20 Weeks Pregnant

Still nauseous.

I guess my energy level is coming up. I wonder if that’s to do with upping my iron?
     I’m really trying to eat more iron rich foods, but honestly, that’s hard when so many foods sound gross. I have become quite the label checker for iron though, and give it my best. So I’m also taking an iron supplement -- iron bisglycinate was the kind recommended to me because it’s digestible and doesn’t cause constipation like some iron supplements do. And I’m taking liquid chlorophyl which is supposed to help your body with hemoglobin and therefore blood health. I got this kind, which has mint in it for flavor. And it’s actually surprisingly not bad tasting. I don’t know what I was expecting, but when I opened it up I was like “Oh yeah -- I guess this stuff should be DARK GREEN! It’s made of plants.” So it was slightly intimidating to glup down. But it basically tastes like green tea.
   So that may all contribute to me feeling a bit more energy.

However being queasy doesn’t motivate me to do much with my energy.



 I guess the most I’ve been up to is trying to decorate my family room some more.
I sewed some pillow covers.
I got a different coffee table off varagesale.com.
     (Have you heard of that? It’s kinda another craigslist. A friend of mine introduced me to it. Honestly I’m still more of a craigslist gal. I find varagesale to generally have higher prices on stuff I’m looking for. But I have found a couple of good things on there. It’s also a little safer feeling because it’s linked to facebook accounts and you can see the person you are buy from/selling to and users can leave feedback on the people on how the transactions went. It’s worth checking out if you love used bargains.)
 And I’m working on decorating said coffee table and walls of family room.
     The only problem is I’m just having another existential crisis over what look exactly I want to pull off. (Why do I choose to annoy myself so, just in order to make myself happy? This seriously makes so little sense.) I’m close to figuring it out -- but I’m just not quite there. It’s just the age old, “How traditional or how modern do I want to go” debate I seem to really wrestle with, since I REALLY like both styles, and haven’t quite learned where that magical sweet spot is for me.

I’m really excited about my coffee table and coffee table decor -- because I think it’s very pretty, AND I also planned it out to be kid/baby friendly. I feel like I pulled off a major secret football play for the win here or something. (I’m sure I said that wrong -- I don’t know anything about sports.) So I think I will give that it’s own post.

I’ve also been selling some stuff on craigslist this week.

Back in Iowa we bought this loveseat thing from the university’s overstock store,

 It worked out great for our tiny space. It gave us the chance to fit a “love seat” in the small room.

We got the room’s act together better, once we built our toy cabinets:

And we also bought some green chairs there too, for around our table.

I loved them. 

I thought they gave us a quaint sorta industrial mid-century vibe. (Not that I was trying super hard to pull off any certain look. I knew we were just renting a “for now” place.) 

Anyway, I can’t remember now, but I think we either spent $12 for the couch and chairs. Or the couch thing was $12. But I do remember one of the chairs cost $0.75 and I was thrilled because I’d spent more on gum!

But they don’t work in this house. So after really making sure I couldn’t get them to work here, I put them on craigslist.
(Now we did haul them from Iowa to Illinois -- so that costs money, which I should probably somehow add to what we paid for them in general -- but I’m not really gonna count that since we had to move all our stuff no matter what.)

Anyway. I listed the couch on craigslist for $30, thinking someone would talk me down. And actually thinking no one would want it -- because I like weird stuff. But someone actually offered us $75 for it if we would deliver it. “Um Yes please.” I paid $12 for this thing! I made $63 off of it! Not bad!

(Can anyone else sense my urge to become a picker (a la: "American Pickers” the TV show) growing a bit out of control at the moment?)

Same with the chairs. I’ve sold 2 so far for $20, and have inquiries about the third. (I ruined the fourth one with paint.)
So far I’ve made something like $80 off these things. NOT BAD.

(New career here I come? I was just telling Blake I want to be someone who knows stuff on Antiques Road show -- and I would ATTACK the thrift stores and make millions!)

As far as the pregnancy:

Baby is getting surprisingly strong. He or she’s been getting good at kicks that show through my belly -- like a pond ripple kind show. (Not like you can see a foot.)

Some days I feel optimistic through my nausea. Some days I feel sad.
I’m really hoping I will start to feel better. But I honestly don’t hold out hope. I want to brace myself for the “maybe it will stick till the end” and if it doesn’t just be happily surprised. I want to be strong enough to make it through to the end if it doesn’t go away.


Belly:
My belly literally seemed to grow before my eyes this week. For real. Like I would get up, walk around, catch a glimpse of my belly from above and think “Umm are you seriously like two inches bigger than last time I got up and walked around, like two hours ago?” And that was not a one time occurrence. I feel like my belly did round 2 (or round one million?) of “I popped” this week.

 

I’m just waiting for the grocery store strangers to start asking me if I am due tomorrow. Because I’m really pretty sure I look like some people’s full term already. So if they do ask: I plan to just start lying and say, “Yes, my due date was yesterday.” (I’m actually quite good at “past my due date” conversations -- I’ll be really convincing.) Like they actually care or will ever see me again. Answering them with what they want to hear makes more sense than arguing. We’ll both have more fun this way. I’ll probably just agree with their gender guesses and pretty much anything else they throw at me. Third pregnancy man, I don’t care.

I did just have a friend tell me a reassuring tid-bit: that a friend of hers is expecting her third baby, and her belly got huge around 20 weeks but then didn’t seem to change much from then to 30 weeks. I’m really glad she told me that. AND I really hope that’s true for me -- because I seriously had begun to fear that I wouldn’t be able to walk come June if I keep growing at this rate.

Random clothes thought: I’ve decided this shirt is a good one, I feel like it makes me seem less “very-pregnant” :)

      Recently I’ve been trying to come to terms, like in a real and deep way, with my size. It’s been emotionally hard for me this pregnancy because I haven’t been able to eat well or exercise like last time. So a lot of times I want to blame myself for being bigger this time than last time. 

     I’m having to come to terms with the reality of my situation and stop blaming myself for it. I didn’t do anything to cause my body to feel very sick this time. And I can’t find a way to change it. So I will be strong in a new way this time. I will be strong just by getting through the hardness, the best I can. Which won’t look like last time, because it’s different this time.

     I’m starting to relent to myself that I might just be bigger this time, because this is the third time my belly has held a baby inside -- it’s been stretched out before, it’s prone to growth.

     And I’m starting to remember what’s important. Not my waistline. Not my figure. My health. And even if I can’t do what I’m used to do for health. I can be mentally healthy about this bodily change.

     I have begun to remind myself that I lost my pregnancy weight after both my first two pregnancies (despite the way I ate, and despite the different amounts of weight I gained) in the same exact amount of time. And that even after I lost that weight, I still had to give my body time to reshape away from pregnancy. 

    I’ve decided I don’t mind if it takes me longer this time to lose the weight. I’m gaining more than weight, I’m gaining more family. 

    And I’ve also decided to stop fearing that I won’t lose the weight. I’ve decided I will be healthy post-baby because I enjoy it, not for any other reason. 

     So I’m going to try and enjoy my “hugeness” from here on out.