Week 3 (Of Being a Mommy of Two)

I think I'm starting to get the hang of this.
I'm starting to feel more and more like this (taking care of two little people) is "normal" or what I've always done.
I mean, yeah, I'm still getting my bearings, but I don't feel so shaky on my feet.

How I Came to Choose a Homebirth This Time

I've had a lot of interest from friends wondering how I wound up deciding on a home birth.  This post is the story.  It's not a post on home birth, or things to consider about home birth, or even why home birth is great.  It's just the reasons why I personally saw this as my best option for this birth.  


Flash back,
to the early days of me and my husband.
(I can't remember if we were engaged or newlyweds at this point.)
I clearly told my husband, who had been born at home, by choice (his mom had their first two children in the hospital, and their last two at home) this statement:
"I hope you don't expect me to have any babies at home.  I'm just not made for that."
(And for the record: He was totally fine with that.)  

So yeah...
As you can see, home birth wasn't something I had ever dreamed of for myself.

What I Think Helped Make This Labor a Good Experience

*I know there is no guarantees when giving birth. So I don't want this to come across wrong. I just have been thinking through Baby A's birth experience.

I think now that I'm past the two-weeks-post-birth-window my hormones are chilling out, and the realization of my VBAC is just starting to sink in.
I've started to float back to my labor (like before I take a nap, or go to bed) and I can not believe how amazing it was.
I am more and more grateful to have been allowed to experience something like that.
Like I said before, it wasn't pain free, but it was much, much, much more comfortable than I had been anticipating. And I think back on it with utter amazement, to the extent that I nearly remember it as painless.
I've been thinking through the different positive things that went into helping it be such a great experience.

What's with my brain?

• I keep wanting to go shopping and get awesome clothes and jewelry. (Like really stylized -- beyond my regular existence.) Then I walk past the mirror and see my unwashed hair and makeup-less face and realize that stuff would just sit around my house (probably wouldn't even get put away!)
• For some reason all I can think about is decorating for Christmas. I want to cut up thrift-store christmas-colored clothes and sew them into pillows and things. 
• I keep baking. This is not normal.
• I'm making these big goals. 
• At the same time I feel like I'm missing everything, even though I don't know how I could experience these moments any more than I am.
• Basically I think I can do more than I can right now. 

Week 2 (Of Being a Mommy of Two)

Week 2 was our first week on our own. My mom had headed home.
I definitely got teary eyed when she left.
I knew I was going to miss her.
AND I was really scared to be alone with TWO little lives I'm responsible for! (How crazy is that? I'm in charge of PEOPLE!)
I was also nervous about my stamina as I was still feeling a little wimpy from delivery.

My Take on Hypnobabies

*I would like to start by saying, I am not being reimbursed in anyway, nor am I endorsed by Hypnobabies for this post. This is just my honest personal assessment of the program that I would like to share with others in hopes that it may benefit someone.*  


My first experience giving birth was not at all what I hoped.  I was thinking I would get through it naturally.  But when I didn't go into labor on my own by 42 weeks, I was induced and ultimately had a c-section --- this was the opposite end of the spectrum from what I was thinking would happen.  
I really struggled with disappointment over this, as well as a lot of fear towards any future birth experiences.  


So when I thought about having more children, I knew I would need some sort of way to work through  these fears --- some way to cope with the entire pregnancy (full of nervous anxiety) as well as the delivery.  

I looked into a lot of stuff, and incorporated a lot of it.
But one of the biggest helps to me was Hypnobabies.

My Birth Stories -- Behind the Scenes

There was a reason I sought so hard after a VBAC...

June 2010

I was near my due date with my first baby.  

I was still fully anticipating the easy natural labor I assumed I would have.  My mom had done it.  I would too.  

I got out of the bathtub, walked towards the sink,

and clearly heard:

"You are going to have a c-section."  

It wasn't scary, malicious, or ominous.  

It was peaceful.  

I was sure of my plans, though.  

So I said,

"God, I don't think that was you... 

 But if it was --- then I trust you."  

And that was the start of my journey.  

Week 1 (Of being a mommy of two)

Well, Day 1 was spent in bed. Like I said before, I didn't expect to be confined to bed after a VBAC. But I couldn't keep from getting light headed all day long.
Nursing was interesting. Last time I didn't feel any after pains, since I was numb from the chest down. So I got introduced to them this time, which was kinda crazy since they say they are worse after the first born. They were pretty bad. I had one nursing session that sent me back "into labor" sensation wise, and then I got all trembly for a while afterwards. I got fairly emotional over that. Thankfully, the after pains seemed gone after day 1.

Day 1 -- Evening: J got sick. She had gotten RSV back in April. And it seemed like she was just as sick as then. She was up all night wheezing and throwing up.
This was pretty intense. We had all been up, all night the night before (having the baby.) Only got so much rest during the day. And then not much sleep at all that night. I felt horrible, because I couldn't get up. So I could hear my first baby crying and crying, and I couldn't go see her. Plus I didn't want to spread anything to new Baby A.
This was not the introduction to mother of two I was expecting.

A VBAC Is A Story of At Least Two Births

*To Read my First Birth Story, click here.*


Sunday, July 8th. (I’m 41+5 days pregnant based on charting my ovulation.)
I stayed home from church while my mom (who had stayed in town since my castor oil event), Blake, and J went.
I had been avoiding church for the last weeks of my pregnancy.  Well, it wasn't just church, it was people in general.  It's really hard to avoid being spoken to about your pregnancy when you are so visibly pregnant.  And I just wasn't mentally sound enough to answer any question whatsoever about it to anyone.  So I hunkered down at home.  I didn't think God would mind.
While they were away I guess I had a tiny bout of nesting.  But I just felt like cleaning a bit myself.  My mom had been so sweet to have been keeping up with the house for me, but that morning I just felt like I really wanted to do it.
While they were gone I also looked up a birth story on a friend's blog.  I had been feeling discouraged the day before from still being pregnant. (Having been induced at 42 weeks last time, I was still unsure my body really knew how to labor.) And I knew this friend went into her 43 week before she had her baby so I read her story.  I got to the part where when she was checked (before labor) she was 2 cm dilated and 65% effaced.  She needed to deliver the baby soon.  That night she took castor oil and went into labor.  I was instantly encouraged.  I thought if she could go from 2 cm and 65% straight into labor, then I am going to go into labor too.  So the rest of the day I had a much better attitude than I had been having.

The whole day I was feeling really uncomfortable.  The baby felt really low and my pelvis hurt.  I felt different than I had before, but I was not saying anything to anyone because I had already thought something had been happening so many times before only to find out "not yet."

She's here!

She's out!
Little Lady #2 was born at 6:10 am this morning. I had a successful VBAC delivery! (I still can't believe it!) And now we're getting to know each other and getting some rest. She was 8 lbs, 4 ounces and 21 inches long. We'll get some more pictures and story up later. Thanks so much for all of your prayers everyone, it went pretty much as good as possible.

And

 Thank You, Jesus!

My 40 Weeks (?), or Something Like That (41 weeks?), Brain

I haven't felt much like writing here lately.
Mainly, because I am really whiney.
I don't want to lie and write a bunch of happy fluff on here.
Because I've been trying to be as honest as I can muster through this pregnancy.
But I also don't want to sit down and commiserate, because it doesn't do anything for me, but get me going on longer and longer complaint-festivals.

This is My Kinda Math

So you remember how I was 40 weeks last week?

Guess what...

I will be 40 weeks

on Thursday now.

You have entered the time warp with me!

Time no longer exists.

I just sit here floating in a bubble of waiting, 

I don't know what day it is. 

I don't know what's going on in the world.

I just know...

"You need to come out!"

So... yeah.

Talking things through today at our appointment

it was brought up that, in general, my cycles are usually a week longer than the standard 28 day cycle. 

And upon reviewing the results of my sonogram (done back in IL), 

we decided I'm not really due until July 5th.  

(And you might not believe me, but I didn't even bring any of it up.  

God must have lined it up for me.)

So I've had a week put back on the clock.

You have no idea how much stress that takes off my plate.

No more freakout-this-is-the-end! mental state, this week.  

Hopefully that will help give me the state of clam I need for my body to kick it into gear.

Which, believe me, we are trying to do.  

So Am I 

40 weeks again 

in this photo?

I guess so! 

Well...

actually I'm 39+5 in this photo.

;)

(But in all reality....I know I'm 41 weeks. We just are ignoring that for now.)

Rebuttal

So this week,

I've had a lot of contractions,

I've had lot of (TMI) bloody show.

I've had tons of promise...

But no baby yet.