Ok...one more book.

I may as well change my blog's name to Lydia's Book Club.
That's all I talk about anymore.

But I think that will change soon.

We are gonna start house shopping soon. And so I'll probably forget all about books.

(I am SO excited to house shop I literally could not sleep. And it had nothing to do with babies. It was all in my head. <SIGH> I am just seriously lacking on so many sleep-fronts!)


Anyway...

One more book.

I was looking at blogs before about how to cope as an introvert mom.

Because once I had two kids it really dawned on me that I AM an introvert.
I've always known I was one.
But once I had two kids, I have been DYING for my introvert-down-time to recharge.

I could recharge during naps with one baby. But now with a baby and a toddler/preschooler  at once I feel like I do not get ANY chance to be alone and think and hear nothing around me. (Man before I had kids, I gave myself SO much of that.) And I gotta say -- it feels like sleep deprivation to me. Like even if I was getting enough sleep I would feel the same twitchy, irritable, foggy, just-wanna-eat-to-maybe-fix-this? feeling I get from not getting enough sleep. Because I am not recharged. (So when you mix that with not actually sleeping as well -- sheesh!)

Anyway,
on one of these blogs I started reading the comments and someone mentioned this book.

I looked it up and was automatically fascinated. (I was able to get it as an interlibrary loan.)

MotherStyles: 

Using Personality Type to Discover Your Parenting Strengths

Yes the cover is terribly terribly ugly and weird and unappealing. But....let us all remember:
"You can't judge a book by its cover."
(But those of us who like pretty things do wish we could give some makeovers!)


Its essentially taking your Myers Briggs Personality and applying it to being a mom.
So this is for extraverts just as much as introverts. It covers all the Myers Briggs Personas.

It pulls out your strengths and struggles in motherhood.

I like the author.
This may have something to do that she is my personality type. :) INFJ (And I get excited to meet or hear about someone with my type because it's really rare -- less than 1% of the population -- explains why I often feel like an odd ball!)
But I also like that she goes on to really lay out there what we kinda let happen in our minds when we try to be "super mom."  Like the idea that we should be always be consistent but we need to be flexible. I mean: yeah. In some ways. Yeah. But personality types have a way in which we lean -- more consistent or more flexible. And we can end up beating ourselves up trying to be it all, all the time.

In reading this book, it was the first time I was able to really let go of the idea of super mom. (And I didn't think I thought I wanted to be super mom to start with. But I did.) I've seen blogs posted on Facebook saying "Its ok if you are not super mom" but I always just got annoyed at those for one reason or another. This book was so clear in showing that super mom is kinda just a compilation of every mom mixed together -- and once I saw that I was like "oh....then....yeah...I can only be me." And since the author tells you what your strengths are, you feel more happy about that.

Also in the same sort of vein of super mom, I was able to see that some of my mom's strong strengths are my most direct weaknesses. And somehow reading that helped me to kinda let go of trying to make her strengths happen in my home. Because it's just really, really, really, really hard for me to even get close. And its never going to be my strong point. I have different ones. And that's ok.

She also lays out there a few ideas on how to cope with your struggles as a mom.
And I gotta say -- I felt really validated by what she wrote on mine. Because I had been making game plans to do what she was saying to do in my head (planning on implementing once we move -- since its kinda hard to do in transition-land) but I was feeling super guilt ridden about it. I felt like it made me wimpy. But just reading that its a good idea -- makes me feel like "ahhh." And more adapt to actually do it because I can see its a real need for me -- not a "wimpy-ness."

She also talks about how we can glean help and strength from other moms. And somehow in the clarity of seeing it laid out like this, I got the concept much better. Instead of mom-envy I can have mom-appreciation.

And she talks about how personalities can fit together in families. Kids and dads with moms.

I found it validating reading through all of it, including the part where she helps you figure out your personality type. Because despite having already known mine, she walks you through it with examples of being a mom. So I could sit there and think "Oh man I SO do that!" And its nice to know other moms do to.

I wish I could have read this before I became a mom. I think I would have liked knowing this stuff before hand. I doubt that I would have really grasped it or taken it seriously enough. But it would have been cool if Blake and I could have looked at it and talked about how to allow those coping ideas into our lives more readily, easily and earlier on. As well as budget for them. I think we could have supported each other in a more in-tuned way as we entered parenthood. (And even though this book is written to moms, you can look at your partner's personality type and still see his essence coming through loud and clear. So you can see what he likes and needs too. It will just be in a man way.)

Anyway...
If you are wanting to know your strengths as a mom,
Or needing a bit of "how do I work with myself on the stresses" advice. (There isn't TONS on that, but the small amount can feel really reassuring.)
Or just want to figure out a friend of yours, or a mother-in-law or sister-in-law etc,
Or you just really like Myers Briggs stuff,
then I think this book would be a great read for ya!

I'm really enjoying it and very happy I learned it exists!

Loved This Book.

You should see the pile of books I brought home from the library.  Its huge. I'm not sure I'll get through it all. But I am somehow on a roll.

I think I'm just trying to feel productive while I wait to move this winter.

Anyway,

I just finished this book and just have to share with you about it.

Spirit-led Parenting: From Free to Freedom in Baby's First Year

I think I first heard of this book when I was pregnant with my second baby.

Since the title includes the words "Baby's First Year" I figured I had missed the boat on it. I'd done first baby's first year. So I forgot all about it.

Recently on my library devouring bonanza I saw it and grabbed it, I think just because I was book hungry. I figured I'd super-missed the boat now, since I've done two baby's first years, but I was looking forward to reading it just for kicks.

Oh my goodness. 

It was just what I needed.

(After year-one, of baby-two!)

I'd highly recommend it to Christian mommas of small ones. (ESPECIALLY any sleep deprived ones.) (And not just the first time mommas.) If you are feeling any fear or doubt in your young momma days, or just need some encouragement in the hardship of mothering, I think you'll get something out of this.

It's really encouraging. It spends its pages pointing you towards God and his leading for your specific child and your family. 

It reassures you that just because what you are doing isn't what certain book or certain mind frame told you is "best" doesn't mean you are wrong or you are failing. That God knows you and your baby and your family and He has the strength, knowledge and power to lead you in the right ways for your family because He loves us individually, and He knows us each intimately.

I very much related to the raw feelings of the authors, as well as some other women's shared throughout. I know for me entering motherhood was shockingly emotional.  (And I'm an emotional person. So you'd think it wouldn't surprise me!)

But before my baby was in my arms I "knew" all sorts of stuff. And once she was there in my arms, I knew nothing. Or at least that's how I felt. Because all the stuff I had decided before hand didn't seem right anymore.

But what I found out is God really does equip mommas with the instincts for their baby.

And I was graced with a peace about that through most my first daughter's young life. Overall for the most part I was completely at peace with tuning into my instincts and trusting that God put them there for a reason. But there was a voice of doubt kind of constantly saying "You are just doing this because you aren't strong enough to do it the better way." For the most part I was able to ignore that voice. But I do wish I could have read this book then to cement it all in my mind that God was the one leading and guiding me and it was the right way for us. (And then I could have told that voice to get lost.)

I actually have some really beautiful proof that God gives mommas the right instincts for their babies.

True Story.

I ran to Target. Between the naps. (This isn't leisure shopping -- time is of the essence.)
This time of day requires food on the go.
It's raining outside. So Jasmine "needed" her umbrella -- that means I need to be making sure Ruby doesn't get decapitated or blinded by it.
So getting in the car takes longer than the usual long.

I find the hilariously too large of cart that Jasmine insists on having. The one that can hold three kids. But I have only two. She just wants to have to seat belts in it. "So she's safe." (The usual scenario of Ruby in the front buckled. And her in the back not buckled is clearly negligent on my part.)

In the isle:
Of course after finding that huge cart and then maneuvering it through isles not made for it's size, they both want out.
They were running around, Ruby was pulling all the tags off the sock racks. 
Jasmine was assigned to help me with Ruby. However that only equated to her yelling, "Mom!!! She's running away!!" every 3 seconds regardless of any moment on Ruby's part.
Then I found out I needed to change a poopy diaper.
I had been trying hopelessly to find Blake some socks, but I couldn't stop for long enough to figure out which sock was which.
I had this coupon, which while I was at home seemed like a great deal. $5 off!! Nice!!
Once I was at the store, I was pretty sure I'd have handed over $10 to go back in time and just stay home.
Dispite all this, I was there, so I wanted to try something on. ( I also figured I could change a poopy diaper in the fitting room. )
As we headed that way 3 young women appeared at the fitting room desk. The one who seemed the least like she was working (she was just leaning on the desk all chatty like) suddenly said while looking at Ruby, "I wish they could stay that small forever."

-------------------

Interlude into my head

Some Solutions

I just went back and found some posts where I was sharing how I was trying to figure out some stuff as a new mom. (Well... some of the issues don't have that much to do with being a mom -- just my life -- like the closets in our rented duplex.)

And since I have figured some of it out for myself, I thought I would share.

I apologize in advance, this post is just gonna be kinda a jumble of stuff.

The first solution I wanna share was my struggle to "Understanding The Toddler Mind."

Nearly a year ago, I shared with you how I just don't understand small children.

For some reason I get babies. Maybe because its pretty much eating, sleeping and cleaning.

But once they can show me a mind of their own, I'm lost.

I have never spent time around kids, unless you count when they were my peers, loooong before becoming a mom. My life just kinda lined up in a way that I never was around people much younger than me. And I never baby sat or anything. I also didn't take any classes on kids (unless you count that one in high school where they basically tried to scare teenagers away from getting pregnant by showing labor movies, giving you a fake baby doll that cries all night, and telling you how expensive kids are.)

So I've been lost. REALLY lost since Jasmine turned two.

I tried looking for some books, but I didn't come across what I was looking for until now.

(So, I totally missed out understand two year olds! :) We have moved on to being confused by three year olds now.)

I just grabbed this book of the library shelf this past week and I am LOVING it!

Its called: "Your Three Year Old: Friend or Enemy" by Louise Bates Ames. (I found the inclusion of the word "Enemy" a turn off, but I get the usage of it, and I'm glad I still grabbed the book despite my idealism.)

I don't know if anyone else would like it. But its seriously EXACTLY what I was hoping to find. Just a book that explains what a person of that age is like: what they are capable of, what they find difficult, what a stereotypical persona of that age looks like, what they enjoy, what they dislike, basics of their day and how they see the world.

Its like the author read my mind on what I needed to know.

Now the book is a little older. It came out in 1985. So I read a couple reviews on amazon of some of her books where people were thinking it didn't apply now. But, I can say for me its a total hit. The author acknowledges that every kid is an individual and they each go through things in their own way -- but the generalizations she makes really do fit what me and Jasmine are going through. And I find it really reassuring because I never could tell before I read this if she was doing something strange, or something that needs correction, or if its just an age appropriate thing she will out grow. And as long as I know its just an age thing I don't feel compelled to worry about it any more. And I can take deep breathes and just say, "It will get better."

I'll be going back and reading the one year old and two year old books for Ruby's sake. And I'll definitely be reading the four year old book and likely the rest too. (They go up to nine years old, and then there is a book covering 10 -14 years old.) The one I'm reading is really helping me out, so I'm definitely looking forward to the others.

Ok moving on to clothes:

Around Thanksgiving last year I whined about having no nice jeans and not being able to find underwear that fit, are cute, comfy and not wedgie machines.

Waiting is Painful. {Part 2}

Yesterday I left off half way through sharing the hardest parts of my second pregnancy -- emotionally, as I waited for a VBAC.

39 Weeks. On Jasmine's 2nd Birthday.

So today I'm just gonna dive right in and finish it up.

• Through my pregnancy, well at least once we moved, I swam laps for exercise. I loved it. But it was a love hate relationship. Because every time I went I felt like I was fighting for it --- fighting for the ability to VBAC. And so I had to face my fears and myself every day in that pool. Usually about half of my 30 mins was spent talking myself down from a place of worry about something, and then those sweet endorphins would kick in and for the rest I was able to just glide and forget. I was so grateful. Those workouts were one of the only things that kept me sane during my pregnancy. But there was one day where I was just so full of deep, deep need to "win" (win what? Win back what I lost I guess. I wasn't sure. But it was strong.) that I couldn't calm down like I was used to half way through. I just stayed tense and mad. So that day I swam like I've never swam before or since. Just full speed. Like my life depended on it. Pulling my body down the lane with every single fiber of the muscles in my arms, while my legs furiously fumed at the monsters behind me. I went until I thought my heart might just explode, and I kinda considered how that might be bad for the baby, but I knew I had to do something in the pool that day. I didn't quite know what it was, but I was going to do it. I spent the rest of my lap time doing that, until I finally felt like I swam fast enough to leave what ever monster was behind me, behind me. And I left the pool feeling accomplished but worn clean out. That feeling comes back to me sort of regularly. The memory of all that.

Why it turned out ok:
Well I did a couple posts (1 & 2) on why working out while you are pregnant is a good thing. And I am so sold on that after my experiences. I'm so glad I did those work outs. They were so important to my hormonal emotional stability that Blake would tell me to make sure I got those work outs in because he could see me starting to crack when I would miss them. And doing all that hard work really did pay off. I did not gain as much pregnancy weight, I looked better and felt better, and I was much more able to keep up with labor this time.

• The next hard thing was this trip to the doctor. For insurance coverage on chiropractic care, I had to go to our college health center. (Blake's not a student any more, but the system is dumb and gives him student insurance.) Where doctor, a non-OBGYN doctor, told me about how scary and deadly birth is and how since I've had a c-section I would need another one. And I had to sit through that so I could get a tiny bit of insurance reimbursement for chiropractic treatment. (Which he lamely told me would not make my pelvis bigger. That's when I almost rampaged. But instead, I just nearly-yelled how I didn't want my pelvis any bigger I wanted proper alignment.)

Why it turned out ok: It was the only reason I ended up going to an ICAN meeting. Which I got an immense amount of healing and help and support from. AND I got to prove that guy really really wrong. And I never had to see him again.

Waiting is Painful. {Part 1}

I really don't know why this just won't leave my head. I don't know if its some residual emotional healing I need to undergo or if maybe this post might encourage or prepare someone else.  But I just CANNOT get it out of my head.
I haven't had time to sit down and do it but my thoughts are starting to just overtake me.  So I'm gonna start typing.  It's gonna be long.
(So for that reason I split it in two parts.)
I'm not sure who's gonna wanna read it but I'm putting it out there!  Have at it!

I'm gonna share the hardest parts of my second pregnancy -- emotionally -- all regarding the fact that I REALLY wanted to VBAC and was really scared I wouldn't be able to, because of maybe physical stuff like pelvis shape, baby size & position and that kinda stuff, as well as things like labor stamina sans epidural and such.

39 Weeks. On Jasmine's 2 year old Birthday.

Much of the time I didn't feel like I had the emotional control to make it to the end of my pregnancy without needing to see professional help.  And likely it would have been a good idea, but I didn't know where to turn.  The few times I attempted seeking some, I didn't get anywhere.

Like I said, I don't know why I need to do this post.  So I'm not totally sure the angle I'm gonna take, so hold on to your hats as you ride this one with me.  I'm not gonna pretty it up, or hide my crazy, or the emotions I'm embarrassed I had.  I feel like I need to write them out.