23 Weeks Pregnant with #3

Tuesday of last week seemed to be a major turning point for me. I felt good for once. And it was good to feel good. That night I ran to the grocery store, because we were out of a bunch of stuff, and I willingly said, “Yeah I’ll go.” (I think I’d been to the grocery store maybe twice -- and in a painful way -- my whole pregnancy.) And when I got there I liked what I saw! (HUGE.) And I just stood in front of the produce and wanted it all. (UNHEARD OF.) So I pretty much bought it all. (Because I could.) When I got home I still felt good, despite it being late, and so I prepped some food for the next day. And I was STILL excited about the food. The smells hadn’t changed my mind. (I could have moon walked.)
So I went to bed after that, but couldn’t sleep because I was just so thrilled that my body just laid there in awed joy. I kept telling myself to go to sleep so I could feel ok the next day, but I just couldn’t, I was too thrilled.

Thankfully that didn’t really mess up my next day.

I’ve been able to eat so much healthier this week. Eating salad is like my own personal trip to France. I can’t explain the amount of joy I get, from getting joy from vegetables again.

And so I feel like my weight gain this week as been more on par with with I’m used to from my previous pregnancies. (Before with all the nausea I was gaining much faster than I am used to, because eating was the only way to not throw up. Weirdest circle of logic, but I’m guessing some of you totally get it.)
By the way, I really have come to terms with whatever my weight does this pregnancy. I’m just on board this ride. And I’ll be on board the post-partum ride too. But it was nice to eat well this week and for that to show normal-ness again.

I’ve had small bouts of nausea this week, but overall, nothing (I mean nothing) like before. The amount of mental clarity that comes with this is amazing.  I’m extremely grateful. I’ve not been brave enough to go off of unisom yet. With the small bits of nausea still there, I’m not ready to see what it feels like on my own. Hopefully I can be done with it soon though. I’m not super in love with the idea of taking it.

I had a prenatal appointment this week and progesterone creme was suggested to me since I’ve been so sick. (Kinda wish we’d addressed this sooner, but at least I get to look into it now.) She said it can’t hurt.* Progesterone is what maintains the pregnancy, and while clearly I’m maintaining it, I may just have a lower level this time. She said sometimes it’s not even that you have lower levels of progesterone, but you can end up with too much estrogen from the environment (I guess it builds up over time) and then you’re out of balance.
She also said it can help with other hormonal stuff like PMS or postpartum depression.
She said you can get it off Amazon (or some stores, but I don’t know which) She said for cream I’d need to do math and figure out how much would equal 100 mg to rub in. She said put on on more delicate skin (like inner arms or legs, or even belly, which she said is fine when pregnant because it’s what the placenta is doing anyway) Or you can get drops and put it under the tongue (Progon B-L 4x) (Sounds weird but that’s the name -- with the 4x) You’d put one droppperful under the tongue a day.

*I thought I’d throw that out there if anyone wants to look into that for themselves. I am not a medical provider. She was giving me personal advice. You’ll need to do your own research for your own situation. 

So I’m gonna give that a try and see if it helps anything.

The rest of my appointment was good. Baby sounds good. Baby’s still moving all around in there, not ready to settle into a spot yet. So when we checked on him or her, they were laying transverse. But I wasn’t worried in the least, as I can feel feet all over the place through the day-- so I know it was just a moment of laying there. My iron level has come up. So yay to that. I’ll need to keep doing what I’ve been doing to keep it up. (I’ve begun to wonder if I had lower iron levels with my other pregnancies. Providers don’t always check on that through the pregnancy -- usually just to start with. I feel it could have explained my immediate postpartum experience with Ruby, with the bigger blood loss (yet not to hemorrhage level) and passing out all day if I stood up. So I’m glad we are keeping an eye on it this time -- hoping for no passing out this time. lol.)

Emotionally this week, like I said I was THRILLED to be feeling better. And I let myself ride that wave a joy with gusto. And I did so knowing it couldn’t last forever. (No one can be that happy forever I think you’d break or something.) So while I’ve been happy this week, I still had some crabby spots. I still had one evening where I was SO NOT THRILLED to be pregnant and wishing this was already July. I’m still achey. I still feel VERY pregnant (and know I’ll just be getting MORE pregnant.) So it’s been good. But I’m very looking forward to the end still. 

That said, I think I treasure these baby kicks most of any pregnancy. Probably mostly because they are the proof of something good despite it all being so hard. Perhaps also because it’s hard to commit to anything certain future-pregnancy-wise in the face of this one be so hard, so I wonder if these are the last tummy kicks I’ll feel. But I try not to really think about that much because I’m worse under that kind of pressure. I mostly just really truly enjoy feeling this baby in there. And I basically can’t keep my hands off my belly, if I feel any kicks, I want to feel them inside and out.

But speaking of achey. That workout DVD I mentioned before this week, does seem to help me stretch out a lot of aches. But this past week I noticed when I was doing the core workout (which is pilates adjusted onto pillows for pregnancy) that my belly didn’t look round when I was doing it. I could see a lump raise up in the center. I figured this means I’m rocking some diastasis recti now, and checked at my appointment, and yep….I need to skip that part of the workout from now on, and work on getting the muscles back together after baby’s here.

It kinda made me wanna freak out a little when we talked about it. Mostly just due to the mental gross out factor that my guts are closer to my outside. So I kept touching my belly all day after that, in a protective rub of my guts, and mental soothing kinda thing. And it kinda freaked me out because I don’t really know if I had this before with my other pregnancies or not (I didn’t do any exercises like this to give me a chance to watch my belly make that shape.) So I kinda wanted to freak out and think I ruined my belly. (Not only in the vain way, but also in the guts-on-the-out-side-way.) But after a few moments of pacing my thoughts, I came to the conclusion that I MUST have had it after my c-section -- they actually do this on purpose, pull your muscles to the side, so they don’t cut through them. And I know I didn’t have it later after my other two pregnancies, because I checked for it. Plus it’s very common in pregnancy -- WebMD says two thirds of pregnant women will have this. So I calmed down and figured I will live and so will my belly and my guts. I’ll just have to do the right types of exercises later. (Hope you enjoyed the fun trip through my freaky-outy mind. lol.)

And in non-pregnancy related news. We also had a “fun” trip to the ER this past Saturday. Ruby fell off the top back of the couch. I was upstairs at the time, and Blake didn’t see her land (as it was behind the couch) so we didn’t know if she hit her head. She cried way more than her normal self. And after a while she started throwing up. So off to the ER we went, figuring concussion. She threw up about 6 times after the fall, maybe three of those at the hospital. Since she is so young they don’t like doing CT scans unless it’s really clearly needed. So we just stayed for observation for a few hours. 

It was long and boring. And of course when this happens, you wonder if you jumped the gun coming into the ER. But Blake and I were both glad we did, I would have been freaking out at home not getting her checked. By the end of our wait she had woken up from a nap and was back to her normal self and happy to play with the toys they had brought to our room. 

So they sent us home just saying make sure she doesn’t get worse. So that wasn’t really the Saturday I had envisioned. But thankfully we had no plans at all anyway, and everyone was healthy. 

It was kinda of ironic to hold Ruby there on a hospital bed, watching her sleep while pregnant. Because while I was pregnant with Ruby, I did the same thing for Jasmine. (Only that was because Jasmine had RSV.) I kept flashing back to that pregnancy and that trip to the hospital and thinking about how I didn’t know Ruby then, only Jasmine. Thinking about how I wanted to keep Ruby safe while all that was going on, but how I didn’t know her yet. And how that’s exactly like this third baby. I don’t know this baby yet. I feel protective of this baby, I know I love this baby. But I don’t know this baby. I just kept looking at Ruby laying in my arms on the hospital bed and thinking about how big my love is now and how I will have that again for our next baby. Even with the experience of it before it’s still so hard to grasp.

This Belly compared to The Ruby Belly: