"Hello Mood Swing!"
Which, in this case, is not a bad thing.
Tuesday (after my horrible Monday) was so good.
Thank you, Jesus, for the mental reprieve!
(I think the belly looks bigger than last week, but it measures the same. Maybe its a different shape?
The belly button is as close as it's ever been to popped. It sticks out when I sit. And its a bit "puffy" when I stand.) (Never popped out at all last time, just got shallow.)
Still no new stretch marks. (Just a bunch of old ones. :) )
And I seriously did the clothes matching picture on accident this time. Weird, as I have been doing it on purpose the rest of the time. But I just happened to wear this dress that day. I forgot I had a 39 week photo last time. (I thought I skipped to 40.)
Its so weird to see them side by side,
my belly is such a different shape this time.
Honestly, I feel like the baby-bellies are equally big, just the first time it was all up and down, and this time its lower and pointing out.
(However, Blake always says I'm smaller this time...what a good guy! :)
The good mood started on Tuesday morning because I figured out why my doula was sounding like she didn't want me to make any progress.
She called me and told me has been invited to this workshop at Ina May's "Farm" (like Mecca for natural birth people) and was wondering what I felt about her going and me having a back up for the weekend.
(So she was sounding the way she did in those texts because she is wanting me to not have the baby while she is gone. I still don't like that she was routing for me to not progress yet, but at least now I understand and don't think she's crazy or something.)
I was fine with having a back up stand in, if need be. My goal is just to have this baby. (Preferably Soon!) As long as someone is there to help me --- I'm not gonna be picky. And actually, at this point, as long as I go into labor I'm happy, even if no one shows up to help me! (That isn't what's lined up, I'm just sayin. Labor please!)
I could hardly tell her no! After reading Ina May's books I think its a really awesome opportunity for her to get to go, so I'd feel bad to ask her to stick around and miss it, especially if nothing exciting happens for me.
I met my back up and she seems great --- really cheery, bubbly, sweet and encouraging. (And she told me if she was guessing she would think I was only 6 or 7 months pregnant -- umm yeah, way to a girl's heart!) So I'm all for the baby coming early while she's standing in -- Thursday through Monday.
*And let's not forget to mention that J's Bday is Saturday -- and all along, I've thought the idea of the girls having the same birthday would be miraculously awesome and wonderful! Mainly in a wow-for-my-heart way. (I'm not sure how the girls would feel about it when they are five and seven and are having to share a day. But I bet when they are twenty-five and twenty-seven they would think it was great!)
So I'm currently over the whole "why haven't I had the baby yet?!?" pity party. And onto a new "yay, come on weekend!" mental space.
Sounds weird, but the whole situation was all a really random way of God reminding me that everything is in his hands, and that he has perfect timing. And he has things in store for us that we could never see coming in a million years. (Even if it doesn't come down to an actual doula switch up for me --- It is a creative way to get my attention. He knows me so well.)
So I was so much more clearly able to let go of things, because I saw how the stuff that isn't mine to control, is His. And that's a good thing. No matter what.
And THAT changed my mood drastically.
So then after a great morning with an adorable almost-two-year-old (who conveniently timed her nap perfectly for our appointment) we headed out to the Chiropractor. (And J was awesome for the long car ride.)
I was excited to go, because my left hip had been hurting since Monday morning. (I love that I feel like there is a fix for things like that during this pregnancy, as opposed to just suffering through.) I also wanted reassurance that the fact that only one hip was hurting, didn't mean the baby was in there crooked.
Baby is not crooked. Phew! (J was, so the idea was a bit hard to handle.)
And in Tammy (the chiro)'s words "baby is definetly no longer floating."
I LOVED hearing her say that because it directly contradicts the afore mentioned text telling me "-2 station is floating and ballotable" (Which I didn't mention to Tammy, so her words were unprompted!)
Tammy was feeling the baby from the outside, so she doesn't actually tell me what station she is at. (You need an internal exam for that.) So baby could totally still be at -2, and technically "ballotable" and therefore techincally "not engaged"--- but I don't care, I'm going with "The baby is definitely no longer floating" assessment! Good job baby! Good job!
Baby is also not in the same position as last time. Still head down and facing my back -- good good. But her back is slightly on my right side now --- still mostly in the middle, but more towards the right with her feet on my left. I wasn't super thrilled to hear this, as spinning babies tells me you want the baby on your left side for easiest labor. But Tammy told me babies can still move a whole lot even once they are tucked down into your pelvis. (That's what they are doing during labor --- in which they have to rotate, to make it out.) So I decided to feel ok about where she is. Especially since recently my little-#2 has changed her ways from calm-just-move-a-couple-times-a-day girl, to party-like-a-rock-star-mover-shaker-groover girl. I have no idea what that's about, and what it means about her personality, or what she's planning on accomplishing in there in the upcoming days. But that's what she's been doing. Since Sunday she's been really moving in there, which is strange since she hasn't shown me this side of her much before. So with that in mind, I'm assuming she isn't gonna stay planted in one position for long. In fact her feet felt the other way just before my appointment. Plus... like I've been learning...I need to let go and let God be in control.
So I left happy.
Wednesday was my prenatal check up.
I went into that feeling really good after my good day on Tuesday.
Didn't feel nervous at all. I was ready to hear anything, even if she said my cervix snapped shut somehow. But I was sending happy thoughts down there, telling it to be a 3.
So we got in there and...
Good news, the antibiotics from before killed off the group b strep --- awesome.
I'm a 3 now!!!
That means I've officially done more on my own this time than last time.
With J I never got past a 2 until the induction was started.
So a 3 is my own personal triumph!
Still 80% effaced.
And was told baby could come down further, so I should spend more times on hands and knees.
But I was happy happy happy.
We did a membrane sweep. So let's see what happens!
Also while we were in the office there was a family there who just had their baby a few days ago. Mom, Dad and 4 kids. The kids were so sweet, they all were playing with J and just awesome. J loved them and they were so, so, so nice and kind and wonderful to her. I could barely stand it. I felt like crying thinking of what blessings our families are, and how amazing it will be to watch mine grow up. And then when the mom took the brand new little girl out of the carseat I almost lost it. It dawned on me, someone just like that is living in my belly. I hardly could take the miracle. I had to look away from the baby to keep it together. She was so pretty. And LITTLE! Oh I forgot how sweet newborns are.
Good Day Again!
So everybody pray with me that this little girl wants to come out this weekend! Perhaps as her sister's birthday present!!! ;) And please pray my brain stays on this kinda track till then!
And please pray this little one find a perfect position in there to come right on out!