So I was gone for a week, visiting my parents. Well visiting my parents and house hunting.
I really felt God's leading on checking out this particular house that will be going on the market soon. Its early to be house hunting for our move in January. And without our original house sold yet, its all sorts of crazy puzzle-piece-missing finically. But if God said go, I wanted to go. Now we are waiting to see what He does. You can be praying for us in all that, if you want to!
I went without Blake. Just me and the girls (3 yrs old, and 1 yr old) on a (if there were no stops) 6 hour drive to my parents. It was like an 15 on the 1-to-10-scale-of-mom-bravery, for me. The drive there wasn't bad, miraculously. Just the last hour was hard. But the drive home a week later -- almost more than I could chew. I almost cried in the "World's Largest Truck Stop" because I was just so so so spent. Both girls screamed much of the way. And taking like 4 long stops didn't help much of anything. (Other than tire me out more.) When I had about 2 hours left to drive, started hearing Jillian Michaels talking to me from my 30 Day Shred DVD in my head -- "When we get to the finish line, we don't quit, that's when we finish strong." (That thing inspires on on so many levels its hilarious. I nearly cry every time she says that during my work out -- it speaks so much to me about so many things! I'm such a sap.)
But we are home now. And we lived. And now I am tougher. On Sunday, Blake was playing Bass for the worship team -- and well, pre-taking-that-trip I had really dreaded getting the girls to church on my own when he was already gone. But post-taking-that-trip, getting the girls to church on my own wasn't even on the scale of 1-to-10-of-mom-bravery -- it was like like breathing. (Granted mom-breathing can get kinda breathless at times -- but that's just all in a days work.)
Oh and I wanted to show you this cool travel bed we picked up a while back. Jasmine is too big for a pack and play now (we had kept her in one way too long when we traveled because we didn't know what else to use.) But then I saw this inflatable toddler bed in the store the other day I thought it was perfect.
And boy is it. Jasmine is such a roleypoley she really needs the sides of the bed -- she's in so many different sleep poses every night.
It packs up smaller than a pack and play.
And usually we only have to travel with this bed because the grandparents each house a pack and play for Ruby for us. But if we need to we can pack them both easily.
(Hmm...this prospective makes the pack and play look bigger -- but its not. The beds much longer.)
Its pretty handy. (No I'm not getting paid to tell you that. I kinda wish I was -- but I'm not. ;) )
P.S. Just a reminder....that if you had wanted to contribute to my c-section recovery project the "deadline" is this week. (I say "deadline" because I'm totally not gonna reject late correspondence, and... I'm not feeling the most prompt lately, but ya know, I can try. ;) )
Last year, while I was pregnant, Blake discovered something called the High Trussel Trail Bridge.
He was instantly in love with it, and wanted to get me there.
Being slightly absorbed with other things (initially a VBAC and then 2 little kids), I kept kind of shooing the idea away.
Its about a half hour from our house. And then it includes about a mile (I think) walk to get to. The two things combined seemed reason enough to put it off.
It's raining outside today in Iowa.
I had so hoped it would rain the day you were born. (Well, either rain or be so perfectly nice out that I could labor outside in the wind.) But there was a drought last year. It was a hard year in Iowa. At least for me and the farmers. They were worried about growing a crop. I was worried about getting you born.
I had never birthed a baby all on my own before. When your sister was born, a doctor helped me do it. Getting you born was something I wasn't sure I could do. I prayed a lot. And I cried a lot. And you just patiently waited. God kept you safe inside me, safe from my worries. Safe from my fears. Safe from my sadness.
It was always hot outside. And sticky. And every day the weather woman (who also had a baby in her belly) would say, it will rain. And I would think, when it rains, you will come. And every day weather.com would revise it's forecast, and it would never rain. The rivers dried up, and the ground cracked. And I waited.
When I finally cried it all out. When I finally felt every fear. When I finally dried up inside. I felt strong enough to wait. I calmed down and lived my life that day.
And that night you said, "Hey, mommy.... I think I'm ready."
You whispered in your water. And my arms heard you. My hands held you from the outside, and we sat together making a game plan, speaking without words, without thought -- without any thoughts, but speaking the deepest language I've ever known. Sat in silence together for a whole hour. And then my body said, "It's your birthday." And together we moved until you were here.
This year, it rained.
Last year was hard.
And this year is good.
It's fast.
And faster.
But good,
and better.
I marvel at your being, Ruby. You are nothing like me last year. You are all smiles. And all joy. (Well unless you are getting 4 teeth at the same time -- then you are the spitting image of me last year -- screaming angry and sad ;) But other than that, you are just SO happy. You are the happiest person I have ever met in my life! ) You have been a balm on my aches. You are a gift. I can't even begin to feel the depths of how glad I am that I said yes to God when he whispered silent sensations to my heart, "Would you have this special baby I have for you? I know it scares you, but would you do it? It's a blessing you need. You will miss it if you wait. You need to trust me. You need to say yes, to have this one." I can't imagine my life without you. I can't imagine my heart without you. You are a special girl. You are my special gift.
I wanted to fill out your baby calendar this year. I wanted to do everything just right for you. But when I started that calendar I couldn't do it. My heart was still kinda shaky. I was still trying to figure out how faith came into how both my girls came into the world. And baby calendars well, they had a sad feeling to them for me. And I wanted to meet this year with joy. I hope you don't mind that I didn't write down your firsts. I watched them all with joy. I felt them all serenely. And you met them all with ease.
Its been so fun for me to see your personality come to light. (I know you've always had it, but it takes time for me to decipher it.) I've enjoyed seeing how you are different than your sister. (I used to have an impression that if I compared my kids it would mean I was loving one better. But it's actually so different. I see your differences and love you each more.)
Jasmine as a baby was always working. Working so hard to accomplish her goals. She would grunt and growl as she tried from month one to start moving. Of course it took her what seemed like forever (to her) to crawl, but she was working at it hard from the start. Even attempting to crawl my shoulder as a new born, making the tiniest growl. She liked tasks. And she's good at teaching herself to do them. And she loved cuddles. She wanted to be close to me all the time. She loved to nurse, hungry or not. She didn't care for solid for till she was over a year old. (She still isn't too excited about food in general. And has very specific tastes.) She hated the car seat with a passion. She was an easy teether. She has a pretty intense level of pain tolerance. She could make it through blood draws without tears some days. She wasn't a big fan of sleep but would try to learn to do it after some protest. She didn't worry to much about babbling. She was busy thinking inside.
You, on the other hand, Ruby... You haven't worked towards anything. Not in a lazy way. Nope that's not it at all. You just notice its possible and you go, and smile and laugh and enjoy the whole time before it is possible. You have always been content. And then one day you would just be doing something. You are good at what you do. And you are good at waiting for it. You are someone who does NOT enjoy teething, and you don't mind voicing your opinion about that. Actually, that's true of you at any moment you are displeased (its not often, but when you are...) you like to tell us your feelings. You've been someone who likes to sleep. You were shockingly easy to put to bed. That is until you learned to pull up, and then you were sadly hard to get to sleep for a good month or more (and crying it out is a concept you are certain is nothing more than folklore.) After the novelty of standing wore of, you went back to bed, but you were spoiled from all the rocking. (And don't let those baby books fool you --- that was the only way any of us were getting sleep that month. I tried other stuff. You just wanted to stand, and you were angry as all get-out that you couldn't sleep while doing so.) As far as food. I knew right away you would love it. You've always tolerated nursing for nourishment, but you really never comfort nursed, ever. You were always irritated that you needed nurse and still wait for the letdown before you were feed. You often would try to give up on the whole idea of eating right then, because you just saw no point in nursing unless there was food involved. I would usually let down about 2 mins after you moved on, and I would have to convince you that it was worth a second try. All that said, you've never taken a bottle. (ha. Silly girl.) It made it hard for mommy to leave you home with Daddy. But he did let me get out about one night a week, and did his best for you. Around 4 months you showed signs of wanting grown up food, but I made you wait till you were 6 months old. Sheryl (our midwife) told me to let you feed yourself soft foods. So at 7 months (right after she told me that) you were a self feeder and have never looked back. You don't want momma putting anything in your mouth, you'll do it yourself! You like pretty much every food you try. And you like to eat. You usually don't mind your carseat. And as a small baby you were happy to sit in it at the store (Jasmine would have no such thing!) You are independent, and not too snuggly. Sometimes you like to snuggle, and it store it up in my heart. But most the time you like to entertain yourself. And I treasure that too! (It's really helpful for me as a momma of two!) You are a sweet combo of people loving and self-contenting. You do like to snuggle blankets and pillows. If you see something like that on the floor you crawl over and faceplant as fast as possible! So cute! You've always been quite verbal. You've liked making sounds so much more than your sister did. I wonder how much you will chat me up in another year or so. Right now you say: Momma. (And Jasmine always adamantly replies to you, if you say it in her vicinity: "I'm NOT your MOMMA!" ha!) Dat-da (almost always whispered excitedly.) Alldu (all done.) Ball. You've just started yesterday signing "please" with your hands. You wave (your WHOLE arm) bye bye. Blow kisses. And your new fav is hand-over-mouth-repeatdly as you make noise. (You learned that in the car on our way to Papa & Granny's this last weekend. I did it to you to help calm you down on the long drive. And then all of us started doing it together for like 10 mins. Everyone thought it was hilarious. So you love to do it now.)
So yeah,
a year and 6 hours ago, you were born.
And it was good!
In about a half hour,
I will be one year out from the start of my VBAC labor.
All day long I've been revisiting this day last year: June 8th, 2012.
So many thoughts. So many emotions. So many ways to process it all.
Mostly I just sit and watch it like a movie. And I shake my head and say, I can't believe it. It was so amazing.
So amazing that it happened.
So amazing that I survived. (emotionally) (And well, maybe in some people's mind's physically as well -- as I did a home birth after a previous c-section.)
So amazing that I signed up for the entire thing. (Pregnancy despite: fear, unknown everything (job, next place we would live, next person who would deliver my baby, how that baby would get out), and faith I felt was too weak to make it through.)
So amazing that the baby I got out of the deal is just the sweetest, happiest, fun-est, easy-going-est amazing little being who seems just totally oblivious of the fact she was swimming in pregnancy terror hormones for 10 months. (Yeah...I was pregnant forever.) She is her own person. Very unique, and not made out of my striving. She has His fingerprints all over her smiley face cheeks.
God, I am feeling just so grateful today for the way you have blessed me. Over and over. More than I asked, and I felt like I asked A LOT. Thank you.
The sunset tonight was pink and purple. And the air was thick for the first time this year, at least thick in the same way it was everyday last summer. And I finally felt it. In the sensation of time travel that air brought, I finally felt how, yes, it has been a whole year since Ruby was born. I can't believe it in so many ways. The time has flown by --- I had been saying that it felt like just yesterday that I did that whole home birth business. But tonight with the thick slimy summer air sliding over my ears, I finally realized how long ago it really was, and just how different I am now. Just how far I am from terrified. Just how calm I am in the July air now. Just how deeply I know some things. And how adamantly I feel them for others, not just myself. And how fiercely I want to fend for anyone I understand after all this.
If you have had a c-section (and ache over it) and don't know if you'll ever VBAC, at least know this -- that someone knows how strong you are.
I know you are strong.
I know you are.
And if you never know it. I know it.
I want to smear it on you like paint.
A badge of honor.
You are so, so, so much stronger than you know.
When my second daughter was placed on my chest, on the floor of her room, after 2 years of me doubting myself, I finally felt proud of my c-section, because I finally saw that it was a bigger act of womenhood and a deeper gift to give as a mother -- for me to have gone there and done that and kept on going, than it ever was to naturally birth. That was the first real sensation I had after her VBAC birth -- I remember laying my head down closing my eyes and knowing I had always been strong, I just took a long time to accept it.
But I just realized that I left out my new favoritest-favorite!
One of the hardest parts of new motherhood is finding time to wash your hair...
which is why I have fallen in love with:
Cocoa Powder as Dry Shampoo!
I won't judge you for judging me.
It does sound gross initially.
But after I tried it one time, I was hooked.
My mom has blonde hair and when I was in that awkward junior high stage she told me about how: when she was a kid, she used baby powder sprinkled in her hair to make it look not greasy between washes. I tried it, but as brunette that was always hard to pull off. You have to be really sure you rub it all in, or you have flour head. And even after you rub it in your hair looks kinda grayed.
After Jasmine was born I tried some cheapo store bought dry shampoo but I wasn't impressed. The stuff that came out was white, so there was the same hide-this-stuff issue as the baby powder. BUT it also has this extremely strong sent that overwhelmed me. I couldn't stand it! I threw it away and was just new-mom-greasy.
Recently I heard of using cocoa powder. (I can't remember where, but it was not Pinterest, I think it was a talk show.) It took me a long time to want to go that far. (It was actually seeing someone use cocoa powder as bronzer on a different talk show that made me think, "Ok ok I've got to give cocoa powder more credit.") (I have also tried it as bronzer....it works!)
I put some in a salt shaker and sprinkled it on my head. On first try I was in love. It blends right in my hair. It does an awesome job of hiding the grease. It actually gives me tons of body. (Which is great with my thinned out new mom hair.) (It gives me so much body that I actually like my hair more on the cocoa days than the just washed days.) The color also helped during my " 'wow my hair looks crazy thin right now' pre growing back" stage to make me look less bald.
All that and I like how it smells. I mean its chocolate. (Who doesn't like the sent of chocolate?) But its subtle. I also enjoy how it smells washing it out (not so subtle then). Mmm.
Let me show you.
1. Start with dirty hair. (The iPad must have been feeling loyal today, I couldn't convince her to actually show you just how greasy I looked.)
2. Shake, shake, shake
3. Get it everywhere -- I lift up sections all around my head and get it so my whole scalp area is powdered up.
I think Day 2 with the help of cocoa is even better than they were on Day 1! Nice!
If you have red hair, Ghirardelli's cocoa is surprisingly red in tone. (Also like way more delicious than the cheapo brands.) I bet it would work well for ya.
If you have light brown hair, you could mix cocoa with corn starch till you get a color to match.
If you are blonde, go for straight corn starch. Sorry you won't get to smell like chocolate. But you can scent corn starch with essential oils -- so you can pick your favorite.
Don't let the weirdness of this keep you from trying it once.
Honestly the store bought dry shampoo is pretty much the same deal (they often use clay), they just figured out how to get it in a spray form.
I remember randomly coming across some women's blog one day, soon after getting married, and well before becoming a mom.
This blogger had boasted in a post about how she did NOT have mom hair.
In my youth, I didn't stop to admit that I never really considered "mom-hair" outside of maybe like the phenomenon when a new mom chops her hair off. But I did stop to wrongfully judge her hair as "so-not-cool-I-don't-know-why-she-is-bragging." And maybe that's a good case to show you don't do yourself any favors when you brag, cause it leaves you are wide open for criticism.
BUT anyway, that's so not the point of this post.
My point is, I have since learned that there is something about being a mom that really kills your hair.
I did not realize that pregnancy hair is destined to fill up your bathtub drain for months on end, after you give birth (3 months after -- approximately.)
And that, as that hair fell out, my hair was becoming thinner than it had ever been or I ever thought it would be (since all of it was now in my drain pipe.)
I remember being a kid and hearing my second cousin, who had just had a baby, talk about how her feet were bigger and her hair was different. As a sevenish-year-old that all sounded like the coolest stuff ever -- being a grown up but still growing...awesome! Having hair that changes...awesome! She told me how some women's hair gets curly after it wasn't. Or turns brown after having been blonde. I remember excitedly telling her that was the coolest thing in the world and I hope it happened to me!!!!
Cut to being 27 and I no longer felt that way. The curly hair I had once spent years praying would turn straight, but had since learned to love (and love a lot) was now turning straight! But it wasn't straight-straight. But it wasn't curly. It was just flat on top and big on the bottom. And messy looking no matter what.
THEN
Add in the fact that oh...yeah....when I don't get enough sleep and I have 5 mins tops to shower and get dressed (before my baby insisted I pick her up)....I really just didn't even want to try to style my hair or do makeup. (And besides, you know I'm not leaving the house yet...like I want to try to breastfeed out of the house -- me and that boppy, the non-latching baby, and the "stunning outfits" I have to dawn on my postpartum figure that doesn't fit into any of my clothes or any bra sizes known to man...errr woman.)
But I had it in my head that I for some reason was competing with Hollywood mom's getting "caught" by paparazzi. So I felt like I should try.
(Note: Don't get in that mind frame...its dumb.)
So...yeah...anyway... mom hair:
Its not a fact of "giving up" like I had supposed wrongly before I got there.
Its like a force of nature, you don't get a say in.
But don't dispare.
You aren't bound to grossness.
There are ways to help. And by the way...its just a stage of life...don't freak out....your babies will get older and you will have time to style again. You haven't fallen into shambles before your time.
Clearly this hair salvation is not a one size fits all solution time.
Everyone has different hair to start with. So if you are expecting, I'd suggest you spend some time figuring out ways to do your hair in 5 mins or less (preferably 3 or less really.) Because then you'll have the ninja mom skills you need when your baby says "NOT HAIR TIME>>>MEEE TIME!!!!"
But I was just gonna share a few of the things that worked well for me.
I was gonna do pictures....but who am I kidding. I'm not that cool. I'm doing good to accomplish these things, I don't have it together enough to photograph the evidence. (And I'm also scared to see them in "print" --- they may not be as pulled together as I think they are.)
My first solution after having Jasmine was the sock bun.
I found this BEFORE pinterest existed. I just googled "ways to do hair over night."
I was showering at night and wanted to just get up in the morning and be ready.
(And by ready I mean, not hate walking by the mirror.)
This was an awesome solution for my not-really-curly-definetly-not-straight postpartum hair.
This type of hair trick is now all over pinterest done by many a lady....and the sock bun even has some "as seen on tv" gadgets instead of socks out there.
But I thought I'd pay homage the the girl who helped my mom-life out quite a bit by using her video.
This is who showed me how to do the bun.
And the fact that it makes curls.
I had layers at the time so I needed to do two buns.
I'd wash my hair at night, dry it with the blow dryer till it was just a pinch damp.
Then I would put my hair half up, and bun up that part. Then I would put the bottom half in a pony tail and bun that.
Its really easy to sleep on. I'd take it out in the morning, and worked really great for me.
I felt much more pulled together.
This time around I cut my hair off after Baby #2 because I finally got around to my goal of donating my hair.
So for a long time there wasn't much to be done to it. (My curly hair isn't always good short -- but lucky for me..I've matured a lot and didn't care if I looked like a hot mess. :) )
Last night I tried the head band curls
That worked well for my medium length hair. It's also nice because the underneath of my hair is still short from my cut and its reaches that.
When I took it out this morning I was like "Woah I look awesome."
However....when I went back by the mirror it had mellowed into just ok.
Which is definitely better than gross, but I wish I could figure out to to make it stay the way it was.
Other than that...
I really like putting my hair up.
These twisty spin pins are awesome for buns. BUT they also are great for all sorts of random updos.
and securing the twist by screwing those spin pins up into the twist. And into the bun.
I really like that look on me lately. (But mine is no where near as polished as this one -- I'm usually into messy looks anyway -- which just happens to work well with this stage of life too! ha!)
And its actually really fast.
I just kinda roll my hair towards my head (I do both sides) (But I do like the bin to the side like this) and put a ponytail holder at the base. Then use the twisty pin to keep the roll in place. Then kinda blob the bun over on itself and twirl a pin into that.
Also these twisty combs were great for a french twist look when my hair was shorter. It was one of the only ways I could get my hair up at first. And I still like doing it that way now too.
(This isn't the prettiest photo -- but it shows the idea well.)
I feel pretty polished with this look.
I was lucky enough to find both these types of hair gadgets at the dollar store! But they normally have them at Target and the like for a bit more cash.
I bought two packs of the spin pins (which means I have 4 pins) and that is enough for me. (But I kinda kick myself for not also grabbing a pack of the mini ones too because sometimes the regular size is too long and sticks out.)
And I bought 3 of the twisty combs to keep my short layers in check, but two usually cuts it for me now.
So yeah... just a few thoughts on ways I use to not feel so hair "bla" when small ones taking up all my time.
Edit in: Oh wait I forgot one important thing: DYI Dry Shampoo --- See Here for details.
