Dear Little #2...

Dear Little #2,

I'm sorry I've been trying to rush you out.
I get it now.
It's not up to me to say what is, or isn't, a good birthday.
Its not my birthday anyway. It's yours.

On Second Thought...

While I was waiting for my first daughter to be born, I was getting disappointed to not be going into labor on my own.

As I begged in my prayers to go into labor, and as I sat around trying to mentally will my water to spontaneously break on command,

I tried to find some bible verses to cling to.

I found 

Isaiah 66:9

"Shall I bring to the moment of birth and not cause to bring forth? says the Lord. 

Shall I Who causes to bring forth, shut the womb? says your God."

Do I really need an electric breast pump?

{So I'm getting bored waiting for little #2 to show. (Come on out, little girl!!) And with all my spare time, I started thinking about some questions I had before little #1 showed up. One of the biggest bafflements I had was over breast pumps. So just in case anyone has a similar train of thought as I did back two years ago, I thought I'd share my experience. (And at least waste some time on something productive while I wait.)}


What confused me about breast pumps?
Mainly, wondering endlessly whether I needed one or not.

I was entering the world of stay-at-home-mom, so I just didn't see when exactly I would ever use a pump.

The only thing I could think of was if my husband and I wanted to go out on date, I might need to pump. But I couldn't think of a single other reason that I might actually need to. And honestly, I didn't see date night being a regular event in our new-parent lives, what with our limited supply of baby-sitters, money, and time.

So I had been leaning towards only getting a manual pump.

40 Weeks Appointments and Pictures

Cue the strobe lights and the music

"She's got the Look. She's got the Look. And I go la la la la. She's got the look"

Yeah,

That's right, I'm waddling down that run way.

Waddling-Waddling.

I have never felt anything like this.

I'm told the baby is still not right down on it, but let me tell you, I did not get this sensation last time with J. I don't think J ever got anywhere near this close pre-induction.

I don't feel like I can bend anything to do with my pelvis.

I actually got a step stool out so that I can get into bed. And even then its kinda a production to get both legs on the bed.

I think my 2nd-time-around belly finally trumped my 1st-timer belly.

Its currently 13.5 inches bigger than before I got pregnant this time.

Up until last week I had gained 27lbs.

This week I'm up to 29 or 30 lbs.

I think I'm retaining water now, my legs feel puffy.

At least I'm hoping I didn't just add 2 or 3 lbs to the baby in a week! Eek!

I don't really think I could have, I've been eating the same as I have been. But even more salad than normal -- tasting great to me!

J's Birthday

Well #2 has officially vetoed my idea for the girl's to share a birthday.
Or maybe she filibustered?
Either way.

Honestly, it would be too exhausting for me to try and be whole heartedly honest about the day.
I'll just say it was a really-hard-emotion day for me. And throw in whatever comes out as I type.

I was so proud of my gorgeous girl, and so happy to have had two years with her.
And I wanted to be fully present for her happy day.

But this year was way more emotionally trying than last year. Last year was hard to face the anniversary of my c-section. This year had that issue going for it plus, the fact that there is someone inside me about to come out. And well, I'd like it to be soon. And well, I just don't know how it's gonna go.

39 Week Appointments...and stuff

First, let me just say,
"Hello Mood Swing!"

Which, in this case, is not a bad thing.

Tuesday (after my horrible Monday) was so good.

Thank you, Jesus, for the mental reprieve!

AND

photos!

(I think the belly looks bigger than last week, but it measures the same. Maybe its a different shape?

The belly button is as close as it's ever been to popped. It sticks out when I sit. And its a bit "puffy" when I stand.) (Never popped out at all last time, just got shallow.)

Still no new stretch marks. (Just a bunch of old ones. :) )

And I seriously did the clothes matching picture on accident this time. Weird, as I have been doing it on purpose the rest of the time. But I just happened to wear this dress that day. I forgot I had a 39 week photo last time. (I thought I skipped to 40.)

Its so weird to see them side by side, 

my belly is such a different shape this time.

Honestly, I feel like the baby-bellies are equally big, just the first time it was all up and down, and this time its lower and pointing out. 

(However, Blake always says I'm smaller this time...what a good guy! :) 

38 Weeks

Honestly,
I've been spending most of my day trying to decide just how honest to be in this post.  And another good portion of my day trying to figure out what honest is --- because I don't even really understand all of my emotions at this point.

Truth: Today I'm feeling in the depths of despair.

Truth: Most of this week was good --- physically and emotionally.

We're Not A Mystery to You

Song: Watermark - "Mended"

The day was getting heavier.
Just slowly weighing me down.
The clock is ticking.
And I know I have more time.
But I hear it.

The Benefits of Birth Balls

Birth Balls aren't really a new idea anymore. But just incase you were wanting to know a bit more on their benefits I thought I would blog this up for ya. 
They are really a great investment. They are perfect for the entire pregnancy, labor and beyond!




What is a Birth Ball?

A Birth Ball is just a physical therapy/ excersie ball, but when used during pregnancy we like to call it a birth ball. It actually has a lot of great uses:

• It can be used in prenatal and postpartum fitness programs.
• When used in late pregnancy can help encourage the baby to engage in the OA position (the ideal position for labor)
• It can be used for comfortable positioning during childbirth 
• As well as for comforting the baby after birth.

How does sitting on a birth ball in pregnancy benefit you?
Sitting upright on the Birth Ball you have to assume proper posture. It is the perfect position to be in as much as possible during late pregnancy. It is highly recommended that during the last 4 to 6 weeks of pregnancy women sit on the birth ball as much as possible while watching TV, relaxing or at the computer. (But the sooner the better in regards to sitting on the ball!)

38 Week Appointments

Warning: If you don't wanna hear about my inside parts, you may just wanna skip this whole post. I don't get graphic or detailed, but I do share the news of my appointments.


Wednesday I had my 38 week prenatal appointment.
The night before I was starting to feel tense. I wasn't sure if I should be told my dilation and efface-ed-ness, or not -- for my sanity sake.  I couldn't make up my mind. I knew I would be curious. But I also know it doesn't really mean anything at all. (You can be a a three for weeks with nothing, or go from zero to baby in a couple hours.) So I had sworn I wouldn't be told a word. But since I said ok at a previous appointment, now I was lost on what I wanted to do.

I was having a hard time sleeping, with all my emotions.

In the morning Blake took me and J to the office. (I wanted to do a membrane sweep and was nervous to drive home alone the 45 mins if contractions started right away.)

The drive was beautiful. I sat in the back with J. She watched "Tangled" on the dvd player. I stared at the clouds. There are some days where there is just nothing better on earth than a cloudy sky. I felt like they were a cap to hold my thoughts down closer to the ground, something to keep me together. I watched their pale grey feathered streaks slide by me, with their glimpses of white light backing them, and it finally dawned on me --

I don't feel at home here in Iowa. Not at all. But watching the shapes of earth and trees go past, looking so much brighter green than usual (cloudy days have that magical way about them), I finally felt like a veil came off my eyes. This veil of "Focused, focused, focused. Having a baby. Focused. Single minded. Unwavering. Nose to the grind-stone." It was just gone for a moment. And I saw God's earth. I may not feel at home here. But this is a beautiful work of his hands. And I felt guilty for scorning it in my heart. So I just watched it, sliding by my cheeks. Breathing it through the window. And tried my hardest to just trust.

But when we got to the office, the peacefulness left me. And I was getting so nervous that I was starting to feel really nauseous. In the waiting room I tried to stay calm. Tried to just not think. But I wasn't really thinking anything anyway, just feeling worried. I don't even know what she could have told me that would be equal to the feeling in my stomach, the worst she could say was, well I guess that my cervix snapped shut. Or somehow the baby turned breach and I missed it. I don't know. I guess, those are pretty scary, so a nervous tummy is not so crazy. But I was just trying to stay calm while I watched J run around the room.

The End of 37 Weeks, Hello 38 Weeks

I'm 38 Weeks today!

I officially have permission to stop worrying that I will go into labor too early!  

Ha! I know.  I'm hilarious!  

Before I got pregnant all I thought about was being scared of not going into labor again.  

After I got pregnant, somehow I constantly worried about preterm labor, mixed into my post-dates fears.  

Even at 37 weeks I decided to be nervous about it.  

Ahh, the momma-brain!  

So, check that off my list of endless fears.  

Yay!  

One down, only a bunch more to go!  

And now it's time for another compare and contrast photo.  

Last Time vs. This Time.  

In the Same Clothes.  

Spinning Babies

My first daughter was born via Cesarean Section. After two hours of pushing, and the baby not tolerating labor the greatest at that point, they told me her head was titled so she couldn't fit past my pelvic bone.
I, being someone who just likes to understand things, had a hard time with this explanation. It made no sense to me. (I mean I knew I was doing everything I could, and that she wasn't budging. But I didn't understand why.) So at every appointment I had afterwards I asked questions about it, trying to figure it out.

I learned her postion was called asynclitic. And that she had her head tipped to the side, like her ear was aimed towards her shoulder. And she also had her chin extended outward.

So me being the person I am, I continued to dwell on this for basically ever. And one day while googling the infamous word I was fixated on, I came across this website.

It was the first time I understood the word asynclitic for real. And the first time I realized, that while its very possible my daughter would have needed to be born via c-section no matter what, that there actually are some techniques out there that can help asynclitic babies come out vaginally.

Since then I have been enthralled with the website.
Its a really cool resource both during pregnancy and during labor. So I just wanted to mention it on the blog so other ladies might also get to use it.



Probably the most practical part, is the section where she covers a few basic stretches and activities to do regularly in pregnancy to hopefully help baby be in a good fetal position for birth.
Those can be found here.

For when you are in labor, here are her helpful suggestions for that.

If you are trying to figure out how your baby is positioned inside during pregnancy, here is her tutorial for that.
(Scroll down, past the booklet there is a free tutorial available below)

If your baby is breech, here are her suggestions for that.

So lots of good stuff!

And I find myself sucked into the entire site all the time. But maybe that's just me! :)

Hope you find it helpful!



*Click here for more of my healthy pregnancy tips.


(Update 7/18/12: After using many of the stretches and daily activities --- and employing other helpful tips (from my healthy pregnancy tips) , I did go on to have a safe and healthy VBAC. You can read my birth story here.)

Hormone Free Birth Control, Which Alternately (When Desired) Can Aid in Achieving Pregnancy

Warning: If you are close family or friend this post could be awkward to read.  I tried not to get too detailed, but you have been warned.  :P

Everyone has a stance on birth control.  And I'm not here to talk anyone out of anything at all.

I just thought, "Hey, while I'm on a roll with pregnancy stuff posts, I should throw this out there..."

Personally, I hated being on birth control.  It made me feel awful.
The first one I tried was the Nuvaring, and that thing was bad news from the moment I put it in.  I had an immediate emotional shift.  I thought I just needed to get used to it but I never did.  My husband and I now refer to it "affectionally" as "The Devil".  I was no fun to be around during its stay, and I was trying my hardest.  It was just too much for me.
Then I tried Yaz, and that was an incredible improvement over The Devil.  But I just wanted to not have any more hormones that weren't my own coursing through my body.  I still didn't feel like me.

So I looked into This Book called: Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler upon a friend's suggestion.

I, like most people, was pretty unsure about the whole idea.  

Red Raspberry Leaf Tea During Pregnancy (And for Women in General)

For centuries herbs have been used as medicine and the results are often very beneficial. Herbal remedies can be used to treat illness, maintain and promote good health and prepare the body for changes such as those during pregnancy. Much of our allopathic medicine used today came from herbs. Not all herbal remedies are recommended during pregnancy so it's important to research them and talk to your health care provider before beginning something new.

Red Raspberry leaves are safe and helpful during childbearing years and during pregnancy.  It is nutrient rich and contains many of the vitamins and minerals necessary for a healthy pregnancy including vitamins A, C, E and B, magnesium, calcium, iron and potassium.

On Starting 37 Weeks, and Thinking I Was in Labor

Written: 6/7/12

So I was having a hard time getting the 37 week photo taken.

And the mystery has now been solved. But for a while there I just thought I was really, really pregnant. And it was bothering me how I could go from feeling pretty great, to feeling totally overwhelmed by my condition. I was fine, and then suddenly I was really tired, and sore, and wimpy feeling all at once. I didn't really understand.

Turns out I've been fighting an infection.

I thought the baby engaged a week ago. And maybe she did, I still don't really know where she is at, I think she is low. But I think what I mostly felt that day was the start of a bladder infection, that I couldn't recognize. (I didn't feel uncomfortable going to the bathroom. And I'm pregnant so I pee all the time no matter what. So I didn't have any way to tell.)

That day, I had tons of what seemed like Braxton hicks and after that the lower part of my pelvis felt heavy and full and moving my body felt harder. Sounded like engagement to me, but I think it was symptoms of infection, looking back. After that I was having more Braxton hicks often. I thought everything was pointing to baby coming.

36 Weeks Pregnant

Written: 6/5/12

36 Weeks Down!
Mystery # of weeks left to go!
As I write this I'm starting week 37, so I'm full term now!

What!?  That's crazy!
This pregnancy has been incredibly fast for me.
I remember last time I was pregnant, feeling by 30 weeks like I was pretty much done --- and thinking the thought: "10 more weeks," was starting to give me claustrophobia.  (Little did I know I had 12 weeks left!)
This time as of 36 weeks I was nearly oblivious.  Well okay not oblivious at all, but I just don't have that same "Oh my gosh I just cannot go on!" feeling in the slightest.

The Velveteen Rabbit

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

By Margery Williams

Illustrations by William Nicholson

http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/williams/rabbit/rabbit.html

Not Sure They Ever Made Mercury Glass Like This...

You know how Pinterest can give you great ideas (and how sometimes it can make you feel like everyone else always gets to the great ideas before you do...like there is nothing new under the sun)?

Well, I'd seen everyone making faux mercery glass stuff on there. 

I'd even seen Nate Burkas talk about it.

And well, I mean, who amongst the crafty-set can resist the allure of "Looking Glass" spray paint? 

I'm gonna say No One. 

At some point, you have to just try it.