Tuesday, June 12, 2012

The End of 37 Weeks, Hello 38 Weeks

I'm 38 Weeks today!

I officially have permission to stop worrying that I will go into labor too early!  
Ha! I know.  I'm hilarious!  
Before I got pregnant all I thought about was being scared of not going into labor again.  
After I got pregnant, somehow I constantly worried about preterm labor, mixed into my post-dates fears.  
Even at 37 weeks I decided to be nervous about it.  
Ahh, the momma-brain!  

So, check that off my list of endless fears.  
One down, only a bunch more to go!  

And now it's time for another compare and contrast photo.  
Last Time vs. This Time.  
In the Same Clothes.  

I never got my old records on weight gain, but from my guesstimating, 
when you combine the weight I lost between pregnancies, and the slower weight gain of this pregnancy,
I think I'm probably about 22 lbs lighter at this point than I was last time around.  
Umm that's like almost an entire pregnancy lighter!

So...  I'm just gonna take a moment and savor that.  
There are a bunch of moments when I find things to be upset about, and worry over.  
But I'm just gonna take a happy time out here.  

Last Time...                                            This Time

Also, can I just point out how much lower Little Girl #2 looks at this point.  
Look at all of that room by my ribs!  
I had NO room last time.  I could barely wear a bra because it went straight from belly to chest.  

She's gotta be down in there, right?  
Hope so!  

(The belly measures an inch and a half bigger around this week, for a grand total of 12.5 inches of circumference growth overall, so far.)  

I've spent waaaaaaaaaaaaay tooooooooo much time
 this week trying to figure out how this little one is positioned in there.  
To zero avail.  
I know she is head down, but beyond that I'm at a loss.  
She is so calm, she only likes to do these little bitty movements.  And then when she does do a big attention-grabbing one, it's over before it starts.  
I try to remember it exactly, just where it was, and what part it could be.  
And then the next time she moves, the idea I had in my head of where she might be is totally thrown off by how different this movement is.  All day long I'm trying to figure out if she is facing front, back, left side, right side.  
The fact that I can feel stuff in so many places keeps making me worry she is posterior. But then that doesn't make sense to me, since I can find her butt with my hands. (It just doesn't seem to stay in once spot. And how does she do that, when she doesn't seem to move much in general? She's a ninja!)
I'm making myself nuts!  

I had assumed that once she engaged she was "stuck" facing that direction, but she seems to be able to kick both sides and move her arms in ways that make me think she is NOT stuck facing any certain way.  
So then I start thinking maybe she's not engaged.  
So then I lay down again and feel her head through my low belly to tell myself that, yes, she does seem really deep in there.  
(This girl is gonna need her head constantly massaged when she comes out, since that's how she spends approximately  80% of her womb time, thanks to me!)  

Oo.oo...I know, I should tell myself that my pelvis is just so adequate and roomy that she can do whatever she wants even when she's wedged down in it!
Yes. That's what I will tell myself.
So then I will know she can just swim right on out of there.
Good idea. Happy thoughts!

I have an appointment tomorrow so I'm hoping to hear how far down she is then.  

So I already wrote about my infection scare at the beginning of 37 weeks.  
I was disappointed to hear nothing of how low the baby was then.  But it wasn't on the top of the list of things we needed to cover.  Plus, I was starting to do my emotional panic, so the belly assessment was really uncomfortable.  I don't think she really tried to see right where the baby was, for my sake.  

I can't believe that was already one week ago (tomorrow.)  
This week just flew by!  

My pelvis feels different, so I keep hoping that means good things.  
I still don't really waddle and I don't "feel like I have a bowling ball between my legs" like all the mommy forums seem to say happen when the baby engages.  But I do feel like some days my pelvis just aches and aches.  And my tail bone hurts, it feels like I fell down roller skating or something but I've done nothing to my butt.  Those two things combined have made it really uncomfortable to rock J before bed and naps.   Getting the two (well three) of us situated into the rocking chair can be a grimace-causing unpleasant event as I try to find a nice spot for my tail bone while not wedging baby's head too tightly in my pelvis, all while J sits half on my belly.  Phew!  
I also feel like I constantly have to go number two now --- of course, in addition to needing to pee every 4 seconds.  I'm starting to hate bathroom time, it feels like I never accomplish anything --- I will be back again in no time.  

I'm still having a hard time with food.  Nothing sounds good except carbs.  I'm still making long lists of foods I plan on eating once the baby is out.  (I even went so far as to tell Blake I would be driving back to Urbana to have our fav little italian restaurant's food --- all of it at once --- in July.  I'm delusional with desire!)  
And to be honest, I'm breaking my rules in a terrible way and eating frozen pizza sometimes this week. 
I've just said, well honestly there is no way I can eat anything else, everything else makes me wanna puke.  Even my go-to smoothies are failing me.  And with all my emotions of facing the upcoming birth, I think I'm reaching for my most comforting of comfort foods --- the frozen pizza of my happy childhood times.  
I'm still not eating too much of it, and I'm still not having all the other stuff I want (like I did last time), so I figure that if this baby is also 9 lbs, it won't be the frozen pizza, it will be destiny.  And I'm leaving that in God's hands then.  

I've spent this week crazy nesting.  
I feel like I'm up against the clock to get all these things taken care of before she comes.  And I'm doing everything I can to get them done.  
I sewed up a bunch of cute things for baby.  
I had all these "meh" onesies from J that I didn't use much cause they weren't exciting.  So I bought a bunch of cute fabric and basically sewed skirts onto them all and made them fun and cute for new baby.  
I also made one for J.  
I would have made more, but I started to burn out.  

I made a jewelry holder display thing.  

Worked on baby's name sign for her room.  
(J has one, so I knew she needed one too.)  

(I'm still working on getting used to her name.  I don't know why this time its so hard for me.  We were talking about her nickname options --- there are a bunch --- and I think the fact that I don't know which one is right is what's throwing me.  But Blake thought the one I liked was cute, so that kinda helped.  Funny thing is, the nickname only makes sense after following a weird train of thought.  It doesn't come straight from the name itself so it may just confuse everyone on earth.  But then again, we confused most people with J's name --- it's very uncommon --- although we did meet our first name-sharer at church a couple weeks ago, but she spells it one letter differently.)  

I deep-cleaned our room and baby's room (again, after sewing --- that's where the sewing stuff is.)  

I washed the carseat padding, swing padding, and bouncy seat padding.  
We have the bouncy seat up and ready.  I didn't want the swing up just yet.  

I sewed up a new changing pad for the diaper bag (the one I have bother's me).  And then I organized my bag again.  (My diaper bag turns into a disaster of literally just garbage.)  I also made a little travel bag of "must haves" all kept together for the girls.  (Diaper cream, etc.)  

Got a basket for new baby's diapers in our room.  

And just did more mopping and stuff like that.  

When you mix that in with trying to get naps and keep up with my hypnobabies, and still watching endless youtube births with J, I feel like I'm really accomplished!  I'll have to post my projects.  

I think I might feel ready now.  

Well, other than my emotions that go back and forth.  

Some days I think "Yes, let's get this show on the road", but it's usually been followed up by "NO!  NO!  NO!  I'm not ready, I don't know how to do this!"  
It was upsetting me that I was doing that because I didn't wanna talk myself out of going into labor yet again.  

Blake gave me a good pep talk, and I think I'm feeling more ready.  

I think part of the problem was feeling those "infection contractions" freaked me out.  But I've been thinking about it, and those were sickness, so why should I have felt good about them?  

So I'm working on thinking happy thoughts about the real ones.  
I think I'm getting back on emotional track.  

Keep praying for me!  

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