Thursday, June 28, 2012

On Second Thought...

While I was waiting for my first daughter to be born, I was getting disappointed to not be going into labor on my own.
As I begged in my prayers to go into labor, and as I sat around trying to mentally will my water to spontaneously break on command,
I tried to find some bible verses to cling to.

I found 
Isaiah 66:9
"Shall I bring to the moment of birth and not cause to bring forth? says the Lord. 
Shall I Who causes to bring forth, shut the womb? says your God."

If you know my story, you might see how this verse is hard for me to take.

I felt pretty certain that the answer to these two questions,
 was not the same for me 
as the people He was talking to in that moment.
I mean, yeah I know, that verse was written to the Israelites and about their nation coming back into existence, not really exactly about childbirth.
But, in taking it literally at face value, it is about childbirth.

And well.
I was brought to the moment of birth (42 weeks gestation) and did not bring forth on my own.
And then with pitocin I was brought right to the edge of bringing forth, and got stopped by malposition, so it did kinda feel like my womb got shut.
I tried to mentally accept that God provided c-sections in his goodness.
Which I do believe he did, and I am seriously glad they are available.
But that line of reasoning did not help me process the verse at all.
I felt kind like,
"Umm, hey God, what's with the half promise?" 

This week in a random internet happen-a-cross
I found this:

The same verse in a Bible version I've never heard of
New Century Version 

For someone who found my induction turned c-section physically painful, 
as well as even more emotionally painful,
reading this verse 
in a new way,
 healed part of my heart.

Of course my beautiful daughter was born through that pain,
but so was so much more.

God made me new in so many ways through my experiences.
So many things needed to be born.
So many things needed to be brought forth.
 He did not shut the womb of my life,
He brought more from me than I ever knew I had within.

Our lives aren't about what we think we need,
they are about His Glory.

And how wonderfully sweet to have such a promise:
I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born.

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