I think I'm starting to get the hang of this.
I'm starting to feel more and more like this (taking care of two little people) is "normal" or what I've always done.
I mean, yeah, I'm still getting my bearings, but I don't feel so shaky on my feet.
Things to note this week:
Baby A is a little less newborn-y, meaning she is getting a bit more fussy at times. Her favorite time to fuss is evenings. In a way that's nice because then Blake is home to help me. But in another way it's overwhelming because it's happening during the most involved part of my day --- Blake getting home, eating dinner, putting J to bed. And it usually lasts until I'm ready to sleep, so it can be hard to not get grumpy.
But I shouldn't complain, because once she is asleep for bed (10 or 11 pm), she is a really good sleeper thus far. (Nurses only once or twice till around 7 am.)
She is getting good at holding her head up. And sometimes she's fussy just because she wants you to hold her upright and let her look around.
She's also starting to enjoy her time laying on a blanket. She likes to just take in her surroundings. (She even seems to like tummy time --- of course, not for too long, but she does seem to like it quite a bit for a few minutes at a time.)
She likes being in the swing sometimes now too, which makes me happy. The swing was a great tool for us with J when she was a baby. I'm hoping it's similarly magical for Baby A.
J is still doing great as a big sister. I'm really impressed.
She is starting to test us a bit as parents, doing the whole "no"-because-I-want-to-disobey thing. But overall, she's still pretty well-behaved. I think some of that stuff is because she's hoping for a bit of one-on-one attention, so we are trying to be more intentional with that and hope it helps.
As for me,
I hit the "nothing fits stage".
Maternity too big, regular too small.
And worse yet, underwear and bras.
I say worse, because when those don't fit, you just feel messy no matter what.
I'm not ready to shop for new stuff because I'm not convinced it's worth the money at this point.
But the bra situation is sad. I have exactly two that fit and I don't like them, they are yucky material. (And when nursing, two is pretty scant. One good spit up can jeopardize your ability to be clothed!)
I don't know when I can start buying the kind of bras I like (underwire with molded cup) because I don't remember how long it took me to get out of the crazy change-sizes-all-day-long stage. And none of my bras from last time fit me this time. So I have even more sizes to add to the amazing list of sizes I have been in my life. And I'm still a weird not-sold-in-stores size.
It's not a huge deal looks-wise, as I basically never leave the house. But comfort-wise, I just want to feel good/cozy --- and its not happening.
I was feeling good about my overall postpartum self, until I went and tried on clothes. I just wanted to get organized and get out what works. But you know how it is, trying on clothes that did fit, and currently don't --- not too emotionally awesome.
Then to add insult to injury --- I don't like my clothes anymore! lol.
Even if they fit, I'm not excited about them anymore. I think I have a new style that happened without my knowing it.
Blake watched Baby A for a couple hours, while J was in bed, the other night and I ran to Target and bought a package of Men's black and grey v neck tee shirts.
I figured they would be long enough to wear with leggings. Lose enough to hide the pooch. Simple enough to dress up or down. And comfy enough to wear 24/7. And cheap enough to be justified.
I also grabbed a cute scarf, because it made me happy and could help me feel pulled together (if I ever leave the house again!)
It was really weird to be out by myself. I haven't driven since Baby A was born. And so I realized the last time I was driving I had Baby A with me (in my belly.) I felt weird singing because I realized I was singing to no one (I used to think how Baby A was probably happy to hear me.)
And when I got to Target I saw a pregnant lady and I all of a sudden felt really lonely.
It was weird. And slightly overwhelming.
But I gave myself points because I wouldn't have even attempted such a feat as leaving Baby J and going out by myself 3 weeks postpartum last time around.
So there was that.
And then there's J.
Tonight she saw my belly, shirt still pulled up from nursing, and said:
(She's really into my belly since "baby" used to live here -- she loves to talk about how "Baby came out.")
I said, "Yes"
(Fully expecting our usually baby conversation.)
But quite unexpectedly J said,
I get teary thinking of it.
What a gift from my gift.
And I can only hope to keep raising her in a way that she would always be able to say that about a postpartum belly, and truly believe it.