Monday, June 8, 2015

37 Weeks Pregnant with #3

The simplest way to describe this week would be manic depressive. I’m not even trying to abuse the term, I think it’s quite literal.
The week started out manic, ended depressive.

Monday night my mom was super sweet and took my girls to her house for 4 days. This happen to coincide with me feeling about the healthiest I’ve felt during this pregnancy. So those four days were essentially me nesting like a whirlwind ---- Imagine if all of HGTV was one person, who had ADHD, had just discovered Pinterest, and was taking speed. That’s basically how I felt. From the outside I likely looked like a turtle moving at a snail’s pace. But inside, I felt like I was this ball of energy who didn’t know which way to turn, and was trying to make up for 9 months of inactivity smashed into four days. All with the aid of hormones who insist the world would be a better place if my house was perfect before baby arrives. (It would be, but, seriously... not possible.)
I actually got a lot done. But I was very much a pinball bouncing around my house in kind of werid ways. And I drug Blake into my mix by giving him like 4 projects to get done ASAP while he was in the middle of a couple other ones already.

So I have no idea how to walk you through what I accomplished accurately. I’ll just show you/tell you what I did not in a timeline -- it wouldn’t make any sense.

I had been wanting to go through the girl’s toys before the baby came, so as to rotate out stuff they don’t play with, and bring in some stuff they haven’t seen for a while. I want them to feel like they have stuff to do while I’m busy. Of course this is easier to do when they can’t see the toys being shuffled. So I jumped on that.
That’s what I did on "Day 1” of them being away. It shouldn’t have taken a whole day, but  I still didn’t feel super good that day so I took a lot of breaks. And I was kinda overwhelmed by this process (we seriously have so many toys, and kid’s basically love every toy they ever lay eyes on, so I get lost in how to do things “right.”) So it took me a full day. I tried to get just the right amount of toys, not too many, not too little. (I always think we have too many. But I was tying to make sure we had enough to do while I’m busy.) I went and labeled some of the toy’s boxes with kid friendly pictures/easy words. With hopes of us having a better clean up routine.

During that process I decided I needed to bring in a play kitchen that we had been using outside.
We have two play kitchens. (Neither of which I bought, both given.) The one we had inside is an older kind (I had the same kinda deal when I was a kid) and it’s not made to save any space. It’s large and it has play surfaces on all sides, so it doesn’t stay up against a wall well. The girls like to play kitchen sometimes, but I can’t handle how much space the other one eats up. (And they really don’t play with it much at all once it’s been in the house for one day. So it just sits there taunting me.)  The one we had outside is newer and more compact, and can go against the wall.  So I decided that one needed to be in the house.
Ok so problem was, the outside kitchen had gotten really dirty and had somehow filled up with water.
I attempted to drill holes in the bottom to empty it out, but the inside was still full of slime after that. So I asked Blake to cut a huge hole in the bottom that night so I could clean the interior of the thing.

So the next day I spent quite a while scrubbing it down and spraying it out. (I was SOAKED. Big bellies are easy to drench with the hose.) I was kinda nervous the kitchen would never get clean enough to come inside, but eventually I won and it’s looking good and is clean of all scary things, inside and out.

Bringing that thing in, and placing it in a good spot, caused me to realize that we never dealt with our modem and router when we moved here. They’ve just been laying on the floor in a corner for this whole time. But that corner is where I put the kitchen. So that meant we needed a shelf to put them on (another project for Blake -- make me a shelf!), to keep them from being mixed into playtime. And that meant I “needed” them to be camouflaged, so the room stayed pretty.


I went to ReStore and bought a bunch of hardcover books. I just looked for ones that were bigger, had appealing titles, and looked nice without their dust jackets. (This actually takes a long time to shop for, it’s not a quick grab kinda thing.) Then that night I had Blake cut them up. So I could have them be a hollow hideout for the router and modem.

This project still isn’t fully done. The books need to be glued and clamped together.

And I want to get a thing that hides the cords and paint it wall color. But for now the modem and router are up out of the way. Much better than laying in the corner!

Bringing in that play kitchen made me worry that the girls would miss having it outside. Really the only thing they did with it was….Ruby would put sand and water in the sink part. (She’s really into sand and water, and getting dirty.) The sink on there is really tiny, but it didn’t stop her from getting soaked everytime she was outside. lol.

SO….suddenly I “needed” the girls to have water tables to play with to make up for the sink being inside and dry.
We have a “pool” (which is supposed to be a sandbox…but I’m not a responsible sandbox parent -- it turns into a swamp as soon as it rains, I can’t remember the lid, so we had to get rid of the sand. Plus sand is SO GROSS and hard to get off.) But the girls actually don’t like getting in the pool all the way. They just kinda put toys inside and mix it around from outside it.
I figured with the new baby keeping me busy, they needed something more like that table.
(“Ohh Blllaakkee….”)
I sent Blake a link to this post here, and asked if he could make me something like it. (It has two containers inside one table. One for sand, one for water.)
Only we thought we needed two separate tables, one for each girl. And that we could skip the sand part because well, kid dynamics. (One loves messy-messy-messy-mixing, one doesn’t get dirty, loves to respect the original state of things. If the table was half sand half water to start with, by the end, Ruby would have them both equal parts of sand and water and Jasmine would be devastated.) We figured Ruby would mix sand, dirt and leaves into her box, and Jasmine would be able to keep her’s crystal clear.
I went and bought two “under the bed storage” boxes. And Blake built stands for them. He did a fantastic job!

I painted them with outdoor paint to help them last longer. Finger’s crossed it works! I hope they last for a long time. I think we can use them inside in the winter later too -- as sensory kinda things instead of water.
I think I was right though, they really love them.
So far they are mostly Barbie bathtub/swimming pools.
But they are so excited to go outside with these around.

I also had Blake glue some legs on our doll “cribs.” (Two matching old magazine racks we kinda hacked.) We glued the ikea couch legs on there -- since what else are we gonna do with them? And I painted them white while I was painting the tables.

Besides the toys getting all sorts of make overs….

I also got that classic cleaning nesting bug.

Our master bathroom shower has always looked nasty.
 I’ve clean it, so I know it’s not unsanitary. But it never came visually fresh, so it was VERY ugly.

Me and my hormones set out to fix that.
First I made a baking soda and bleach paste and let that sit on there for a day. A lot of the stains came out. 

But not the red rust-looking stains. I bought some “Iron Out” and made a paste of that, did some scrubbing, let it sit all day... more scrubbing, more sitting, and one last really intense scrub and it came clean. (I had my paint respirator mask on for all this, so the fumes weren’t an issue.)
There were a couple different places that didn’t look as fresh after the iron out, as it had after the bleach. So I made one more paste of bleach and let that sit another day.
And then I called it good.
It’s not Pinterest fresh. But it’s a HUGE improvement.

(And ignore that one hideous line on the right -- that’s clear caulk over a crack in the base -- that caulk won’t come clean -- I’m gonna have to take it off and then use a colored caulk (probably almond {small shudder} because it matches the walls, and there isn’t a match for the floor) over the crack later, so it won’t look so yucky. Clear had sounded like a good idea before -- but it’s not, it will always look moldy.)
Someday we are gonna have to replace the shower (as I said there is a crack in the base -- but for now caulk is a good enough cure.) But for now I’m trying to make it as nice as possible. So we are trying to squeegee off the floor from now on, because where the red was, the water doesn’t really flow down to the drain, it just has to evaporate away. This will hopefully keep the red from coming back.

So that inspired me to need to clean the other bathroom rather intensely.

I bought a bunch of tide bleach pens and applied that to all the grout lines around the tub. (It was hard to draw the line and not do the whole bathroom. (It’s not that it would be a bad idea -- I just didn’t have it in me to do with all the other stuff I was trying to do at the same time. And it’s much harder to wash off a wall than around a tub.)
I’ve done this bleach pen technique in our first house with great success. So I was really excited about how it would turn out.
But I’m kinda torn on the results here. It’s clearly nicer and improved. But not quite as stunning white as I was hoping for.
I’m now wondering if you can use that grout renew stuff around a tub? That would be great. I’ll look into it eventually.
I also really scrubbed down the tub. I knew I wasn’t gonna get very far with this. It’s a 50 year old iron and porcelain tub with some chipping. Those things never look good. But I got it  as good as I could.


So now it just feels really clean. And really that’s what that nesting bug is all about.

I also painted a bunch of outlet and light switch covers. 

That was one of those things that had been bugging me for a while. Our living room still looked very “under construction” without having covers on the outlets. Not to mention, not baby-friendly! So that felt like a huge sigh of relief.
Only bummer is I counted wrong and need to paint one more light switch cover! Sigh. I need to get that done before it falls on the back burner for a year!
(Painting those outlet covers…I find so tedious. I needed to sand them first and everything. But I really do like them better than the plastic ones. So It’s worth it. I’m just bummed cause I thought I was done….but I missed one, so I have to bust out the paint once again.)

We also started to hang our guitars. With all the other stuff going on, we didn’t have a ton of time to get that done. And then we ran into anchor issues for one of the spots on the wall (due to kinda strange construction of the wall during a prior renovation) so we haven’t really gotten that part done. I think we know how to deal -- we just haven’t had the time. And then we have three other instruments to hang in a couple other spots.

And in random news, I’ve been throughly loving bringing in peonies from our front yard. It feels so glamourous! (See my Instagram’s pic of some of my other ones.) Sadly I think they have nearly all lived out their lives this year. Thankfully we have a hydrangea plant in the back yard just starting to bloom. (I feel SUPER lucky to have each of those growing at our house -- they were on my dream plants list.)

Anyway. So with all that getting accomplished I wasn’t really even thinking about having a baby. And with the girls away, I really didn’t want to worry about timing and stuff. So I was like “yeah body, lets not do this yet.”

So once the girls got home, the super intense change of pace really jarred me. I think four days is the longest I’ve been away from them. And so it was like the first couple days were really hard and I really missed them. And then by the fourth day I kinda found my groove. So going back to kid groove is always hard for me. But this time is harder just because I’m full of hormones and goals and craziness.
And of course, go figure, the first day they are back, my body decides to go back to feeling really sick.

Saturday morning I woke up early, laying in bed, feeling super nauseous. And suddenly just literally overcome with anxiety.
I suddenly felt like I was in no place to have a baby -- like just shocked out of my mind that I would have another person to care for. I tell you -- the way this pregnancy has been, has given me zero mental space to process this small person living inside me. I know I love the baby -- but it’s SO abstract -- most the time I just honestly feel like “What did I get myself into!?!? -- I sent myself to sickness-and-depression-land (a very lonely place) and I will never get out, and if I do, I will just be in no-sleep land.” And that “Holy Crap” I mentioned popping into my mind last week -- that little tiny ripple of a “sorta scary” turned into a tidal wave on Saturday morning.
Mix in that I felt really sick. (After this long of feeling sick, if I have even an hour of not feeling sick, I start to tell myself it’s all been in my head -- that I haven’t been sick at all, it’s not possible. And then when it comes back I am shocked and appalled at what I’ve been living with. And that brings all sorts of hard emotions.) So anyway, I’m feeling really extra sick and I didn’t know which end of me was gonna deal with the sickness. And the sickness was giving me contractions. So I was like “Woah -- cannot do all this at once.” I didn’t know if I was going into labor, while freaking out about having a baby, while feeling like I had the flu. I totally lost my mind on Saturday. I’m very glad it was Saturday, so I had the chance to deal with this by myself (while Blake hung out with the girls.) I cried a ton on Saturday.
Obviously, since I’m writing this, I wasn’t going into labor then.

But since then, I’ve been in a crazy emotional spot -- "WANT TO STOP FEELING SICK." "Not so sure I’m ready to have a baby." WHAT!?!? How am I gonna do this? Please don’t keep me from going into labor. Wait, I don’t wanna go into labor -- not ready. Holy crap, I’ve been ready to be done for like a year -- let’s be done!! Let’s have this thing. NOOOO…NOT READY!!

I do not recommend this mental space to anyone. Not ideal.

By Saturday night I was kinda getting it together a little bit, I vented a lot to Blake. That helped some.

Sunday I skipped church. I have zero qualms about skipping church after I’m to term -- I'm really just not into hearing “Where’s the baby?” “Have you had the baby yet?” (“ Mmmhmm, I did, but I left baby in the car, they’ll be fine... and my belly is exactly the same size with them out, I waddle still too -- it’s awesome.") “How much longer?” ect.
If baby hangs out, I may wind up going to church next time. I’m not as intimidated by those questions this time as I was last time (when I didn’t know if my body ever would go into labor on it’s own.) But this time was a no-go. Not after my Saturday mental breakdown.

After Blake got home, I ran some stuff back to the library, and then did a little shopping. Retail therapy to the rescue.
I went specifically to buy something, anything, I might like wearing after baby gets here. Kinda like a reward to stare at and motivate me.
At TJMaxx I found a pair of soft little shorts.

 (For a fun reference, TheMomEdit wears some here.) They were $8, super comfy, cute, elastic waist (=fit for a good while). I mean…sold! I might be living in just these + tees for a solid 2 months.

And I also found a cute dress for $15. I can get it on now, so I figure that means good things for later. I’m slightly nervous the chest will be too tight for a while. But there is some wiggle room in there -- so we’ll see. I never know what to expect out of my boobs -- they are very random. (First pregnancy going up 5 sizes. Second pregnancy like 1, or maybe 2 for a while, when first nursing. Third pregnancy -- I don’t even know -- I literally don’t care anymore. I just throw on anything comfy weather it fits or not. Lots of old stretched out sports bras, or sleep bras. So classy. lol.)  I really like the dress, so even if I can’t wear it right away, I know I’ll like wearing it later. But I’m hoping it can be like my “hey world I just had a baby and I feel kinda a little bit cute in this dress” dress. Either way.

I also dug out some other dresses from storage that I can wear after baby gets here. I took out some winter pregnancy stuff from my closet, to put away. So I feel like my clothes are set up ok-enough for once baby is here.

And getting that taken care of helps my brain process I’m having a baby in a more concrete way. I can imagine the baby better after that stuff. I guess because I remember that stage of clothes and therefore life.

So now, onto waiting some more. And hopefully not losing my mind, at any point. Before or after baby is here.

Since Sunday (well Saturday if you count being sick?) I’ve been having braxton hicks. Well I think. I don’t even know what to call them. It’s like my belly will get really hard for a long freaking time. Like 10 mins or maybe forever? I sorta just get used to it and stop thinking about it. Maybe it’s the baby pressing it’s legs out far. Maybe it’s contractions?
I had a couple legit contractions (braxton I’m sure) Sunday night -- that work normally -- not eternally.
     I have no plans to mentally process these. I had tons of contractions, for literally a month and a half before Ruby finally came out. (Well and I had some on occasion, for more than half that pregnancy.) I had no good clues of when anything was on it’s way. Lost my plug weeks ahead of time. Thought I had “show" like two or three times without labor.
     So I don’t know what will happen this time. I really have had very few contractions up until now. So we will see.
     I hope I know how to gauge when it’s “go time” for real this time around. I don’t wanna send out tons of false labor texts to Blake or my mom, so…. that make me worry I won’t tell anyone I’m actually in labor, till I’m like “umm baby’s half out."
We will see.

I don’t even know what I hope anymore.
Like time-line-wise.
I am so ready to be done being sick.
I’m not sure I’m really ready to change my life again. (I’m working on processing it.)
But life doesn’t really always care about that kinda thing.
So…I just hope I’m up to the task of whatever comes my way. Cause honestly I feel like I haven’t been up to anything for a long stinking time.

Miss you Skinny Lydia. (Never should have thought there were fat days then! Head smack!)

Baby #1 - Left,       Baby #2 - Right


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