Monday, August 29, 2016

Patio Progress

So funny story… I had this whole personal pep talk, soul searching, deep digging internal event... and decieded I was ready to actually use my real camera and give you real photos (not iphone photos) of things. So I got the camera out and took nice photos of the leather pillows I sewed for my living room. And then I went to upload them and discovered I have misplaced my camera’s battery charger…as the battery died.
Sheesh.
Life, I tell ya.

Sooooo….

Until I find that….

iPhone to the rescue.

Let me show you our patio progress! It’s turning out rather mind blowingly good.

I had an imaginary vision for it -- but I couldn’t see it. Now that it’s physically appearing before my eyes I’m shocked by it’s wow factor. Blake is doing amazing!!



So, two weeks ago we had our pavers delivered. We found them at Menards and got them all during a sale. Score.



Then my parents came to town to visit and my dad helped Blake lay the retaining wall for the suken part. 
I’m not in on the manual labor business, I’m the kid wrangler. So I can’t tell ya much about it. But they told me that part required the most precision work -- it kinda determined the precision of everything else. So they spent a lot of time making sure everything was level and square.
To the left there, you can see the sump pump bucket in that circle slot in the ground. That’s going to carry rain water away from our house to keep the family room dry.



Then another day Blake and a friend built up the half circle step/platform by the sunroom doors.

In this picture Blake is racing the rain, to get the sand covered by a tarp, just to make sure stuff doesn’t get washed away.
We seem to be getting a lot of rain while this project is underway. I can’t tell if it’s extra, or if that’s normal and that we are just really noticing that because of how it effects stuff. But either way, it’s rained often in the last two weeks.
Anyway,
So yeah here’s where I brag on Blake for a bit.
Let me tell you all the awesome things he’s been doing.


He moved 7.5 tons of road-pack gravel by hand, with a shovel and a wheel barrow -- from the driveway around the side of our house to the back yard.
7.5 tons by hand!
It’s not something I ever really stopped to consider before, but I just feel like saying a single human moved a literal ton of anything sounds amazing. And he moved seven and a half of them!
He debated renting a bobcat, but we’ve rented a few other things for this project and I think he was just dedicated to saving the money this time around.
That was a lot of labor, and he did it well.

After the gravel was in place he rented a tamper, and with a friend over to help, he went around and tamped it all down. I don’t think I got any pictures of that. But the tamper is kind of the shape of an oversized vacuum cleaner, only of course it’s not vacuuming -- it’s got a flat plate there that vibrates like crazy, pressing down the ground.
That tamping process makes the gravel turn into what feels more like cement when it’s all compacted down, and will make the ground more stable and less likely to shift in the seasonal changes.

Next he laid down landscaping fabric, to keep out weeds.
And then again he went to work with the shovel and wheel barrow and moved 5 tons of sand by hand!
He said the sand felt easy after gravel!
All I have to say is wow.


So random story time. 
There was a day at this stage where there was an BIG heavy rain, for like 15 minutes. The new sump pump is in, and had been working wonderfully. But this day it had been unplugged for something. (I didn’t know that and I kinda panicked for a minute thinking it was broken. Until Blake plugged it back in.) 
But the brilliance of this patio, is the fail safe aspect of the sunken part. If the pump doesn’t go on for some reason, the water has a place to go, that isn’t our family room!!
Another brag on Blake there -- he really thought this whole thing through!
That day’s rain was the kind that guaranteed would have soaked our family room before this project. But the family room was totally fine and dry -- even with the sump not plugged in. 
(After we plugged it in, it emptied in no time.)
And cute story time-- Jasmine is into having imaginary fairies and mermaids right now... so they swim in there, and play in the “fountain” the sump pump makes. I love it.

Anyway, here Blake is laying the bricks in place for the ground.
Once again -- gold stars all around.
He told me from the get-go whatever lay out for the pavers I could come up with he would figure out how to do and make it work. And that he has! He’s rocking it out.
He’s even putting up with me coming outside after he’s laid some and being like “umm wait, we need to tweak the design.”
I’m trying not to do that much. But I’ve had to do it once in a rather annoying moment. And another time I caught it before any real work had been put into it.
I love him for letting me do that because it’s making all the difference in the world for how it’s going to look in the end. And I know it’s not fun, but he’s good to me. :)
So here’s the sunken part before the fitted corners. I was THRILLED to see this.
Entirely more fancy and amazing than I knew to expect.
After that he moved over the the raised step.

Jasmine has been over-the-moon with helping. She asks all the time when Blake’s at work when she can help next.
She’s helped shovel gravel and sand, and move bricks. And she’s a trooper, I’ll see her struggling with a large brick (and I have to reign in my mom-fear of her dropping it on her feet and let her be), but she doesn’t give up she just keeps at it until she gets it and moves it over to it’s place -- never complaining. Just plodding along. She is into it!

Here’s the step up, with the bricks that need to be trimmed down, just set in place.

A view from the sunroom’s perspective. Eventually all that sand with be pavers too.

Then this weekend, Blake’s friend brought over a special saw to cut the pavers to size.
And over the course of the afternoon they got all the sunken part fitted.

I mean...
….that is PRETTY!
 Let’s just look at it for a moment and savor it...

As far as the sump pump area is concerned we are thinking we’ll probably set a fire pit bowl over it to hide it away.

I’m currently really ruminating on how to use the sunken part.
You may remember me saying in the last part we’d do benches on the sides. But now I don’t think we will.
The depth of the sunken part turned out to be shallower than initially we’d imagined it. 
Us, not being professionals, we didn’t know about the road-pack before the guy came and dug out the area. So that raised it up some. Plus, just generally we didn’t have a super specific depth planned on, so this is the height we got. I don’t think it seems bench-y. 
I want to REALLY nail it when it comes the the furniture I put in there, because as a rule the idea of a random sunken part of your patio seems out of place. So people are going to wonder about it. But I figure if I can plan out just the right something, it won’t be so questionful, but it will look artful.
I also don’t want anything to feel like a trip and fall hazard. So I want the furniture to flow with that somehow.

So I’m thinking like crazy what it could be that we put there. It doesn’t have to be this year that it shows up. I just want to ruminate and find the right thing.



Anyway --

Time for a Family Room Window’s view flash back:

What I saw when we bought the house


What I saw for the past year.

What I see today.

That’s some good looking change right there!
It’s just gonna keep getting better too!
I’m kinda in shock -- in the best kind of way.


Blake, you are awesome!
I love you so much! (With or without a Patio, I love you so much!)


Thursday, August 18, 2016

Not the first, not the last

So….

Yeah, so…..

This is not the first time I’ve had writer’s block with the blog, I’m sure it won’t be the last.
But it’s the first of it’s kind.

I’m in a weird place.

I’m still sad and grieving. But I’m past the socially really acknowledged zone. Because for the rest of the world time is moving. But for me it’s not. So we are on different planes there. After my brother died I looked up the old custom of mourning clothes (I just can’t help myself -- I study anything of interest at all) and I noted the time length -- siblings wore mourning clothes for 6 months back in the Victorian days. That time frame feels about accurate in current social greetings and their delicateness. (I’m not saying people are immediately in-considerate, or not delicate, after that much time. It’s small and almost imperceptible, but after 6 months there is a shift.)
I’m messy right now inside.
   I’m tired all the time. Like weary in my soul. I’m super sensitive. I’m boring and can’t think of conversation. If I can think of anything to say, it’s gonna be WAY over detailed and specific and likely not appealing to just anyone. I have zero small talk skills right now -- ZERO.
    This all makes going to church (or of I had any other social things at all, those would count too) seriously exhausting, very awkward --I likely come across as a real weirdo -- and it’s not refreshing or enjoyable.

But I’m sort of starting to feel normal. Kinda. So I kinda want to be normal and see people and stuff. Only then when I am there I remember that I flinch when people say hi to me. (Grief makes greetings hurt.) And I watch them pause and process that very briefly. I over-think that, I lose ability to catch up with the next thing they say to try and recover that random moment, and so I flinch some more, or I look down or away, or look disappointed. You can see the conversation is doomed.
OR I don’t flinch when we greet -- I get there by trying to muscle-through ---- which looks like smiling overpoweringly and saying “I’m GOOD!” like I just won the lottery or something. But then I  have no way to say a second sentence. Because I’m not good. So I just kinda have to move along then. And then I’m sure people get the wrong impression that I’m just breezing through life. I’m not, I just have no social skills right now. (Or maybe it’s not that I don’t have skills, but there just isn’t room for this-current-situation in social arenas right now. Either way.)

I have never been a huge fan of the general “How are you?” question as a greeting. I’ve never enjoyed how it seems like a really meaty good question, but is used as a general hello, as in "I might just be trying to get past you towards the coffee station and need to be friendly too.”
But right now, I have no skill in maneuvering it. I wonder every time “Are you asking me, for real? How long do you want to listen?” I don’t know.

I kinda of just want to walk up to people, and right off the bat, be like “Hey, I’m gonna be weird. Just ignore the weird and keep on going, I’ll suck it up and we’ll all be fine... Now let’s just get to it. ‘How are you?’"

Because honestly I don’t think people know which way to maneuver that question with me either. I experienced a horribly awkward “How are you?” scenario about a month ago, where I thought the person was just asking lightly, so I said “good” to be polite. Then they pressed really hard with searching eyes, “How ARE you?” but it wasn’t the right timing to be asking (it wasn’t a conversational moment at all), so I looked confused, paused, thought, and said, “My life is hard, but I am good.” (Totally not sure WHAT to say.) And then they patted me on the arm and said “You’re blessed” (entirely too care-free) and walked away leaving me stunned.
These kinda of things are weird and I guess happen anytime. But when they happen during these hard times they are SO alienating and leave me second guessing so much.


ANYWAY….
So how I am…
And how come I haven’t been blogging much…

So I’ve established I’m not good at being by people. (I could go on, but I’ll call that much good for today.)

I’ve established I’m sad.


I think I’ve implied I’m confused. (Death has a way of throwing everything you think you knew into a new light. And you are left to either ignore that and try to make things feel like they used to even if they can’t ever be what they used to be, or totally reexamine EVERYTHING until you get your footing back.)

BUT on the other hand,
I’m also happy in places.
I’m also at peace in places.
I’m also excited in places.
I’m also hopeful in places.
I also see beauty in places.

BUT it’s not the way it was.
I don’t see beauty the same.

Some beauty means entirely more to me now.
Some beauty is totally unappealing to me now.
Some things I thought were beautiful now look ugly -- or maybe not ugly -- yeah ugly isn’t the word-- but like….not what I want to gaze on.
Some things I never noticed are now a really big deal that I want to gaze on for ages.

I don’t have my barring on that yet.
And that right there is really what’s been holding me up with the blog.

Because blogs are used to showcase things, generally speaking.
And generally, they look pretty.
And I don’t really know how I feel about all of that right now.

I used to LOVE taking photos. (Before the blog. Sorry you never really got the full benefit of that skill on here.)
I used to do wedding photography. And I adored catching people’s soul. And I didn’t mind photoshopping stuff because to me that’s how I actually saw the people -- when you know someone and love them, you see them with photoshop eyes -- so I just wanted everyone to see them that way.

But when I peruse the general internet -- photoshop isn’t showing people’s souls, it’s like hiding their souls with skin perfection. (Or room perfection, or outfit perfection.) I don’t see a soul. I see a shell. And it’s a pretty shell. I wouldn’t mind my shell looking so shinny.
But I know they didn’t wake up like that. Or the room doesn’t stay like that.
And I’m too tired to pretend that way.

And it’s fine either way. I’m not mad at anyone or saying anything bad here.
I’m just not sure what to put on my blog.
Because part of me is like “Hey shoot for the stars, find your dream, live your best life. Take some seriously good photos now and step up your game.” and part of me is like “Don’t do life with makeup and filters. It’s not real.” And part of me is like “But remember how you used to photoshop with decency for love sake?” And then part of me is like “Meh. I’d rather take a nap. I have three kids, and a BUNCH of stuff to do.”

And I also currently have a FIRM gasp on the fact that you can’t win. If I were to put stunningly gorgeous photos up, I’d turn some people off because I’d lose authenicty. If I were to put only “real life” messy, no filter, no makeup, no cleaning photos up, I’d turn some people off because if you hit that too hard you seem depressed or too mediocre. If I did both, people would lean towards more of one or the other, and hope I would too. Because we are all different and like different things have have different hopes. And that’s fine. But I am currently HIGHLY aware of there not being a right way. And I’m fully aware that this is my blog and I can do what I want.
But I’m not sure what kind of way I even see right now.
My filter’s aren’t inside photoshop, instagram, VSCOcam. I don’t see with photoshop eyes like I used to. My personal filters --they are a lot more tactile right now. I’m not sure how visual I even am right now. (Says the girl who’s still making over every square inch of her house.)

Ehh.
I’m me. I’m messy.
I’m not sure what to say.
But someday I’ll get a foothold again.


Here’s a really filtered photo of me.
How’s it make you feel?


In art interpretation,
I like that half is washed with light and half is heavy with contrast.
Does it speak a thousand words?


Or does it just say 
Selfie?



Friday, August 5, 2016

Digging out the patio

Hey there,

It’s been too long since I’ve really shared much at all.
I’ve been changing tons of stuff in the house decor. And Blake’s been changing all sorts of stuff outside!
You are over-due for an update. 

Today I’m just gonna show you the back yard and talk to you about what we are doing.

But since I feel like I’ve been lacking in contact with you --I actually went all out... and added a little video tour! You get to hear me ramble to you, while I walk you around our yard. Sweet!

So let’s review first. Here’s the best photos I have of our back yard “before”s -- I didn’t really stop to think about how we’d need before photos out there, so they aren’t like great visual aids, but they help. Unfortunately I don’t have any befores from the back of the yard just looking towards the house.  So I’ll try to piece what I have together so you get the idea.

This is the family room window. And when craning to look left you can see the sunroom.

The family room is on the ground level. The sunroom is up a set on a foundation. So there was an awkward step up from a sidewalk onto the deck when exiting the family room. It felt like a tripping hazard. And the sidewalk collected yard debris easily, from the wind blowing it into the valley that it was.



The deck made a straight cut around a LARGE locust tree. (It was dying and we had it removed for safety reasons.)
But the deck angled out harshly from the sunroom. It was a strange feeling layout. Jarring to the eye. But I can see what they were doing. And based on the breaker box, I think there was a hot tub on the non-angled area back in the day -- which would have felt like there was more flow and logic.
tree gone!

These bushes used to be right next to those white chairs (you can see their stumps if you look) and it severed the ablity to walk into the back yard from the side entrance. Not sure what that was about. 

Here is looking from the sunroom towards the family room.

And the deck’s angle-out from the sunroom

Here’s a few random family photos (and a selfie), that are about two years old, with the deck in it.





The yard was crazy over-grown. I think at one point it was very nicely landscaped. But I think over the years it saw little to no care.

So we had to chop down a LOT of stuff.

Last Fall Blake pulled up our deck.

You may have picked up that we were not into it at all. AND we needed to address drainage issues for the yard which affect the family room. So there was no saving it.
Putting the family room on the ground level was not great planning, and when it rains too much, water seeps right under it’s door crack.


So after a lot of thinking, talking to different people and planning we (well mostly Blake, because this stuff doesn’t click with me) came up with a plan.
We decided to have a sunken patio with a sump pump placed in the bottom. This way there is a place to collect the water (that is not our family room) and a pump to take it away from our family room.
As well as we decided to re-grade the yard. The ground wasn’t correctly angled. Yards are intended to let rain water flow towards the property lines, and then to the street. Our yard was aiming the water at --- you guessed it -- our family room.
So while we were digging out the patio, we also just went at most the yard as well to correct that.


So here are the videos where I walk you around. This one is after the deck is gone, but before we do the digging. (I don’t really remember all that I said here. Hopefully it’s not too random and confusing.)
 
And here is what it looked like after the excavator.

If you don’t really want to/ can't watch the video, here are a few photos.


So here’s the yard after the deck and tree, before the digging:


 Our stunning view we’ve had for some time now. :) It’s exactly like living directly off the ocean -- vacation views 24/7 over here. ;)
And our side yard that started out a weed infested area used to house rotting fireplace wood.
 Then the excavator came -- he was great fun to watch.



And now our view looks like this:
Which I gotta be honest, really does feel much more serene than it used to. It’s just nice to see progress and less chaos -- at least the weeds are currently at bay.

But anyway you can see the deeper rectangle part -- that will be the sunken portion.

You can’t tell in the photos, but in there is a something of a half circle area from under the sunroom door over to the brick wall. That will be an oversized “step”/ level which will be how we transition the heigh difference there.

 But yeah, so now the yard drains the right directions.
 And the side yard has also been scrapped down to drain more appropriately as well. (Blake did that part for us! Yay Blake!)

And we are currently----here:
 I cannot explain it -- I will not try. I’ve left everything in Blake’s capable hands. And I’ve picked out the patio pavers. :)
 
The above pavers will be the ground level.
The lower picture is how we plan to do the retaining wall areas.

(At least that’s what we’ve got going in our minds thus far) I just really wanted a classic traditional brick look since the house has brick.
We are leaning towards the brick color “autumn mix” instead of the bold red -- our house is red brick -- but not RED brick -- so I think this is a better route. I think the red-red might wind up looking like the family room fireplace red I had to white wash.

Anyway, I’m thinking I’d like it laid in a herring bone pattern.

Maybe an extra thick rectangle border in the sunken part, sorta like this?
Pretend the white floor center part above is herring bone, and you’ll get it better.

As for the sunken part, we are planning built in benches -- not in this style at all -- but the layout concept.



You can see my pinterest random attacks at brainstorming here.

Blake thinks that’s do-able. And I’m doing my best to just trust him. But I do keep panicking. For some reason this patio has me very apprehensive -- I don’t know how to do outdoor things -- inside I’m set -- but outside I’m overwhelmed by inexperience. I’m just hoping I can pull off a good design scheme -- and that it’s one we can actually tackle.


There are a lot of steps left. 
Some landscape fabric, some backfill, some road pack, some sand, some retaining walls, the brick laying, some steps into the sunken part…I have no idea when we will get done. Before it’s too cold is the deadline….

(So you may have guessed we’ve not really addressed the rest of the sunroom right now. This took precedence because it’s actually structural integrity stuff -- keeping the family room from flooding. So once this is done we can go back the the sunroom ceiling and door and fans…)


Anyway -- as I can I’ll try to show you my interior fun as of late. But getting back into regular full time schooling is next up -- so who knows when I’ll get to what on here. Thanks for your love, patience and interest!



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