What VBAC-Lydia Would Tell C-Section-Lydia

If I knew then, would it have helped?

*If you've had a c-section, please don't assume this post is a list of ways I could have gotten out of a c-section...nope. This is a healing post, cheering C-Section-Lydia on.

Honestly,
I don't know all the right things to say,
even to myself!
That's how tricky c-section emotions are.
(Maybe all birthing emotions are?)

But regardless of the fact that I can't actually talk to the old me, and the fact that I'm not sure the old me would listen... I can't get the thought of it out of my mind...
talking to that me, now that I've come through the other side.

If you relate to this post, 
feel free to take the good stuff, that you like, that makes sense, and that applies to you and
apply it.
And feel free to decline anything that doesn't fit you or you don't find true. 
Because I cannot speak for your experience, and I don't assume that I can.
We all go on an amazing journey that is uniquely our own when we bring forth our children.
And I think we get the blessing of finding more of ourselves through the process(es) both on that day, and for years to come.

Weigh-in #1

Time to Report In!

Well,
After our talk, I got really excited to do this. (Thanks for your support! Huge Help!)

Goodbye Hair!

So I told you about how I was going to donate my hair.

And the time came.

Here is a little photo journey.

Before

Postpartum Body Image

The first time I saw my body in the mirror after giving birth to my first daughter, I was shocked.
It was not what I was expecting.
I don't know what I was expecting,
but it wasn't that.

When I got home from the hospital, I did my best to tuck my emotions away on the subject and just take care of my daughter.
I loved her!
I would have done it all again in a heartbeat.

But I was trying my hardest to avoid mirrors as much as possible for quite some time.

via

I think some people might have told me not to do that,
telling me something about learning to love myself no matter what, or something.

But I don't think there was anything wrong with my mirror avoidance.
It actually helped.
I was less frustrated when I wasn't looking.

And after a while it got better.
And mirrors were ok again.

Its just part of life,
things don't happen over night,
no matter what TV, Movies and Magazines say.

Having lived all that I have, since that day back in June 2010,
makes my current postpartum body experience much less emotional this time.

But the time between then and now has been a big journey.

One of the huge helps to me during that time was running across a website.

Its called Shape of a Mother.
And its a website where women can send in images of their bodies after giving birth (at any point after) and share whatever is on their heart along with the photos.
If you have ever had even a moment of disappointment with your after-baby-body I think you will find much comfort in looking through some of this site.
*Its a very open and real site, so there is nudity. Please take that into account when viewing.

I think there is a lot of power in not feeling alone, in places that seem lonely.
This website is a place to find solace in the midst of a strange emotional place.

*If you are currently pregnant (or hope to have your first pregnancy in the future), I'm not sure if this site is quite for you yet. (It might scare you unnecessarily.) But if you know yourself, and think it might be good for you before you give birth go for it! If you have any doubts, hold off, and check it out later, if you feel strange about your body after your baby is born.


Click here for more of my healthy pregnancy posts -- stuff I wish I had known the first time I was pregnant! 

Time to Lose the Baby Weight

Ok I need your help!
I'm seriously lacking drive and focus at this point.
It's been two years of me being really intense about food.
And to be honest, I am totally burnt out.
I gave myself permission to eat anything I wanted right after Baby A was born.
And I have.
And honestly, since my tastebuds were still wonky, it wasn't all that great. (Stink!)
But I got my sugar-craver back during that time. (Stink again!)
So right now all I'm thinking about (again) is cookies! (What's with me and cookies?)
(Too much cookie monster -- J loves cookie monster --- yeah that's got to be it. ;) )
But I want to get the baby weight off.
And eating pop tarts, frozen pizza, pop, cookies and butter pecan ice-cream isn't gonna get me there.

I don't regret giving myself that month off.
And I'm not mad if it sets me back as far as when I get the baby weight off.
It seriously just needed to happen.
I needed some freedom.

But anyway,
Now that my goal (my VBAC) has happened (you see, that's honestly the only thing that got me to lose the weight before --- my shear determination to give myself the best chance at a VBAC) I don't really feel the strength in me this time to get the extra pounds off.
I keep fighting lame-o thoughts that tell me there is no reason to do it this time. "Just eat the cookies!"
And wow do those thoughts sound intelligent!
But they are wrong.
I need to stay healthy for my family.
To be the best mom I can for my girls and a healthy wife for my husband.
Eating cookies all day long is not nice to anyone. (Except my tongue!){Queue: Cookie Monster crunching sounds.}
Its not a good example.
And its not good stewardship.

SOOOO....
I need to eat healthy.
And get back to my good ol' healthy BMI.

{And I need to realize this is not vanity talking here. Another excuse that keeps buzzing around my head.}

I'm not putting a deadline on the weight loss.
But lets be real, faster is preferable. Because then I can get back to thinking a little less about food sooner. (I need to get out of this mental space asap!)


SOOOOOO...........
Since I am seriously not strong enough to do this on my own anymore.
{Totally burned out.}
I'm about to do something scary....
Duhn duhn Duhnn
Blog...
My...
Weight...
Loss.

And yes, dear reader, please {seriously} please comment. 
(You can seriously just write "I read it." Or you can say happy things to me -- that's always welcome!)
Why?
So I know people are reading.
So I can have a motivation.
Otherwise, I'm probably going to be making a batch of cookies every other day, and demolishing them by myself!
So, you see, you are needed.

I probably should join weight watchers so that I would have an accountability group.
But I don't want to/really shouldn't spend them money.

So I'm gonna do what I did last time, and use their ideas.

So,
My goals
are to stick to the allotted number of points every day. And workout at least 5 times a week. (Initially I'm gonna go easy and work my way up. Hopefully I can start swimming soon -- seriously can't wait -- darn post-baby-stuff.)

And then I will blog about where I am at once a week to keep accountable.
(So even if you don't comment -- which you SHOULD! {PLEASE!} I'm still going to be putting it out there.)

If anyone wants to join me...
You can determine your allotted number of points here.
This is a list of what most foods are worth.
And if its not on the list you can use this calculator here to find out.


Where I am at now.
(I'm not going to blog my actual weight because I don't want this to be a comparison thing for anyone, myself included. I will just reference pounds and inches above pre-pregnancy weight.)

I've lost 18lbs.
(All but one of those pounds came off by unpregnifiying. Then I ate all that food and stayed the same weight for a month. The last pound I lost this week with points counting.)
I need to lose 14 more pounds to get to my pre-pregnant weight.

My belly has shrunk an incredible 8 inches just by unpregnifiying. Bodies are awesome!
I have 4 inches to go to get to my pre-pregnant waist.
(This I think will take longer than the weight loss, which is fine. It just takes a while for the whole thing to happen. I doubt I be posting much change on this very often yet, but I will post when it matters.)

Alright!
Here we go!
(And thanks in advance!)

Oh and P.S.
I need you to comment now, because I'm about to go on a family visiting trip this weekend, and that always equates to good food -- so I need to know you are gonna be asking me how it went!

Give It Away

So they always talk about how great women's hair is when they are pregnant.

I can't say I've really felt the glowing-glory emotionally.

(Especially this time, since with a toddler around, I usually have enough time/energy to throw my hair into a pony-blob.)

BUT

You can see from these two photos

that over a span of 37 weeks

 my hair grew a lot!

Ha -- for once I'm not doing a belly comparison! Its all about the hair here...But a belly did happen. :)

My Favorite Postnatal Workout DVDs

I can't claim that I have tried every postnatal workout DVD there is, by any means. But after my oldest was born and I decided I would be losing more than the pregnancy weight, I did check out every single postnatal DVD that my pretty awesome library (back in Champaign-Urbana) had to offer. And after that I decided which DVDs I liked best from those options.

So I thought I'd share my picks with you.
:)


For me, there was clearly two winners:

One for the early days.

And

One for when you really mean business.

It's just me and the baby today

I'm over posting today because most of the day it's just me and Baby A. Blake's parents are in town and they and Blake and J are out shopping. So I have some downtime. And apparently I crave posting some blog posts. :)

This last and final post of the day (I think!) is just going to be me rambling all the things I've thought about posting this week (but had no time to.)
(Wow now that I have a toddler and a baby, when it's just me and the baby I can't believe how simple it is!)

Ok, so in the order they come to mind (before this nap ends), here I go:

My Favorite Cozy Nursing Bra (Great For Hard to Find Sizes)

I'm an entirely different size currently than I was after having my first baby.
What did that mean for my stockpile of maternity clothes? Well, a lot of it worked because of their style.
BUT
in regards to my nursing bras...I didn't fit into a single one right anymore. They are all too lose.

I was trying to get away with not buying any more right now (because I was thinking I might not stay this size for long), but I finally bit the bullet and got some new ones. There was just no way I was going to keep trying to smash myself into a sports bra -- not comfortable! AND I was pretty sure I was going to cause some kind of problem with clogged ducts or something. I tried going with out a nursing bra (like at bed time) but that was no good, because then I couldn't use nursing pads, and well, yeah, I went through tons of clothes.
I hate spending money when I don't have to, but I finally realized, I had to.

Some Cute Watch-Baby-Grow Questions

My mom loves to give baby calendars to mommies-to-be. It's one of her favorite baby shower gifts to give.

I, of course, got one from her for each of my girls.

{Photo Credit}

Baby Calendars really are great!
You can easily keep track of those marvelous firsts.

(I think its easier to keep track of on a calendar than in a book.
And you can easily transfer the info into your baby's book later.)

AND if you want to,
you can write a little something on each and every day,
 and when you look back you can relive the entire first year of your baby's life.

I did that with J, and I am surprised than now two years later, when I read those tiny little squares of words, I am transported right back there, and I can actually remember each day!

The girls have gotten two different calendars.
The one we got for J had these cute questions to fill out at the end of every month, but our new calendar doesn't have them.
They were really great questions to help you see the baby grow and change, so I am going to answer the same ones again for Baby A, in addition to filling out her calendar.



I thought I would share them with you, incase you wanted to use them each month too:

Week 4 (Of Being a Mommy of Two)

How long am I gonna keep up with these weekly updates? Only time will tell...

The past week was the week of the purple people eaters!
I thought I had thrush. (I mean I think I was right, but I never really really know when it's thrush, ya know? When you google it, the definition is basically, "If you hurt and you didn't before you might have thrush, but you might have anything.")
So yeah, I called my midwife and she suggested Gentian Violet.
It this liquid you paint on that kills the yeast, but it dyes anything it touches purple! And it takes a few days to wear off (after the the 3 days of application.)
So yeah we looked pretty hilarious.


I, as a loving mommy, had to take a "one last cute and normal photo" before I started the stuff:

 

And now I apply the Gentian Violet:

(eek!)

Thank You

I want to say Thank You 

to anyone

who has reached out to me 

and said anything nice about this blog.

You have no idea how much that means to me.

I didn't know what I was doing when I started blogging my pregnancy journey.
(It was kind of a 180 in terms of this blog's original direction.)
I think I just needed an outlet while I worked towards my terrifying (to me) goal.
And I was pretty scared to put it all out there. I wasn't sure how anyone would respond.
I was nervous to receive tons of criticism.
But you have all been so kind.
I had no idea my thoughts and experiences would encourage or help anyone else.
I'm actually still kind of baffled that it could.
(Especially when people in different-than-mine life circumstances say I've encouraged them in some way.)
But I'm really glad that it has.
And it means so much to me when you share with me the ways in which its bolstered you.

You encourage me.
A lot.

Its been easy to feel alone lately.
{First happening during pregnancy -- which often makes me feel out of place as a conspicuous  centerpiece.
Second, in hoping to VBAC which is often misunderstood --- it is a segregating desire, since you aren't given all the options or confidence that un-scarred women are. 
And third of all, in moving to a brand new place.
And lastly, in the young days of motherhood, where I have been mainly in my own home for the majority of my days.}
So having people with me via this blog, all through my process, has been a comfort.

You also encourage me spiritually.
I often see my emotional process as terribly flawed, but your words of kindness and heartfelt respond have shown me a part of God's heart, and how He is more likely to view what I'm going through.
And since we have been away from church so often (mainly due to RSV and it's contagiousness, but also due to having a new baby.) I can always use some spiritual encouragement. (Actually regardless of church attendance, I'd always welcome spiritual encouragement.)

Thank you to anyone who's said nice things about our VBAC.
I know that I wasn't on this journey for anyone but our family and our desire to follow God's voice on the matter.  But I spent this pregnancy blogging and seeing the process get so many page views throughout that time, so it can be easy for me to misinterpret the bigger silence than I expected following this birth as some form of judgement. Silly, but true.
So thank you for the kind words that have been shared.

Oh yes,
And how could I forget...THANKYOU, THANKYOU, THANKYOU to anyone who prayed for me during this journey --- Value beyond what you know.
(I wouldn't mind continued prayer as I continue to process it all. I'm still messier than I expected to be at this point.)

I may not be good at responding individually to each of your kindnesses,

but I want you to know

 that they each have burrowed into my heart

 and warm it more than you know!

So Thank You once more!