So I’d like to ask you all a favor.
(Trivial Side Note: I grew up an hour from Chicago -- I therefore naturally say “you guys” instead of “you all” or any other option that refers to a group -- that’s just the way we do it here. But, I naively used that once as a kid while visiting Texas and I had a rather offended girl on my hands insisting she wasn’t a guy. I’m now nervous any time I go to write something addressing everyone at once while Blogging. ha!)
I’ve noticed that as a whole "you all” have been more open with me in commenting and/or writing lately. Which I totally appreciate. It makes me feel sure people are actually there, ya know.
So I’m wondering if you regularly read this, if you could do me the favor of answering this question:
“Why do you read this blog?”
Maybe you could tell me how/why you found this blog, and why you’ve stuck around. Maybe you could tell me which parts/subject matters appeal to you. Maybe you could tell me if you feel a personal connection. Maybe we know each other in-person and this is how you keep up with my life. Maybe I’m just enough of a train wreck that this blog is kind of like watching a reality TV show you just can’t quite drop. (If that’s your answer, I don’t mind if you want to tell me that. I like honesty. I much prefer it to flatter. Honesty is the best way to go.) Whatever your reason, whatever you want to share -- I’d gladly gather it up.
I’d really appreciate hearing from you.
I’m in a questioning place. When something very big changes, it kind of makes everything change, or changes how everything seems. So I’m constantly asking myself why about lots of things. Big, small, things that might not even have why-ablity. I’m asking it all, all the time.
So you answering will help me with two things:
1) Kind of giving me a mirror to see myself with. (Losing my brother has caused me to pause and wonder who I am, and what am I doing, and how to I affect people.)
2) Help me figure out which way to go with the blog currently.
I keep having all sorts of passing thoughts that sound like, “If everything were normal right now I’d totally blog _______” and then I question if it’s even worth it. I’m honestly not sure why you have been/are sticking with me on this blog thing. I started the blog to show house stuff, then it turned in to pregnancy blog + c-section/vbac/birthy-stuff, then back into house stuff. I thought a couple times I’d try to do some clothing stuff but never stuck to that too well. I’ve mentioned our food allergies as well as home school. Then the blog turned into the lady who cries because she’s pregnant and sick, and then the lady who cries because her brother died. And then sort of the lady who’s still kind of doing house stuff, but still a mess. But I also have other random stuff in my head. I just don’t really know why anyone is here. So in my questioning state I’ve felt stumped on what to share. All my subject matter seems so random, I can’t figure out how anyone’s found a reason to stay.
I mean, I get that this is my blog, so I can do whatever I want. (That’s kind of my style.) But currently I’m feeling kind of like I need to be my own parent (for lack of a better way to describe it.) I know I’m in a very strange emotional place, I feel like parts of me have gone back to childhood (makes sense with losing someone who was my childhood.) So part of me feels like I need to protect myself in a parental way. Like “Hey maybe you shouldn’t share that on the internet because when you "grow up” (aka get your normal brain back) you will think that shouldn’t be on the internet. Maybe hold your cards a little closer than normal. (I’m usual extremely honest and to me withholding doesn’t feel honest.) Just till you know your in a more regular mental state.”
But mix that concept, into the questioning everything concept, and I often feel silent but full of words. I do want to be real, open and honest on here still. I still want to share. And that parental part of me thinks it’s fine to share about grief, or anything really, it just wants me to be careful while I’m vulnerable.
Anyway it’d be nice to have some direction just in knowing why you’re here.
And it’d be even more nice just getting to know “you guys.” :)
So if you ever were to comment, now would be the perfect time.
Thanks “guys” ;) for sticking with me through thick and thin.