Say What You Need to Say...

Written: 1/10/13

I'm sitting down to write this, with a headache and some very droopy eyes.
This morning is really hard.
Despite going to bed early, I think I got 5 hours of sleep broken up in about 2 hours chunks of time. With morning coming two hours early, when both girls decided 5AM was a good time to get up.
A hard morning, after a hard week.

Blake had a work trip he left for early Sunday morning. And he will come home tonight (Thursday) late. (I'm posting this on Friday, now that he's actually home.)
5 days of parenting 2 small ones on my own.
I know its been done. Done longer and harder than I've done. And boy do I ever applaud those who are regular members of this club. You are STRONG!! 
But this has been a trial for me.

The girls seemed to realize this in their kid radars -- that mommy would be more frazzled this week -- so they must have figured that they should take the opportunity to sleep less and cry more frequently, (preferably both should be crying at the same time) just as soon as Blake was gone.

A friend asked how it was going, later in the week, if the girls had gotten back to normal.

I wrote back: 
"It's getting better. No, actually, I'm getting better. They are still pretty much crying just the same, but I'm learning how to have more peace in it."
Actually, by the end of the week my two year old was waking up (multiple times!) in the middle of the night -- she hasn't woken up at night for a LONG time. So... no, circumstances did NOT improve.

It's not gotten easier. 
But it's gotten smoother. 
My muscles still burn, 
but my hands are starting to know how to turn the sails.

I'm not gonna lie and say I'm feeling great, I'm not, I'm exhausted and can't wait for Blake to get home.
But honestly, I didn't think I could actually make it through a week on my own, and I did! So that's pretty big!
And I have had some precious moments in the mix. 

............................

At the start of the year I got this itch to find a Bible-verse-a-day flip-calendar  
(the official name for these is perpetual calendar).

I have a terrible time getting myself to get into the Bible with any amount of regularity or frequency. Some of it is logistics of motherhood, and some of it is just me not applying myself.
But anyway, I thought this was a nice simple way to get a bit of The Word in me each day -- using one of these.

I wanted something tangible. 
Not an app. I didn't want something that needed electricity. Or something that would ultimately distract me to look at my Facebook or Pinterest account for the billionth time.

I wound up getting this one because it is just bible verses, no commentary or random quotes. Straight Bible -- that's just what I was looking for. 
(I do wish it was cute-er, but whatever. Maybe DaySpring will hire me to trend-a-cize stuff. :) ha!)
I found mine (in the store) at Hobby Lobby. And it was nice that I could use their 40% off coupon on it too!

I so I've had mine for a little less than 2 weeks now.

The first day I had it (before Blake was gone) God showed me something really cool.

It had been a day full of whiny noises and crying sounds , I was about to mommy growl, but God must have put his hand over my mouth and whispered in my ear, “No do this instead” ---

So instead Growling, “GRRRR>>>>would you just stop it!!”

I said in a rather loud and harsh-emotional voice, the verse of that day,
“They that hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will mount of with wings like eagles they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint.”
Half way through my voice started to soften and break because I could feel His love and grace instead of my anger.
And, I think just because I shocked them, Jasmine stopped whining and Ruby was quite, and Jasmine said, "I don’t want to faint."
And so I got to tell her “We won’t faint if we Hope in the Lord.”

Which lead to talking about baby Jesus, because at Christmas we learned the verse: "For unto us is born this day, in the City of David, a Savior, He is Christ the Lord."( I love hearing her say "Christ the Yord" melts my arms right off.)

And so instead of fainting (which is what was feeling quite close to happening) my strength really was renewed. Our day got a lot better.
It was really surprising to me just how tangible the results were in that moment.

I think that was God preparing me for my week alone with the girls.

I think He needed me to see just how important His Words is, and just how much I would need to cling to it while Blake was away.

I haven't had another moment where the girls instantly were "cured" from my saying a Bible verse out loud. But I will tell you that without focusing on bits of God's voice this week, I would not have made it. I am very grateful that He thought to prepare me in this way.

Here's my little calendar!

It seemed like each day's verse held special meaning for me.
I'm not sure how that works, I think God's word is just that good -- it means something special anytime you need it. 
But the verses did really seem to apply especially well, as I fumbled my way through the week.

Another thing that helped keep me together:
I'm reading this little book called "Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches"
And chapter eight (just where I happened to be) was perfect for me this week.

Short summary: She decided to watch her words -- no more saying she was "overwhelmed" because this was her life now and God gave it to her, so she could handle it. (She had baby twins with two older kids basically still in diapers.) She also talked about being a cheerful giver kinda thing but in doing our job as a mom -- like if you tell two kids to clean their room (and they are totally capable) and one does it, the other falls on the floor saying they are so overwhelmed -- they won't get anything done, but they could if they just made up their mind to. Also she gave herself the 20 min rule -- that everything would be different in 20 mins if she really applied herself. Like she could change 3 diapers and get some to bed and she would just put her nose to the grind instead of crying. She could just look at the clock and say in 20 mins it will all be different.

That was just the kind of clarity I needed this week.
I was really glad I read that when I did.
It saved me from pity-party central.

So,
that's where I've been while not blogging.
Mommying and trying to stay alive.
Missing my husband.
And praying without ceasing (one of my verses of the day.)

But this post can go into the "Things I've learned category": 

Saying a Bible Verse out loud in your hardest mommying moments can do a whole lot for your attitude and dramatically improve your day. Its WAY better than the grumpy-alterinatives.

It can renew your strength.