- I don’t know why it didn’t actually. (Thank you God.)

But the thing is, the pressure isn’t just inside that. Everyone’s sweetness brings me pain as they kindly ask, “Can we bring you food?”

It’s actually so emotional I’m not sure it’s a good time to describe how that makes me feel. It’s no one’s fault. But the question just rips open all my heart wounds, and makes me feel alone, and completely non-understandable.

I cannot possibly teach what foods to bring us. I cannot possibly be sure if anything homemade that is brought to us won’t have a tiny bit of something that will harm my children (it only takes a tiny bit.) Not because people don’t care, but because I don’t know if each person knows ALL the things my kids can’t eat, and ALL the ways those hide inside ingredients commonly used. I don’t expect people to know this stuff. And I don’t have it in me to teach it well enough to feel safe, while sick/sad/just had a baby/whatever-life-situtions-cause-food-bringing.  

It’s hard to say all these words, it’s hard to say them in the right way. So every time someone asks me “Can I bring you food?” I freeze, I want to cry, I want to run away, I want to mourn how I feel alone, I want to make my kids safe, I want to make my kids feel loved, I want to be kind to the person being kind, but my momma-bear fears start roaring, I feel my claws growing “must keep babies safe!!". I know my brain is now no longer stable. So I try to do the only thing I can possibly remotely think of in that moment to try and make everyone ok. All I can think of is, “No that’s ok, we don’t need anything. Thank you though.”

This of course goes over like a lead brick. People want to help. The whole emotional whirlwind revives, as the question gets rephrased in numerous revisions.

I am left feeling un-help-able. Alone. Scared. All the opposite things anyone was going for.

Let me be very clear again -- none of this is your fault. It’s a hard life circumstance, mixed with my own personal issues.

So instead of crawling into the depths of despair, I think God started whispering a list to me -- things people can bring, and ways to help. Maybe this list is just for me -- to know I’m not as isolated as I like to tell myself I am. Maybe it’s for the people right now, who really just keep wishing they knew how to help. And maybe it’s for other people around the world who either have food allergies in their family, or have friends that do. I don’t know. I’m just going to write it and hope for the best. 

One more clarification -- this is in no way a critique of anyone, or any of the ways anyone has or has not helped us at any point. I know you love us. And anything you’ve done to show me that is taken to heart as love. And I really do appreciate from the bottom of my heart, the ways in which you have shown me I am not alone right now.

So anyway, I’m just gonna dive in. 

Here is a list of things you can think about bringing to food-allergy-families when the situation normally calls for bringing meals. 

(Internet disclaimer: Every food-allergy family has different allergies,  I can’t tell you that the few random foods I’m about to post, are safe for others, these are foods our family uses, it’s best to confirm any food with them.  See if there are any food staples they would appreciate. (Don’t worry, not everything I’m listing will be foods.) And my family is in small kid/baby stage, so my suggestions reflect that. Obviously not everyone is in that stage. I just hope this is a helpful jumping off point for other families besides my own. )

• Sometimes just bringing us any nice meal does help, because then at least me and Blake have some food to eat. But after a couple of those meals are brought, they will go to waste, as only two of us can eat them. So generally speaking, I’d actually you rather bring us random food staples that are easy for us to use. And having them around helps us need to make grocery runs less. Don’t question the weirdness of bringing someone, super weird un-cooked foods. Just know it’s actually extremely helpful for me to not run out of these things right now.
• Ketchup -- the kids can drain us of ketchup within hours. We can never have enough.
• Apple Juice -- same deal. Any brand. Frozen or in a jug. It’s all good.
• Canned potatoes. (Regular or sweet) -- The kids love them -- and it’s fast and easy.
• Aldi’s “Live G Free” “Coco Loco Bars” -- my kids ALL TIME favorite snack.
  
• Anything made by the brand "Enjoy Life” is safe for us. The kids like all their stuff. But our most treasured product is their chocolate chips (any version: they make tiny chips, regular sized, and mega chunks. All are great.) 

 

• If you are REALLY excited to make us something, you could buy one of their box mixes and bake it up according to their instructions. (But please don’t be offended if I ask you a couple times to clarify which exact ingredients you added while mixing it. Just because it’s my job to confirm they are in fact 100% safe.)
  
  
  
  
  
• Daiya Cheese -- it’s a vegan cheese we are not allergic to. Not all grocery stores carry it. We find it at Schnucks in the cheese case.
  
• Daiya Cheese Frozen Pizza -- it’s a vegan, gluten free cheese pizza we are not allergic to. Not all grocery stores carry it. We find it at Schnucks near the other frozen pizzas, but we had to ask a worker to help us find it the first time, cause it’s kinda off alone.
  
• SunButter  -- it’s like peanut butter, made from sunflower seeds (actually very delicious.) If a grocery store carries it, it will be by the peanut butter. 
• 
• “Rice Dream” (Brand) Rice Milk, Original or Vanilla makes us happy. These are “shelf staples” so they aren’t refrigerated, they are stored in a box carton (like the photos) on a shelf. They often are by the cereal isle or sometimes a gluten free isle. They are almost always by soy/almond/coconut other alternative milks. We only do the rice milk.
• 
• Olive Oil, or Coconut Oil. Just nice to have around. Great to not run out of.
• Coffee or Tea. (My favorite coffee is Starbuck’s Kenya. Blake likes different flavored black teas.)

 

Ok that’s the end of specific food ideas for us. (Which don’t work for all families.)

Here’s some other ideas.

• Just any old Grocery Store Gift Cards -- that way we can buy what we know is safe, but still be blessed by your kindness.
• You can bring produce in pretty containers. (Please skip Peas and  Kiwi for us--  they are allergens at our house. Please confirm specific produce safety with each family.) The great part here is, even if we don’t get around to eating it -- it’s essentially like bringing us flowers. Produce can be really pretty.

  

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• Of course you can also bring flowers. But (and this may be hard to discern) aim for less pollen-y varieties. Really strong flowers like lilies, bring on our allergies. (So far, in our case, that’s the only cut flower we’ve had a problem with having inside.)
• If you are nervous to try flowers, greenery is great. It’s just nice to have anything fresh and alive around.

  

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  Random non-food basics:
• Kleenex (with lotion, if you know they are crying)
• Toilet Paper -- who wants to run out of that?
• Diapers & Wipes -- don’t want to run out of those either! (Currently we are buying size 4 and size 5 diapers. Don’t really care about brands.)
• Paper napkins
• Paper towels
• Paper plates -- might not be green, but sometime dishes are too much work
• Trash Bags
• Wanna go more random? Plastic wrap, aluminum foil, wax paper, ziplock bags. ---Eventually it will get used. It is a kindness.
• Postal Stamps -- I find it so hard to get time to buy these. It’s just good to have on hand.
• Printer Paper  -- we go through the stuff like water because we let the kids use it to color on -- and my kids color prolifically. 

Some things that are just “I’m thinking of you” gift ideas:

• Enjoyable Books (Audio books are nice for busy moms. Curious? Sometimes I turn it on in one ear bud, and leave my other ear free so I can watch and still hear the kids, while I “read.")
• Heart warming music
• Great movie
• Candles -- maybe not super smelly ones, just pretty ones
• Adult coloring books, and color pencils
• Sweet home goods/products gifts that are encouragers 
• Example:My aunt gave me this beautiful towel.
  
  
  

Things to keep the kids busy

 (Please only give these to the adults, while the kids are out of sight, and let the adults decide if/how/when they will use them. Not every family finds each type of thing helpful. Some moms feel like play doh keeps her kids safely occupied for hours, some moms feel like play doh is the worst thing that happened to her life.)

For us we like:

• coloring books and crayons or colored pencils (skip markers -- those are a little more scary)
• cute kid bandaids
• construction paper
• water color paints (every other paint variety is too much work/too messy at this age, for our house)
• play doh

So, there are some ideas. But really the point is, show up. Let us allergy families feel love, even if you can’t love us with food. Be willing to get it totally wrong. 

Sometimes, when we ask you not to bring food (we are scared for the food to go wrong because for us it’s a HUGE deal if it goes wrong) that makes us seem like we are asking everyone to be perfect for us or to go away. It’s not that. We don’t mind if you get anything else wrong. Its just food we can’t risk. We want you around. We want your love. We don’t want to be on the outside looking in.

Maybe you bring someone an adult coloring book, and they can’t stand coloring. But you showed them you love them, and they don’t feel worried their kids will get sick from your gift. It’s still a peace-filled love gift, even if they don’t color it. (And I bet their kids will get a kick out of scribbling all over it.) Maybe you show up with a huge thing of toilet paper and everyone feels awkward -- but you know what -- every time they are in the bathroom they are gonna remember not feeling excluded from love.

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Thanks guys, for hearing an emotional lady, on an emotional day, about an emotional thing.

Love you lots!

Lydia

I’ve become fixated on Christmas

I’ve become fixated on Christmas.  I want the magic.  I want the lights.  I want the warmth despite the cold.

This morning I woke up to our first snow. Thick and heavy. Your eyelashes get wet just looking at it.

I wake up bleary these days. As soon as the focus finds me, the gasped “oh” at the sight of my window is involuntary.

I pick up baby Bronson, and crawl us to the window behind my headboard. I fight the roller shade, he must see it all. I hold him to my face in that softest, brightest light and whisper, “That’s snow buddy.” His eyes tell me he’s just as awestruck as I am (well more-so, I’m sure, this is his very first snow.) “It’s just like rain, only it’s cold and fluffy.” Cheek to cheek we take it in, hushed reverence. “It’s so beautiful.”

There is nothing but us. Us and the perfect soft sight. Silence and wonder. No thoughts, just vision. Snow falls so fast and yet seam like it unfettered by gravity.

I am in glittery love. Slow moving. Sweet quiet and peace.

After soaking it in --- only good, good, and more good. I suddenly feel the juxtapose. Last year the snow was a heaviness proclaiming my seeming unending pain. When it finally melted I felt some small emotional breakthrough -- eventually time will pass. Eventually I will be free.

Having Bronson in my arms is such a strange sensation when these moments come. The moments where I am face to face with what came from my pain and suffering. It’s strange because I’ve divorced that pain from him. He is only good. Only lovely. And that pain is only pain. I try to press them together in these moments to find the answers -- but it’s all oil and water.

I do that, when I have my babies. I become two people. Every time. One who is happy and thrilled and more in love that I can ever comprehend. Each time. It’s incomprehensible that each time I can love someone more than I knew I could love anyone.
But I am also another person at the same time. One who is lost and broken and grieving. It’s incomprehensible that I could be so deeply broken in new unforeseen ways each time.

First birth: Broken by scalpel cutting in disappointment and a gaping chasm of failure. Second birth: Broken by disillusionment --- a VBAC didn’t take away what hurts. Grapling with, “Where do I got from here?" Third birth: Broken by what was an unending labor ---42 weeks of truly questioning if I was dying physically, and worse, mentally. The literal labor and delivery, albeit gentle, was still hard, still counts as pain, yet I would gladly have done that two (maybe three) times a week for 42 weeks if it meant I didn’t have to feel that pregnancy.

I’ve never been so helter-skelter. I have no point of reference anymore. Things I’ve always known, I don’t know anymore. Things I never knew are solid truth.
And so many attempts at advice come at me each time I speak, none of which paint any better than my water and oil slick.
And this morning, caught off guard,  I answer my door wearing paint pants, to two minty and apologetic, Jehovah’s Witnesses. They ask me, “Does it do any good to pray?”
 At my door, they are covered in snow, that's melting on their dress wool coats and ties. But I have left and for me it's June. My belly huge, my body long since past my breaking. I’m on my bed, alone in my house, crying with full voice --- praying the only word I have left, “Please.” “Please, please, please.” I’m screaming.
The cold crawling up my arms pulls me back; at my front door my eyes well up.  I’ve asked myself their question more than I like. I pause an awkward moment, I feel like an oozing mess. I wonder if my abruptness is a terrible testimony, I take on another weight. I tell them, I have a church. They give me their booklet. We part while I wonder even bigger things. Things I’m not made to hold. The world is entirely too big a place for me. How does it rush in with the wind when I open my door? Or scream at me through glass screens? I’m doing good to process only one-life’s hard things.




More physical than my emotional bruises that hurt all day while I move -- The food: The allergies. The inability to feel safe. The nausea, it’s ramifications. The inability to ignore, to cope, since food is always, always, and everywhere.

I have no idea what’s ok anymore. What to say. What not to say. What to do.

When I was pregnant I told myself I would just be done when I’m done. I’d feel better. I’d leave it all behind me.

Only. I didn’t feel better. I was nauseas, still so really-actually-nauseous for a week while I held my baby. And when that cleared. I still hated food. If you throw up a food when you have the flu, don’t you usually avoid that for a long while? Only that’s how all food feels to me. Still. Four (close to five) months later. Yet Breastfeeding demands I eat and eat because being hungry sours a stomach more. And a sour stomach scares now now, after 10 months of such a thing. So the baby weight won’t budge. (It was gone by now the last two times.) And I got cavities from the pregnancy. And I had them filled. So now my teeth hurt when I eat.
How on earth do I feed my kids? The allergies. The hang ups. All the advice, that never helps, flies in my face. And that grocery list that has to come up at least once a week -- yeah, it does, it can give me panic attacks, seriously who can understand such a strange thing.

I can’t just leave this experience behind me. I am IN this experience. And as if I wasn’t baffling enough to people when I was still sick past the half way point, and no one else was. I am certainly baffling now when I should be great, but instead I am a tremoring pile of hormones and residual bruising.

I get so tired of talking about it that I just want to be alone. Only I am so horrifyingly alone that I grieve the space I place all around me.

I have no idea if this should be written. I have no idea if this should be read. I only know it’s very real.

That snow is so powerfully stunning. And holding Bronson is better than anything I know. And I press him against my heart as often as I can. A warm compress and a bandage. And finally a sweet smell (the sweetest) after 42 weeks of every smell turning me into someone who wanted to stop existing because existing was more than I could do. But my stomach is still ify this morning. And my heart still feels blind.

I’ve become fixated on Christmas.  I want the magic.  I want the lights.  I want the warmth despite the cold.

Come Thou long expected Jesus
Born to set They people free
From our fears and sins release us
Let us find our Rest in Thee.

E-cloth

So I discovered these cool cloths.

(I’m not getting paid to tell you about them. Any links are just helpful links for you.)

These things are pretty amazing.

E-cloths are microfiber cloths, that have microfibers so small they pick up 99% of bacteria with just water.

And then you can just rinse the bacteria back off with warm water and keep cleaning a new spot. 

When the cloth gets dirty enough you throw it in the wash machine. And it’s good for 500 washes.

I’ve had mine for about a month now and I love them.

This entire cleaning concept (just a cloth and water) is so mom friendly! I've so often look at my bathroom grimy sink and think, I do not have time to get everything out and clean this room. 

Part of that for me is that if I try to do it with my kids around they try to help me and I don’t want them messing with chemicals (it’s gross in general for me to breath those fumes, but then my kids have so many allergies and sensitivities and breathing issues, its like NO WAY.) So I put off cleaning till their in bed, but then so often I’m not up for it by that time.

So having a cloth I can just run over the sink and tub real quick is awesome. (Personally I’m kinda scared to use my cloths on the toilet. I plan to buy one more for just toilet use, so I don’t have to worry about if those germs rinsed off or not. I don’t know if it’s a real concern, but I can’t get past the thought.)

And I use it all the time in the kitchen, for counters and tables.

You can use them on fruits and veggies to get them really clean.

I have two green ones. I keep one in the kitchen and one in the upstairs bathroom so I can just grab and wipe when I have a minute.

I also use the purple ones on my face. When I did that for the first time I was sure of it’s grabbing power! My face had never felt like that. It was almost scary how clean it felt. I had to moisturize immediately. I kept using it to see what would happen. For about a week my face peeled like I had a sunburn (it didn’t hurt at all.) And then after that my face cleared up significantly. I mean like, pimples down to very, very few. (I still get those! Sheesh, wrinkles and zits friends to the end? I hope not.)

So these cloths are great for cleaning skin with no soap at all, which is perfect for people with really sensitive skin. But you will lose some skin moisture while your skin gets used to these. Be ready with lotion.

I also have the window and glass cloth. That thing is shockingly good at mirrors. 

So yeah. I’m a big fan. I can let my kids use them all if I want to. Win. Win.

E-cloths are akin to Norwex stuff (if you’ve heard of that) but are about a 1/4 of the cost.  The Norwex general cleaning cloth is $16.50. You can get two general cleaning e-cloths for $8. And e-cloth has free shipping. It’s a good deal.

And I personally like the way an e-cloth feels better. It doesn’t stick to your fingers at all. I was scared because I HATE how some cheaper mircofiber cloths feel on my hands, I didn’t think I could take it if these felt gross like this. But they feel great. (I’m not saying Norwex feels like cheap microfiber. It doesn’t. But I think e-cloth feels just a little bit better. Which is a surprise since it’s cheaper.)

So that’s my little tip-o-the-day. E-clothes are a GREAT momma/busy person tool to have around!

They have a lot of kinds of cloths, but they clearly tell you that you can easily get away with just the general purpose ones. (But those don’t do windows or mirrors like the glass ones, I’d grab some of those too if I were you.) I have four general purpose cloths. That way I can keep some upstairs and some downstairs. And I keep my purple ones just for skin.

And they might be a really good christmas present for someone you know too!

Guests & Dinner Tracker

As a couple, Blake and I haven’t always been too social. But I’ve been really happy that since we moved here we’ve been having people over for dinner more often. It’s been really fun getting to know people.

With our food allergy issues, I was pretty nervous about hosting.  (Although I find comfort in hosting because I can be in charge of food and keeping it all safe for my girls.) It was just that at first I had no idea what I could make that was “normal” and was safe. (Not to mention, making something my picky eater will touch in front of other people.)

But slowly I’ve been growing more and more confident.

And lately I’ve been feeling pretty good about the stuff I’ve made when we have guests.

It feels like official “having guests over food.” Which I didn’t think I’d be able to pull off.

And I’m getting better at timing out how and when to make food through the day (or days before) to make that day less stressful. I’m not a natural hostess at all. But practice is a very good teacher.

(There have been some epic fails….like the girls bday party where I had no food made at all when our guests showed up hungry, so I had to send Blake out to buy lunch.  And then I was still frosting cupcakes instead of hanging out with anyone. But you live you learn. And to be fair, my house was still a constuction zone then, so just having a house that was free from paint cans and power tools did feel like a victory, in the face of failure. But lets be real, the fail was a hard fall, hurt some pride, and made the day WERID. lol.)

Anyway, while living and learning I’ve been telling myself I should be keeping track of these food adventures. I’ve been thinking I should keep a running tab of foods I’ve figured out for hosting. Just to build up confidence and have a good list of go-tos when I have a brain glitch. I’m also writing down who’s eaten it so I can kinda try and keep a rotation(ish) as I build up my repertoire.

Here’s a little picture of it.

I’m writing down a date (most of these are guesses since I am doing this later) and the guests names (I covered that up with those sticky notes for the internet) as well as any notes about if they have any allergy or food preferences I know of. And then I write down what we ate with them.

I’m keeping it in my home management binder.

Seeing it written out has given me a little kick. I feel kinda of accomplished. (You have no idea how intimidating food has been since learning my kid is allergic to TONS of stuff. AND that celiac disease runs in my husbands family.)

I’m also smelling some gluten free, iced, pumpkin brownies I made for some guests we are having over tonight in the kitchen while I type this -- so that makes me smile quite a bit too! Who knew I could still be fancy in the face of allergies? And those things smell GOOD! (Hope they are!)

If you want to use my Tracker too, you can access it here.

(Or you can easily print up your own too.)

Food Lessons

* This blog post is too long -- as all of mine always are.     

So a month and a half ago I told you we were removing gluten from our girls diet, on top of their other allergies.

     My girls have a number of allergies. The biggest being dairy. So anything that was ever once cow milk (or goat, or other animals) is out -- like cheese, yogurt and the like. As well as any food that has any amount of milk derivatives in it. Such as gold fish cracker. Down to things with milk listed as the last ingredient. They can’t even touch milk products without getting hives, and potentially worse.

      We also need to avoid peanuts, all tree nuts, shellfish, eggs, peas, navy beans, lima beans (last three are related to peanuts and so some people allergic to peanuts can be allergic to other legumes -- news to me when we found out), kiwi fruit, and we have to go very light on soy. (So no soy milk, or yogurts, etc for us.)

     So I felt very emotional about removing gluten when it first came up,  it seemed like too much food taken away. I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to talk about food on the blog, because it was all so overwhelming. I mean seriously, with all the food controversy their is out there these days, its like nonstop failing in someone’s eyes no matter how you eat. Add in limitations excluding you from eating “the right way” in many instances, and I just didn’t know if I wanted my thought on the internet. But I’m starting to feel pretty stable about it all, so hence this post.

     Anyway a month and a half ago, we had just found out a couple people in Blake’s family have celiac disease and after thinking it through, I felt my best choice is to just take gluten out for us.

     Blake just got his blood test done last week to see if he has it or not, and we are waiting on results. But he’s decided that regardless of the results, he wants to cut out gluten and see how he feels. (Since you may not have celiac disease, but can still be intolerant of gluten.) So, bye-bye wheat, barley and rye. (AKA normal baked goods.)

My oldest is going to be four this June, and I’ve not gotten used to cooking for all these allowances. At the point  of finding out about gluten, I had been trying to just get by and eat what I can, while giving her what she can have. When all this hit the fan, I thought,  “No more struggling this way, I’m gonna get good at this. I’m only going to eat what she can eat, and I am gonna figure this stuff out. I’m gonna make it normal for us."

So, at first I just used up what was left of our cheese and things. Then I gave away a bunch of flour and stuff with wheat to some friends. And eventually I started just working with what was left (and some new things I had to hunt down.)

I have “cheated” on my own diet when we are out, because I know I’m not allergic to the stuff. So my body isn’t dairy or gluten free right now. But my life kinda is. I keep meaning to bite the bullet and actually remove it 100% from my diet and just see if anything changes for me. (It wouldn’t take much more from me -- just some restraint when out of the house.) Maybe now I’ll do it.

Anyway, here are some things I’ve learned in a month and a half of all this stuff.

1) Baking gluten free hasn’t been bad. (But I haven’t done it a lot -- I don’t bake a lot in general)

(No picture but) I baked a cake for my mom’s birthday out of a box of gluten free flour and followed a recipe that I totally tweaked for our allergies. I couldn’t believe it was actually good since I changed so many things about it. But it was. Most of us had seconds.

Then for the rest of the March birthdays I found a box of allergy free chocolate cake mix (super easy, just add water and oil) (Found it at Meijer) and made cupcakes. I also made the frosting from soy free vegan margarine. (Earth Balance)

Those turned out awesome. Supremely yummy.

Since we had so many parties to go to, I froze them and saved them to bring for the girls when cake time came.

Toothpick, then saran wrap, and freeze bag. Worked great.
(Once thawed the texture was off from original, but the girls didn’t notice.)

 

2) When removing Dairy from my own diet, the first thing I had to figure out was coffee. I thought I was gonna go black. And I could have. But it tastes better with cream. And It also feels better inside my stomach -- less acidy.

I gave coconut milk a try and I actually really liked it.

Well, the first day I didn’t. I was used to drinking my coffee a certain color from the right amount of half and half. So I tried to get that color with coconut milk -- not a good idea. Coconut milk has coconut oil in it, and with a lot of coconut milk in my coffee there was a swamp of oil floating on top that I’d have to slurp through. That was gross.

But when I decided it could look much darker than I was used to, I found that it tastes great. 

I just use a heaping teaspoon (actual use, not a measuring one) of it and its perfect for me.

This stuff looks more like yogurt than liquid. Initually I thought I’d keep it in a pitcher, but it doesn’t pour at all, it scoops. So now I keep it in this pyrex container and it sits nicely on the top shelf of my fridge door. (Where most people keep butter)

About a week after I did this milk switch, Ruby came into the room holding my almost empty cup of coffee, drinking it. I was ecstatic that I had switched. If it had been cow milk, we would have been Benadryling her and staring at her for like an hour worried and feeling super guilty. The switch is SO worth it for me.

3) Breakfast.

I’ve still been eating eggs myself, but my girls cannot eat them.

(That’s the one allergen I plan on keeping around because they can handle eggs in baked goods.)

They love hashbrowns, but I wanted to figure out another breakfasty option. I tell you what, breakfast with out eggs, dairy, and wheat is crazy hard to come up with.  And I know there are no rules about what you can eat for breakfast -- but seriously, sometimes you want breakfast food for breakfast!

Enter my new fav breakfast:

Oatmeal with some honey and sun butter stirred in.

This is really delicious. Very creamy and comforting. It’s got some sugar going on since the sun butter has some sugar in it, plus the honey -- but its at a level I’m cool with. I don’t think it’s excessive. And it’s real foods.

I love it.  Blake’s never tried it. Jasmine wants nothing to do with it. And Ruby is obsessed with it. And that is nearly always the story of food in our house.

(For those new to my blog, perhaps you know me in person, I use blog names for my girls on here. My oldest I call Jasmine, my youngest, Ruby.)

4) Sardines are yummy.

I mentioned missing frozen pizza saving dinner on Facebook and my Grandma, who grew up in the mountains of Montana, said when they had no time for dinner they had tea and sardines on crackers. I thought, “Why not? At least taste them.” I grabbed a tin of them (boneless and skinless -- gotta start somewhere) and opened them up. 

I was shocked when Jasmine agreed to taste it, and I had to restrain my happy dance when she told me it was good and ate the rest of the tin. (You can't let on you like that she likes it. Poker face all the way.)

Yum! Sardines.

I like mine in a salad. The olive oil on them is enough to make a dressing for me.

5) This lead me to figuring out something I’m almost embarrassed over.

Let me explain:

I’m obsessed with tacos. Obsessed!

The obsession came quickly after having Ruby because I can throw them together in 2 mins and eat them just as fast. (Mom of two littles coping skills at their finest.)

But my tacos consisted of meat, cheese and hot sauce. Now I can’t have cheese and I was missing it so bad! A taco with just meat is lame. I had lots of suggestions on what to put on there. I tried lots of stuff. Found some that were ok.

But I missed something SO obvious! 

And when I had that salad I figured it out.

Lettuce! 

Like real lettuce -- not iceberg. Yummy lettuce.

Meat, lettuce and corn tortilla. It gives a new dimension of fresh and texture. My life is made again. (And its healthier now. Sweet accidental joy.) 

I’ve even tried just cold veggie tacos with a dash of gluten free soy sauce.

6) I had a week there where I became obsessed with a blog I found on accident.
Story:
I’ve been watching Mad Men again. (I love looking at the sets -- and I love that my house could have been it’s set.) Which got me thinking about food now vs food then.  Mainly that now pinterest has everyone looking like they need to have photograph-ably culinary creations from around the world --- ones no one’s ever heard of before but feel like they should have been born knowing how to cook it. But back then everyone ate meatloaf. (I think? I wasn’t there.) Like simple simple stuff.
So I googled up this website which is just fun -- a time line of “normal foods” through American history. (This is cool on lots of thought levels.)

I was wowed by the 1940’s because of WWII and rationing. I was majorly impressed by the stamina that took from the mommas of the day. And somehow in their lack, I found courage for my “lack.” (I say “lack” because we can still clearly over eat on the foods we are allowed -- there is no real lack -- just limitations on variety.)

The idea that they had to think through all the rationing and how to afford their food while doing it, while their whole world was turned upside down by war was just awe-inspiring to me.
While I was looking through what they ate it became clear to me that everything they ate was extremely healthy because the unhealthy items were not even really allowed to be eaten very much -- they were rationed. The recipes were also working out well for me since most the foods we can’t eat were rationed for them.
Example of health and making do, and that intersecting with my life: while margarine isn’t “clean eating” -- it is the only way we can have “butter” -- so the fact that margarine was around for them during WWII, but milk and butter were rationed -- it’s all working out in my head as helpful. Their isn’t tons of margin in in there recipes, but its there -- and that’s kinda how our life is gonna be. And while some people wouldn’t let margin cross their clean lips, I’m gonna play the cards I’m dealt as best as I can.
Anyway -- in the 1940s you pretty much couldn’t over eat because there wasn’t a lot of food -- unless it came from your own garden. Sounds smart to me.

I just got enthralled by it all - just a big confidence booster for me.

I ended up finding this blog where a lady used 1940s rationing and recipes to lose I think 80lbs.
She was posting her foods on her blog. And while the pics aren’t pinterest stunning, I was pinning them like crazy because they might really make dinner for my family.

I saved ones I thought we could make work on pinterest here.


These recipes use TONS of potatoes -- cheap and in supply. But score for me -- everyone in my family loves potatoes and no one is allergic to them!

In their spirit of "waste not want not” I was shown not to just throw out potato skins -- turn them into crispies. Just kinda smear some olive oil and salt (and I threw a bit of garlic powder too) on them and bake at 350 for a long time (took maybe 40 mins?) -- just check on them and stir them every 15-20 mins or so -- check more towards the end.



Ruby and I loved them. Healthy cheap potato chips.

7) One of my favorite thing is just baking a whole chicken and kale chips. 

Both these things seem fancy and are delicious but both are so easy, and healthy.

Put some butter (or Earth Balance) on the chicken, add salt and seasonings of your choice bake at 350 for 2 hours.

You can eat it for dinner and turn the left overs into other meals. I often bake two chickens at once so I can shred one up and freeze it for easy meals.

Kale chips -- my girls LOVE them. (And they even convinced a very suspicious young friend that they are great while playing together the other day. Give them a try, they sell themselves.) And there is nothing that makes me feel more like super mom than watching my girls eat green stuff. (I don’t usually feel like super mom, often the opposite -- especially when it comes to food -- so kale chips are a day maker for me.)

I found a bag of pre-chopped Kale that was essentially the same price as the regular ones (chopping is often what keeps me from making these -- feels like I don’t have time with the kids pulling on my legs -- therefore this discovery is awesome) -- so all I have to do is wash, throw some olive oil on and salt and bake at 350 till crunchy -- like 30 - 40 mins. (Stir at least once) 

I used to worry about overcrowding them in the pan -- but I don’t anymore -- I throw a ton in and stir -- works out every time.

8) My new food planner:

I saw this on pinterest a long time ago -- but didn’t have time with moving and the renovating to try it.

It works awesome.

Basically you just write down all the foods you normally eat, and ones you plan to try, one per small post it. Save it on your ideas page.

When you go to meal plan, take the note and stick it on the day you want to eat it.
Plan made.



What made this FANTASTIC for me is, even thought in this post I sound like I have this all figured out. I DO NOT. And I may sound emotionally sound -- sometimes I am. But food planning pulls up every bad emotion I have about food (for myself and for my family’s food allergies) so I have a terrible time meal planning anymore.

So what did I do last week? I handed Blake the book said “Pick seven meals and seven sides out of these and put them on the day you want to eat them.” BAM. 5 mins later meal planning done. Now I just make a grocery list (which is non emotional for me.) And life is figured out for a week.

I actaully stuck to cooking them. (For the win.) But I shouldn’t have said pick 7 because there was too much left overs so I only cooked like every other day (the meals that would have gone bad first.) So its a work in progress. I was just THRILLED to have a menuplan made so fast, without heartache. FANTASTIC.

If you wanna try this awesome thing out, you can find the full explanation of the planner and the printables on the original creator’s blog here.

     So that’s what I’ve been learning.

     Gluten free hasn’t been hard since we’d already been used to removing most packaged things because of milk. To be honest, I think I’ve liked almost every gluten free version of something better than the “normal” version -- GF stuff usually has a denser, richer texture.

     I still can’t really feel normal hosting food guests. But I think that’s right around the corner. (Corner being a month or two out -- guessing.)

     I am seriously really glad I did this. The peace that comes from knowing there isn’t anything they can get into while I’m not looking is something amazing. I didn’t even know how good it would be -- because I had never experienced it. It’s like feeling normal, instead of fight or flight all day every day.

Plus, someday I’m gonna be good at this…my kids will feel normal. SO worth it.

     

     The next three weeks are about to be a new adventure in food, because I wanted to try the 21 Day Fix workout/ food plan. To kinda make up for almost 2 years (WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT 2 YEARS!?) (Since Ruby was born) of food sins. (After my VBAC I choose to live off sugar -- now its time to cut it out.) I’m still always floating about 5 pounds over my pre-Ruby-pregnancy-weight -- but I think I’ve lost all my muscle and turned into mush. So today is day 1 of this plan -- work out to come tonight (little nervous) and Day 21 is mother’s day  (total accident -- guess I won’t be having mother’s day cake?) but at least I’ll be feeling like a hot momma on mother’s day. (lol. True? No idea. Hoping so.)

    I honestly suspect this to both help and hinder my regular food planning stuff -- but I think it will be more helpful than hurtful. Hurtful only in the way of it being kinda intense on the planning side -- not really real life- like. Especially for the girls -- whom I will kinda be falling back on my old ways of “eat these super basic non-meal-foods -- but that’s what they love anyway -- the are tiny kids! They aren’t gonna notice. But helpful because I can totally tailor it to our food issues no problem -- and last night while I was prepping food I felt like I already picked up some potential life savers in the kitchen for us. So I’m excited.

     So that’s my {food} story as of today. :)

Hope somehow reading this wasn’t a waste of time for you. ;) I have no idea who this might apply to at all. But I write it anyway, just because it’s my life and this my my blog. (I have to remind myself that often -- its just a blog, just stuff that happens to me.)

I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee

(This post ins’t about being vain….it’s about coffee dreams….or well, something like that.)

I really don’t post much about our food stuff. And by food stuff I mean, food allergies, and the way that effects and affects us. (I’m no grammar gal, but I do think both words apply here.)

I don’t post much about it because I don’t feel like I’m on top of it. Both in how to handle it practically as well as emotionally. For me, and for my family, and for the people who interact with us.

We are getting by. We are nourished. My kids seem well adjusted to me. I don’t think I’ve offended anyone too intensely with my mother reflexes. (Accept for my parents that one day I was losin it out of utter terror. Sorry.)

But its really hard. 

I feel it’s difficulty so strongly, and so heavily. And that’s really why I don’t blog about it (or talk about it with people I’m not close to). Some emotions I’m ok with working out. And others I do better by trying not to look at, because they paralyze me. 

Food is everywhere. And to have friends is to spend time around food. When some foods are essentially poison for your children {for whom you’d momma bear anything, that needed it, to death no problem} its really hard to be in social situations because the momma bear hormones don’t stop. I really hardly hear words spoken around me in rooms that aren’t ours, because they usually have food in them. And I have small kids -- and you know how small kids touch everything and anything goes in the mouth. Imagine having a calm sane conversation with people, while your small children play in the middle of rat poison decorated to look awesome, but no one else knows the poison is there.

It’s hard.

And people do try. I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad. 

But food is so complicated these days. 

No one knows what any one else is really talking about unless they are part of the same "food club.”  I know I wouldn’t know what to do for them if I wasn’t inside this life I live.

So I never really know if anyone will really keep my kids from the right foods. Sometimes people wrongly assume more foods are ok for them, than really are. Or occasionally people have tried to tell me it’s not so hard as it sounds. (Maybe not for them, but for me this is hard.)

Add in that they are allergic to most pets -- and so many people have pets -- its just really hard to do stuff with people.

It’s been a bit overwhelming to me since moving. In Iowa were were fairly isolated, which I didn’t like, but it did make it easier for allergy stuff. Here we’ve been trying to do stuff with people, and it’s sending my stress level off the charts. (I had no idea how strong the mommy need to protect would be in me till I was a momma. It’s heart crushing.)

And don’t get me started thinking about sending them to school….I nearly go into a real panic attack worrying.

I don’t like looking the way I feel in any of those moments I’ve mentioned (because if I showed you on the outside: my head would spin around, with steam coming out of my ears, while I run around scream-crying) (ask my parents, I did do that once -- it wasn’t pretty) so…. I try to just look normal, when I want to weep in public. Or I just try to not talk about it, in general. That’s just the easiest go-to.

Anyway….

I didn’t mean to go there.

And I don’t mean to write about this much at all in the future on here. (At least that’s how I feel now.)

But what I was starting to say is this.

I think we are adding in a new level of food stuff.

We just found out that Blake’s dad and oldest sister have Celiac Disease. That’s the one where you can’t eat gluten (its in wheat and things like that.)

That’s not an allergy. That’s a disease.

My girls aren’t allergic to wheat.

But Celiac tends to run in families.

And if they have it, they can’t have gluten.

Blake think’s he may have it. If he does, that up’s the likelihood of my girls having it too.

You test for it with a blood test or a colon something (which I’m assuming is no fun at all.)

So our current plan is to test Blake for it in the nearish future.

And for now to just take out gluten from the girls diet for a while and see if their eczema clears up. I’m just not up for testing them now. Jasmine’s gone through enough blood tests and allergies tests for now.  (She got poked so much as a baby she started not crying during blood tests….that hasn’t lasted into this age -- crying galore these days.)

And the thing is, if we were to test them, and if it comes back negative for Celiac you are supposed to keep testing because you could develop it at any time. (Something this momma loved reading.)

So we figure least invasive thing for now is take out gluten, and if their skin gets better assume they shouldn’t have gluten, and be pretty sure its Celiac. Keep out gluten, and confirm it medically later.

If nothing changes, get them tested for it later on.

I crawled into a dark mommy hole for two days after learning this celiac stuff. I didn’t see how I was gonna take out more foods from their diet. They can’t go Paleo -- its FULL of nuts --- which they can’t have. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to find things to feed them. And I wasn’t sure I could add any more weight onto my heart.

I called my dad on the second day of my hole-living and asked him to pray. He encouraged me that I was strong enough, smart enough and determined enough to do this no problem. I asked a couple other friends to be praying for me.

And then the afternoon of the third day this verse popped in my head. (Well part of it -- I had to look it up to finish it.) 

"For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 2 Cor 4:16-18

It felt just right. Sometimes a verse can come across heavy handed. But in the moment this was so uplifting to me. I really did feel I could call this a light momentary affliction. I mean it’s hard yeah -- but take the big picture view, against forever. 

I want to help my girls be as "whole" of people as possible.

I feel this verse is gonna be key against our food fights.

I decided soon after that I could really quite easily take out gluten from their diets. (Easy being a relative thing.) Because they don’t really like many foods with wheat in them. And the few they do I can figure out a gluten free replacement. Thank you Jesus they love rice so much!

I also decided that for at least a month I’m only going to eat what they can eat. So far Blake and I have eaten anything we can eat, and have given them safe foods. But I figure if I really wanna get good at feeding them, I’m gonna have to only eat what they can eat. When I thought about it I relized I’m gonna want good foods. I don’t feel the need for creating their meals in a “normal” way as much when I can eat normal foods myself. While I’m eating only what they can eat I’m not gonna want to starve or live on rice alone. (Don’t get me wrong. That’s not all they eat -- but they sure do eat a lot of it.) So I’ve been using up the non-allergy friendly stuff in my fridge that is there, and as it disappears I’m adapting to an allergy safe diet.

In some ways I’m excited. 

Somehow the added pressure makes it more like a game and less like terror.

I think I’m gonna get really good at it.

(I’m also kinda hoping to lose a couple pounds in the process -- I’ve hovered above my previous pre-pregnancy weight for like a half a year now, since hitting it, then abandoning it, because I’ve been too into cookies to care. It’d be good to get back in shape.)

But in other ways I’m not excited at all.

Like -- yeah -- I have to cook! Every day. Sometimes stuff I’ve never cooked before.

(Some days I love cooking,  some days I’m way too tired to do it. And I have SOOO much to do around here -- add in learn all this and make it work…sheesh.)

Yesterday I used up the last of my half-and-half for my coffee.

I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee.

Today was my first day of black coffee.

Surprisingly (or not at all) I am actually tired enough to not really even care.

Wish me luck and send me prayers for our continuing adventures.