Monday, January 2, 2012

14 Weeks

week 14 kicked my butt.
That whole "Yay second trimester" thing was offset by a supremely hard week of life.

We got home from our Christmas travels and welcomed the second trimester with a stomach bug. It sucked. Honestly it just was about more than we could emotionally stand right now. Blake is working nearly 24 hours a day (He usually comes to bed around 4am, but last night it was 6am) to finish this crazy PhD. (I've started to think no one needs one of these things!) So the day that this sickness struck, I felt so bad to take him away from his work, but I was just not able to take care of J. I had to call Blake and ask him to come home, which I cried about because he's on a deadline that's holding our future job and life, and its all he can do to get this paper done on time as is. Then I get sick. I felt so bad for him. But he was still able to work from the couch, so that was good. The next day Blake was sick, and I was still sick, but getting better, so we kinda traded taking care of J when we weren't in the bathroom.
So, I can no longer say I've never puked while pregnant. Although, I'm positive it wasn't pregnancy that caused this disastrous spell. J did pretty well compared to us, and was able to get by with just a kinda off day, but no super bad symptoms thank goodness. And we all luckily got mostly better in about two days.

I've also been dealing with some of the worst headaches of my life this week. I don't know if it was the sickness, stress, or pregnancy. Probably all of the above. But its made it really hard to take care of J. And nothing would make them go away. Tylenol did nothing at all. I tried tying a heat pack to my head, it sorta helped. (I looked hilarious.) Eventually I got a cup of coffee and that did help a bit more. But it was intense trying to cope.

Emotionally I am just super burnt out from the schedule Blake's had to follow to get this PhD taken care of. He does his best to be there for me, and I am so grateful for that, but the fact of the matter is, he just has to work round the clock right now. And its really hard for me to take care of J solo, while pregnant. In addition to that, we only have one car, and Blake's been needing it to work, so I've been stuck in the house a LOT. It gets tedious for both me and J. Plus, having been sick, the house turned into the messiest, grossest place I've ever seen. So it wasn't an enjoyable environment.

The deadline for this paper is the end of this coming week, so we are both feeling the stress and strain of finishing this out. We are running on fumes. We know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But we both feel like we are at the end of the marathon, when everything in you is burning and if that finish line weren't in reach we would probably crawl into a hole and give up.

In regards to that light at the end of the tunnel, we are also trying to get our thoughts things in order, for this upcoming weekend's trip to Iowa to maybe find our next place to live. This gives me on and off again freakout terrors. Its just hard to think about moving away from what I know and the people I love, all while tackling so many grown up hurdles I've never dealt with before! I suck at grown up logistics.

Another thing that gave my week such hardship, was some of the saddest news I have ever heard in my life. My heart can hardly bare it. I keep up with a college friend of mine on facebook. Nearly 19 months ago we both had beautiful, adorable daughters on the exact same day. Now we were both expecting again, only she was much further along than I am. In fact she was full term: 38 weeks. I don't know the details, and they aren't mine to share, but her second daughter went home to be with Jesus this week. I wept. I can hardly think of it without weeping over and over again. My heart just breaks for her and her family. I can't imagine it. If you think of it, pray for them, they could use all the support they can get.

I don't know how to transition from that --- in my mind I really haven't.
But I will try and stick to my format and share my little topics still for this week.

The Belly:
I think its bigger than last week, but not by a lot. 
And to be fair, this is a night time photo, and last week was a morning photo -- and somehow I'm always bigger at night (my food likes to pretend its baby material). 
Not sure if the stripes I'm wearing are deceptive or not. Regardless, I like the dress on the little bump.

I have been feelin the relaxin hip pain, it was really bad in my left hip one nigh this week.
And besides that, I told ya. I've been sick. So I don't know for sure Second Trimester is awesome yet. But I think it is. (I'm going on memory of last time.)
Today I've finally felt healthy and not had a headache, and I really don't feel pregnant at all. (And I actually got the house back in order, it feels wonderful!)

A lot of soup and crackers. Rice pudding. Sick food.

Burnt out. Overwhelmed. Sad. Tired. (See the start of this entry.)

I hadn't been noticing the baby much this week, but then again, I was inundated with other sensations (of doom) so I think little flutters had gone unnoticed. But today I keep feeling this rather abrupt hard (but small) flutter, sorta like baby is jumping on a trampoline and then kick-flailing in mid air. It's weird because the "jump" part will get my attention, but the tiny flutters after it are so light that I question if I just felt that "jump."

Blake and I did take a couple hour time out, on new years eve, to spend a bit of time together making home made sushi (nothing raw) rolls.
Sticky rice, cucumber, carrot, avocado, cream cheese, bacon, bbq, ranch

Then Blake went back to work, I folded laundry, and we kissed at midnight.
ah romance. :)

She's getting very excited to use words this week. She's trying to say every word she knows every chance she gets. If she sees something and knows the word for it, she announces what it is.
We also finally tried soy milk with her this week. (Right now she seems to be allergic to diary.) And so she's been enjoying her cheerios in soy milk. :) Makes me happy to get to see her eat something typical, and not feel like its off limits. She really likes it.
She is also obsessed with hats. Everything is now a hat, and it goes on her head. Or my head. She loves hats!

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