Cinnamon Oil to The Rescue!

Once upon a time, at our old house, we would get ants fairly often.  They'd show up in the kitchen or the bathroom a couple times a year.

A friend of mine told me to sprinkle cinnamon around, because they hate it.
I was skeptical.  That made no sense to me at all, but she swore it worked.
So I thought "What do I have to lose?"  And covered my counters with it.
They also seemed to be coming from under the counter, so I made a paste and smeared it around the spot.
And what do you know!?  It worked!  I couldn't believe it!  They were gone in less than an hour (probably faster, I really wasn't looking).

35 Weeks Pregnant

A lot happened this week.
So it's a long read.
But that's okay since this is the last blog entry I'm linking on Facebook till the baby comes.  (I will still post.  But it's up to you to look from now on!  And no one is allow to write comments that say "When are you having the baby!?" Just don't do it... I will come and find you!!  :) )
(Curious? Here is Why.)

First,
A couple random thoughts I've been having:

• For probably two months now I've been telling Blake that I'm just gonna wear a diaper to bed so I can forget this getting out of bed to pee business.  Now that I'm this close, I'm honestly considering it.  I mean, I think I've been getting out of bed about 8 times a night this week!  
• I've been having a very strange relationship with makeup for the last couple weeks.  I feel tired-looking without it.  But when I put it on, I feel like I've smeared mud on my face.  It doesn't feel normal to me anymore.  I don't feel like it should be there.  I don't know if it's pregnancy or the fact that I've read too much Ina May and have become a hippie, or just a new awareness of myself.  But these feelings leave me in a weird place on the days where I actually care to get dressed.  If my eyes aren't too dark underneath, I don't care so much.  But on the days when I am looking pretty worn....well I just don't know.  

Anyway,
This week started with me getting sick.  On Tuesday, food was just not sitting well with me.  After breakfast I had to lay down for a long time.  Happily, J was content to cuddle in bed with me while we turned on kid shows via Netflix on the laptop.  I took it easy on lunch and barely ate.  For dinner, I asked Blake to find me something by just giving him a huge list of "not this, not that."  He came back with very yummy Chinese chicken noodle soup.  Unfortunately, my body just didn't want to have anything to do with food.  I was up all night with terrible stomach cramps and the impending feeling that this food was planning on making a fast escape from the belly.  I just wasn't sure how it was planning to do that.  After a horrible night, around 7 am on Wednesday I started throwing up.  After a couple bouts of that, the rest of the morning my body chose the other route.
I felt horrible and just incapacitated.  There was no way for me to even attempt being home alone with J this time.  I felt so bad because Blake has been trying to catch up on so much at work lately, but he stayed home for me.  It gets disheartening in these situations, because we still haven't really met anyone well enough here in Iowa to help in a case like this.  (J getting RSV drastically decreased our ability to even go anywhere, because she remained contagious for a month, so we couldn't go to church or any place with kids --- doctor's orders --- for fear we'd pass it along.)  So having Blake stay home was really all we could do.  I pretty much slept the entire day and consumed only ginger ale.  (And, yes, mentally  I was semi-ridiculous about it, since I have sworn off sugar.  I made Blake call and make sure I could do it.)
My mom was so sweet and ended up driving the 6 hours to come help.  So she got to our house around 10 pm.

Helping the Baby Engage at The End of Pregnancy

...Solving the mystery of why I didn't go into labor on my own last time.

When I was at the end of my first pregnancy I had the general idea that when the baby engages, it's getting close to "go-time."  But I didn't have much more knowledge or insight into the whole ordeal.  

What is Engagement?

Your baby's  head is technically engaged when the widest diameter of the  head passes through the brim of your pelvis.  

How far the baby reaches down into the pelvis is measured in stations.  

34 Weeks Pregnant

This week kinda just slid by me.

Other than our Family Date Day to the zoo,

that we had on Saturday, I don't remember much of this week.

Workout, Shmerkout --- Why You Really Should Exercise During Pregnancy

The idea of working out during my pregnancy did cross my mind during my 1st pregnancy.  I knew it was recommended.  

But in general I didn't work out much at all before I got pregnant.  And I think I used that as a convenient excuse.  Basically, once I knew I had a baby inside, I honestly felt entitled to laziness.  And I often was surprised that anyone would expect me to do anything---I was pregnant for goodness sake, it's hard work making a person!  

History and Benefits of Belly Dance in Pregnancy & Birth

When researching all things VBAC (my personal hobby since June 2010) I ran into the idea of belly dancing during pregnancy.

My interest was piqued.  I've always been intrigued by dancing, and I like to imagine that I am a dancer at heart.  (Not saying I have any skills, but my heart likes it a lot.)

I'm gonna go and take a chance...I'm gonna learn to ballet dance

The other day J was climbing on our ottomans in this parallel bars kinda way, and I told her she looked like she was doing gymnastics. This of course lead to some YouTube videos of the olympics, so she could see what gymnastics is. Which landed us on this adorable video of a young girl perfecting her skills over a summer.
J LOVES to watch this video.  She will ask to see it all the time (She calls it "song"), and as soon as it's over she's saying "'gain. 'gain." I'm pretty sure she could watch it for hours.

Well, I quite enjoy it too! And had no problem watching it numerous times.

Actually, my hormonal self ended up crying part way through this viewing festival.

First of all, as a momma of two girls, I am in awe of watching this little girl do some really amazing feats! And I get all whispy thinking of what my girls will be able to do in their lives.
And then I start thinking of my life. And listening to the words of the song playing, as I watch this little girl.

I’m gonna go and take a chance,

I’m gonna learn to ballet dance,

Learn a little something about romance,

I’m gonna go and take a chance.

I’m gonna live a crazy dream,

Impossible as it may seem,

Doesn’t matter what the future brings,

I'm gonna live a crazy dream.

And then I start to see who I was, and who I'm becoming.

I never would have ever "ballet danced" without the c-section.

I would have stayed my old self. I would have left well enough alone.

But here I am "dancing dances" and "climbing ropes" that I never would have seen myself as strong enough to take on before. And its getting easy. And its feeling natural.

"Learn a little something about romance"

Letting God romance me through some of the hardest parts of my life.

Learning that romance can hurt, but that it is still good.

Sometimes our hearts need to break a bit, to open. But a good lover knows when to say when. How hard to pry, and when to just hold.

I watch the gymnast try her early attempts and fumble, but I see her stick the landing as she keeps going. And I know that's what I've been doing. Some of it is technical, some of it is emotional -- learning new things, trusting that its possible.

And I'm feeling more and more that it really is true, "doesn't matter what the future brings." Even if I only ever have c-sections, I've lived this crazy dream. I won't regret one single thing I've done, and in fact I will be so glad I did them all.

In the process I've become someone else. Someone who isn't afraid to do hard things. Someone who isn't afraid to stumble a bit. Someone who has become strong. And someone who wants to become stronger.

And I cry for the beauty of it all.

And then I cry for everyone, ever. Because really, we all live lives that deserve sound tracks. And we are all learning and becoming. And we all are this little gymnast.

I wanna hold the whole wide world,
Right here in my open hands,
And maybe I’m just a little girl,
A little girl with great big plans.

Seeing a Chiropractor During Pregnancy

I moved to a new state halfway through my second pregnancy.  With my first I needed a c-section so finding a provider who would be supportive of a VBAC was tops on my list when interviewing providers.  During a long question-and-answer session I had upon meeting the provider whom I ultimately chose, I was referred to a chiropractor.  The referral came across as really more of a "must."  Not that I had to, but that it would basically be silly not to. 

via

Lets be honest, I'm really giving my all towards achieving a VBAC.  So I didn't need a whole lot of convincing.  But what really sealed the deal on my decision was this:

33 Weeks Pregnant

I am gonna just randomly, randomly spew forth as I think of it.

I've been having a lot of Braxton-Hicks contractions.  They don't seem to have any rhyme or reason to them.  They don't hurt.  They aren't strong.  But they make me feel emotions.  Like they kinda make my brain feel like I'm getting butterflies (the nervous kind), or worried, or worked up...
I usually don't notice that they are there physically, I just start feeling... feeling concerned, but I don't know about what.  Then when I go to figure out why, I start thinking, "Wow I'm just so worried my stomach is clenched up," and that's when it occurs to me that my belly is tight because I'm having more Braxton-Hicks.  Each one lasts long time.  They've done that this whole pregnancy.  When I get them they don't tend to want to let go.

None of this is scary.  I'm just sharing.  Actually I'm fairly happy about it.  (Positive thoughts on going into labor this time.)  But it's weird, because I thought I would feel "Happy" happy to be feeling my own natural contractions.  But the fact that the contractions feel like worried emotions make the "happy" feel like concern.  It's confusing when I go to process it.

So, I think the baby heard me mention one too many times how still she is compared to J, and has now set out to show me how strong she is.  She's moving much more this week.  She still feels different than J did, though.  I never feel anything in the middle.  I only feel things at the top and the bottom.  Her head and hands down low, her feet and butt up under my ribs.  And, honestly, this week I've been consciously trying to enjoy feeling her, and it's not that I don't, but it's harder this time.  So much of the time J is on my lap and I feel crowded.  So I try to enjoy my "alone time" feeling of her movements.  But she is kinda starting to be rough on me.  I mostly feel her grinding down into my bladder or punching my left hip, sending a nerve-shock down my leg.  Or I feel her pressing, with what feels like all her might, upwards just under my right ribs (which usually causes more bladder pressing because she ends up getting pressed back down by her legs.)  And I kinda think I'm getting a bruise under my ribs.  So I still want to enjoy her, but it's just not really as straightforward as before.  I'm hoping to not over-think it and get worked up, cause that won't help.
 She does like to do this funny foot thing.  It reminds me of puppies or kitties when they nurse and knead their front feet back and forth, only she does it with the speed and intensity of a dog's back leg scratching their side --- strong and furiously.  That always entertains me.  That's my favorite move she does.  :)

I don't know if this has just happened this week, or if it's been happening and I just noticed it this week, but my near-fully-silvered stretch marks from last pregnancy have started getting redder and more noticeable recently.  When I first got them (last time around), they were dark --- like African-American skin streaking my belly.  They don't look like that right now, just reddish and pinkish instead of clearish.  I don't really care, I just noticed that it happened.  I haven't noticed any new ones.

My belly has grown an inch-and-half this week.  My weight gain is right on track at a pound a week, but that's the fastest my belly has ever grown!  The realization of just how much it's grown, when seeing the tape measure, made the fact that I was feeling pretty huge this week make sense!

Suddenly I See

The words of this song popped in my head just now, as I was thinking of writing my most recent week's post.

I didn't remember them all, so I looked them up, and put them down.

And they are striking me as really poignant.

Over the past month or so I've had a number of women tell me really sweet things about what my blog means to them. And I've not stopped being amazed that they would even take interest in what I have to say, lead alone find it meaningful for them. 

(Thank you, ladies, for taking the time to tell me so. Seriously it means a lot to me. And its changing parts of me.)

I'm starting to feel like I've turned a big corner, in my heart, during this pregnancy. The fear is starting to fade, and a peace is starting to pervade.

And in that peace I'm starting to feel a calling to more.

I haven't put my finger on it yet, what exactly I'm feeling pulled towards...but its something.

Something for others.

Something for hearts that need it.

Something for aches.

Something for longings.

Something for hope.

Something for healing. 

And in that I feel happy.

I want to have something to give.

"Suddenly I See"
 KT Tunstall

Her face is a map of the world
...You can see she's a beautiful girl
...And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me

I feel like walking the world
...You can hear she's a beautiful girl
...She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on her word

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me

And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me

Proper Posture Can Mean a Better Outcome in Labor and Delivery

I spent the last month and half of my first pregnancy semi-reclining on the couch (watching Scrubs on DVD) for the majority of the day. I felt I had good reason: My back was achey all the time and walking for more than 15 mins made it feel one hundred times worse. I felt huge. It was hot outside (90- 100 degrees plus humidity). I was sweaty just existing. And I was just bored. What else could I do but watch endless hours of Scrubs while waiting for my little girl to show up?

Well for one thing I could have sat up. Or laid down.
Being in a semi-reclining position for so much time is one of the worst things I could have been doing.
(Both in regards to aiding labor to start, and in regards to getting my baby into a good position -- which I have since learned go hand in hand.)
But I didn't know that!


My daughter didn't engaged until my induction, at 42 weeks, was underway. And she never tucked her chin or got her head aligned straight. So after two hours of pushing she was stuck, as stuck could get, and was born via cesarean.

Months after her birth, I googled information her birth position and came upon a wealth of knowledge!

And I am really glad. I am using all that knowledge to my benefit during this, my second pregnancy.

So I wanted to share what I've learned with you, so hopefully you can benefit from it too!

32 Weeks Pregnant

Is it even true?
I think I made it through an entire week of pregnancy without shedding a tear, and even better --- without freaking out!
And maybe even "more better" (purposefully poor grammar) I didn't even stop to notice this phenomenon until I went to write this post. Which means it was just the natural state of things. Um, it may just be a miracle! A wonderful, wonderful miracle!

Tuesday night I went to my second ICAN meeting (they meet once a month) and I'm gonna have to say, overall it wasn't as much of an encouragement to me. Not to say it wasn't a good meeting, but it just didn't do the amazing wonderful heart touching that the first meeting did. Mainly the time was spent answering questions for women wondering things about how to avoid too much testing on their newborn and themselves in the hospital, and kinda focusing, therefore, more on the negative aspects of healthcare. Also hearing a very unideal birth story, that could have scared my socks off. In the moment I was really tempted inside myself to start questioning a lot of my decisions I've made so far about how I plan to do this this time, just because the information was so heavy and intimidating. But I was able to stay really objective.
So I think what I liked most about having gone to this meeting was the realization that I just sat through a highly emotionally charged discussion, on a topic that had been my kryptonite, and was able to leave feeling totally ok. The worst feeling I had afterwords was just wishing I had experienced more encouragement. But I didn't have any worse feelings than that. Had I gone to this same meeting a few weeks/months sooner I would have left in a straight jacket!

So I guess my week started out with a promise of stability.

Pregnancy Diet

I think most women are aware that we should eat well for our babies, when we are pregnant.

But I know that, for myself, I was not told what eating well for pregnancy actually is until my first baby was already born.  I didn't realize how my eating would directly affect my baby.  I figured she would get the vitamins and I would get the rest.  And I also didn't acknowledge the benefits that eating well would have for myself, either.

Healthy Pregnancy

I've been thinking...

There are so many things that I've learned between my first pregnancy and my second...  

All of which have been incredibly helpful for me.  Some of this knowledge has come easily, and some of it has taken a lot of research.  But it is all certainly stuff I plan to share with my girls if they become mommas some day.

 If I wasn't there to tell them, I would still hope they would have this information there for them.  And really, this information should be readily available to every women who goes through pregnancy.  So the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to make sure to blog it.  I plan to keep it all collected on a specific blog page that I'll add to my title bar, for easy reference.  

Some of it may be new to you, some of it will be old news.  But with the goal of having it all there for my girls one day, I will be blogging everything I can think of, just in case it fades from memory before they need it. 

If you get something out of it --- well all the better(!) --- I would be thrilled to aid anyone in feeling more healthy and confident in pregnancy and birth.  

So stay tuned for random posts to come on the subject as I think of them. 

(I'll store them in a more organized fashion on the reference page.)

Just Fair Warning...

So...
You know....
I've been a bit....
mmmm....
Determined
(and/or intimidated)
during this pregnancy.

Yeah.
I know.
I have.
Its kinda annoying.
But its where I am.

So here's the thing.
One of my biggest, main, determinations is to give myself every possible chance to go into labor on my own this time.
(Well because, that's basically my only option other than c-section. They don't really induce scared uteri.)

From all my (tons of) reading,
I've learned that labor is really, really contingent upon emotions.
Feeling safe and unwatched is a huge component in the process.

So, since I want to try and give myself the chance to feel safe and unwatched, I'm gonna need to take a social media break.
I think I will still post blog posts. (Not totally decided.) (If I don't post them, I will at least write them up, and post later on.)
But Starting in June (I'll be 37 weeks and full term by then.)
I'm gonna avoid Facebook at all costs.

Its nothing personal.
Its just when you don't officially "know" your body will start to labor (I was induced last time), hearing people ask "Have you had the baby yet?" "Anything yet?"is just too much to process.
So I'm just going to take a break.

I thought I would tell you today, on May 1st, 

so you could have an entire month to prepare yourself.

(If you wanna send any Facebook well wishes, prayers, happy thoughts, etc.

 before my leave of absence,

 I'd love it!) 

:)

In regards to my leave...if you actually are interested.
I promise that I will come back to Facebook ASAP after the baby is born to let you know she's here. And show you her photos. (If I don't feel up to it, I'll have Blake let you know. Don't worry. You will definitely be informed.)

If you actually are in touch with me outside of Facebook's platform, please please please (I beg you PLEASE) don't ask me anything sounding remotely like "Did you have the baby yet?" --- ever. Please don't ask me if I'm dilated, or having Braxton Hicks, or anything vaguely related to labor. If I have news and I want to share it, I will. I Promise.

Also...
If you are really keeping track. My due date is a bit a of vague idea. (I know, they all are.)
But I don't want you counting on your fingers in June and saying "Hey, wait a minute here..."
As far as my photos and blog goes, I've been counting my weeks according to my own knowledge of when I ovulated. (I charted my cycle, so I knew when it happened.) (If you are interested in the subject matter this book is an awesome resource.)
So I, personally, have my due date as June 26th.
Going off the doctor's little spinning wheel that uses your last period, they gave me a due date of June 29th.
Going off our sonogram, they gave me a due date of July 4th.

So none of those are that far off from each other, its not a big deal. But with having all that in play I may get to go past my "due date" further than you might have in your mind. So don't start panicking if its further into July and I haven't been heard from yet.

(Hopefully this little girl has been taking to heart all my pep-talks about coming out at 38 weeks, but if not, be ready to wait patiently with me.)


*Also, an side, I mentioned to some friends, before I got pregnant, how I intended on lying about my last period's date to give me a bit more leeway on my due date, as some doctors are prone to schedule your repeat c-section on your due date. And I wasn't about to let that happen.
I had it all planned out. 
Because last time with J, I got them to move my due date to the correct day (giving me more time to be pregnant) but it was a little hard to convince them. In the process I was told, "Well we usually don't change the due date unless the sonogram shows the baby is more than a week off the dates."
I thought I would use this to my advantage this time around, and give myself an extra week.
Well, I didn't end up doing that.
I started spotting so early on, (right after I showed up positive on a pregnancy test) that I wouldn't have been able to say I knew I was pregnant with my fake due date, and I wanted to be checked on. So I had to tell the truth! 
But thankfully, for the first time in my entire life I ovulated early instead of really, really late. So I ended up with 3 God-given extra days in the mix. And if we are able to go off the sonogram saying July 4th, even longer. So I'm just gonna put it in His hands and leave it there. I think He's got it planned out.

31 Weeks Pregnant

This week I can't remember how many weeks I am anymore. I keep having to look it up on my calendar. I guess its like how I can't remember how old I am now -- I just can't retain big numbers I guess. :) Or maybe I focused so hard for so long, that I used up all my memory cells. :P




I'm definitely feeling a little pregnancy burn out. Mainly in regards to eating.