Little Tiny Happinesses

Does anyone else have a hard time fitting the big store sized bottle of mouthwash in their bathroom?

I always have, in either house we've lived in.
It doesn't fit in the medicine cabinet, and and I don't like having it under the sink -- not very baby proof.

So I wanted to find a travel bottle to keep a smaller portion of mouthwash in, that will actually fit in our medicine cabinet. (So I could put the big bottle away in the linen closet.)

I also wanted to do the same thing with some olive oil. That's what I use to take off my mascara. (Works perfect -- all natural and good for the skin!)

And well, I have this thing where I basically can not separate form and function --- if it functions it needs good form, if it has nice form I need it to function. So I didn't want just any old travel bottle. I wanted a cute travel bottle. I was just keeping my eyes open in the sample and travel sized isles of stores, but hadn't seen much cuteness.

Then during a walk through Hobby Lobby I chanced down the isle that has fancy sand for projects. And they have these little plastic bottles that are intended for sand art, for like $0.75 - $0.99 a piece. They were prefect! Just the right size and cute shapes!

So now my medicine cabinet functions with form!

Just a little smile for me every morning and night.

I love little things like this.

 It brings me more joy than it probably should! :)

Seriously,

How pretty does that olive oil look!? 

mmm.

*Now I just need to figure out something to hold my coconut oil. (I use it for moisturizer. Super good for you!) 
That one's more tricky because its solid at coolish room temperate -- so it needs a large mouth opening. So far I haven't come up with a good solution for that.

Hiccups

So you know how before I was freaking out about 

where

I would feel the baby's hiccups,

because I was sure feeling them up high meant she was breach?

And you know how I was told the baby is head down on Friday?

And how Blake and I both were shown how to feel her head?

I keep feeling hiccups up high again... 

but we feel her head down low.

Weird.

I googled, and apparently many women with head-down babies (confirmed with Ultrasound) feel hiccups in their ribs. Crazy.

I copy and pasted this from one forum, because I never even thought of this, and it makes a lot of sense to me in regards to a lot of things in this pregnancy.

"such a great question! my boy is definitely head down (confirmed again via u/s 2 weeks ago) and i feel his hiccups ONLY up high!!! i am pretty sure i feel his little bottom "bouncing" with each hiccup. i've felt VERY little down low this entire pregnancy ... and today i was wondering if having had a previous csection has left some of my lower area more "numb", if that makes sense. for instance, i am still numb around the area of my incision ... 10 years later! i constantly feel him up high ... moving almost nonstop most days, wiggling, squirming, pushing, shifting ... but maybe a few times total have i felt anything down lower."

Anyway, I found that so intriguing and insightful I thought I would post it.

30 Weeks Pregnant

What a week!
We spent a lot of it at the hospital.



Those park photos---

from last week---were taken on Tuesday, which was technically the first day of week 30.

29 Weeks Pregnant

So I need to start by saying, I think in my "If You Won't Say It, I Will" post, I successfully made everyone who's ever spoken to me, feel like they were the culprit inspiration for the post... You are not.

I wasn't trying to make anyone feel bad. And I wasn't trying to send any secret messages to anyone. I was just talking myself through a bunch of issues.

Honestly (and sadly) most of the VBAC/c-section statements I was working through, were made by medical staff that weren't in a position to make any sort of recommendations to me. People who may feel they were knowledgeable on the situation, but in actuality are just not in a place to know. Nurses, or non-OBGYN doctors, sonogram technicians, and the like.
And then the other general pregnancy annoying statements, usually came from grocery store encounters with strangers.
So unless you actually remember saying "Your pelvis is too small" (which I don't think you did, because the student health center doctor inspired that one) or some other specific statement I wrote about, then please know I wasn't implying it was you. But thank you for being concerned for my feelings. I appreciate it.


So, Week 29.

How did it go.

Pretty Well overall.

Getting Ready --- Sewing Up Some BabyWearing Fun

I've been sharing how its been really hard for me during this pregnancy to remember I'm having a baby, instead of super-focusing on getting ready for just the delivery.
So I thought, maybe I should shift my focus.
I've been highly focused on my end of things. So it stands to reason, if I change my view point I will change my outlook.

So I thought I should start thinking of baby-ness.
And for me, that equates to sewing baby things.

I have a bunch of projects in mind. But the first I completed was my baby wearing stuff.



I loved wearing J when she was little. And she loved being worn. (I technically could still wear her now, but she's not into it anymore.) I'm hoping this little one likes it too. I know it will come in handy, now with two.

With J, I used a Moby Wrap initially. And then we moved over to a ring sling when she was bigger. (I hadn't discovered a ring sling until that point.)
I loved them both.
The Moby was cozy and comfy. But on the down side, it was very hot (especially for a summer baby.) And not so easy to fit in my small diaper bag.
I found the ring sling to be very easy to use (really fast to get on and off), comfortable, and super easy to fit into the diaper bag. So it became my favorite.

I made myself a couple ring slings last time. So I was actually good-to-go on that front. But since I was in the mood, I made one more, as well as fancied-up the two I already had with a little tail embellishment. I just went to the fabric store and shopped for something pretty to sew onto the ends. So now I can have a bit more mommy-fashion fun.

The cranberry one is Dupioni Silk (If you buy a name brand silk sling you can spend close to $200! I got my fabric on clearance and spent about $15 for the whole thing.)

The black one is a cotton linen blend.  To which I added a bit of faux silk today. (I made that sling for even less)

The teal one is pure linen, with a bit of silk at the end. (This fabric was wide enough for two slings. I made one as a gift, and made the extra into mine.)

Making your own sling is really affordable.

28 Weeks Pregnant

     Well, I started this week feeling good ---- probably the most emotionally stable and confident I've felt this entire pregnancy. I just had a nice overall feeling of calm and peace and trust. I was feeling so good that, I was sure I was through my craziness completely and would have stable thoughts till July.

     Then yesterday I had a moodswing. One of those moodswings where, I clearly knew that I was experiencing one (so in theory I should be able to write it off, as "just a mood swing"), but it was so big all I could do was literally try and breath out and in slowly and with focus to keep control, instead of starring a tear festival. I was just feeling caught in the wave of it. Tossed about by it.
     I'm gonna say it was hormones. But I was just feeling overwhelmed by pretty much everything. Actually, I  wasn't freaking out about how the baby will end up coming out, for once. (Well, at least that wasn't the focus, it comes into play in small ways, with everything.) But I was freaking out about everything else. I was kinda stuck on money stuff (I am doing a lot of "extras" this pregnancy to help things along, like a chiropractor, gym membership, etc.) (So I guess in that way, it brings up how the baby will come out, because if paying for this stuff, doesn't help a VBAC happen, it kinda feels like a waste of money. But really its not because its good healthy things to do in general.) And I was also feeling like a bad mommy again for being so focused on getting ready for labor, and not for a baby. Plus J was having a really rough afternoon, and I was trying to get some things done and she was getting her feelings hurt, so I was feeling like I was being a bad mom again. Therefore, I wasn't feeling sure I can take care of two.  Bla bla bla. Lots of "not doing good enough" thoughts.


     On top of that. I had my 1st Chiropractic adjustment yesterday morning. (Which is a good and happy thing.) But he told me I would feel sore from it, while my muscles get used to being where they should be. Well he spoke the truth. I was sore! (I am sore today too.) So that just made the tasks I was trying to complete that much harder. And it made me feel that much bigger/more-pregnant to be feeling so tight and achey.

     Blake was so sweet and talked me through everything and really helped me get back on top of my emotions. I guess he will be an expert in getting me through craziness by the time this baby needs to come out, which will definitely come in handy! So there's the silver lining for the disaster that my emotions have been.


      I'm starting to feel big. (Why hello, third trimester!)

If You Won't Say It, I Will

I don't know how this post is going to come across. It could sound really angry or bitter. But thats not where I'm at. I'm actually in a rather happy place. I just want to work something out with myself. And this post is part of how I plan to do it.


It seems that people don't know what to say to pregnant women. I don't think they want to say mean things to pregnant women. At least I want to believe that they don't want to. I can't see why that would be something to strive for, to hurt the feelings of women nurturing new life. But it seems they often do. I can't say why. I think often its out of misplaced concern and care. But I also think it could stem from some hurts they have. Either way, in my experience thus far (with about 70 weeks worth of pregnancy collectively under my belt) it seems people rarely say what you would hope they would say to you, in this amazing stage of life.
I was talking to Blake and confiding in him some of the things I've longed to hear from people, and the statements I've heard instead.
The longer its been since that conversation, the more I've come to the conclusion that the things I wish I would hear, are already true whether anyone will say them to me or not. So I've decided to go ahead and say them to myself.  If they won't say it, I will. I think it will be good for me.

(ICAN) International Cesarean Awareness Network

Written: 4/4/12

Of course, having had a c-section and hoping for a VBAC, I've heard of ICAN.

Mainly, I had seen their website and knew they wanted to lower the cesarean rate in America. All well and good, yes, but honestly it felt irrelevant to me. (It seemed very detached from my existence.)

I had vaguely noticed that sometimes you could go to a meeting they had somewhere. But I didn't think it would have much to do with me. And I kinda thought they would somehow be spending the whole time telling me all the ways I could have avoided my c-section with endless stats, which in my situation may be too generalized.

Sunday we finally got to meet my doula face to face. (With moving and such, we had only emailed or talked on the phone.) She told me that there was an ICAN meeting happening in a nearby town on Tuesday night. She thought it would be great for me. Part of me was really intrigued. Part of me still didn't want much to do with it. I was kinda just waiting to see how I felt on Tuesday, to see if I'd go.

27 Weeks

In honor of reaching my 3rd Trimester, I've decided to switch it up. I think I will be abandoning the usual format, for a more free form update from now on. It just suits me.

The end of this pregnancy is getting closer and closer.
I can't believe it.
It really does feel so fast this time.

28 Weeks with #2

(I always write about the week before, while posting a photo from the start of the next)

I'm just starting to feel adjusted to everything -- the clothes, the interactions, the sensations.
And I'm realizing it will all be changing again soon.
I'm almost sad about it.

I know I've spent a lot of time this pregnancy worrying and freaking out. But I've also been able to (in moments of clarity) enjoy this pregnancy more than I did last time, in different ways.

• I don't look for stretch marks.
• I don't worry about clothes.
• I'm way less concerned about how people see me physically.
• I am actually enjoying looking pregnant this time. 
• When I think about getting bigger, its not in the way I did last time -- all worried about being a "beast." Now I just recognize, in a rather unemotional way, that I will still be growing. (The only emotions that come with that are the ones that come when I remember how hard it is to hoist a 9 month pregnant belly out of bed, for the millionth time to pee at night. Its pretty hard to look forward to that.)

 *Lets be honest, yes, I do feel large at times. Particularly when standing next to skinny college girls in the locker room after a good swim. But I am so much more able to pull myself out of that mental space this time around, and realize all sorts of good things about my body now.
(Speaking of locker rooms, if you are ever feeling self conscious while in one, causally watch the other girls interact with themselves in the mirror and you will very quickly realize that we all feel self conscious in a locker room. And just knowing that can be incredibly freeing.)

Where are my feet?

I am really grateful that I'm not dealing with the emotions of last pregnancy in this pregnancy. (During which I was emotionally devastated to be getting bigger and bigger, even though I knew to expect that -- I just didn't handle it the way I had hoped.)
I mean, I'm having a really rough go emotionally this time, trying to work through my c-section while looking forward to another birth. So maybe all pregnancies have difficult emotions. But I'm just glad I didn't try and combine last time's difficulties into this pregnancies difficulties, I couldn't have stood under all that strain. I'm grateful, to be grateful about at least my shape this time. :)

He said: "More Butt"

I feel more physically aware of this baby inside me, than I was with J, even if I do feel less emotionally focused on her than I would like while I'm working through my stuff. (When I was pregnant with J, I would try and envision her, and it would be so abstract and vague. Like I'd try to imagine a baby and she would just be this little speck in there, or I could only imagine her as an adult. Neither of which helped at all.)
I feel more able to recognize this little one as a baby when she moves. I can imagine holding her.


This week my mom came to visit us

and she took us to get a 3D sonogram.
It was a strange combination of emotions for me.
But I think the best thing I got from it was a pretty big awakening emotionally towards this little life.
I can't believe how stunningly beautiful she is already.
Seeing her sweet little face (and going back and looking at the photos over and over) really started to open up those momma valves in my heart. (Its been a slow process, not an instant one.)

I'm gonna be honest. I've been crazy self focused through this pregnancy.  I'm still wresting that to the ground. But looking at her sweet little lips, cute little nose, soft round cheeks really makes me take breaks from my runaway-train-of-thoughts to remember that God put her on my heart before she was ever here.
So often I have doubted my ability to get through this pregnancy and birth still emotionally in tact. Wondering how I could have thought I was ready for this yet, wondering what God was thinking giving me this intense of a responsibility that I don't feel equipped for.
But seeing her face make me remember the feelings I got soon after J's 1st birthday --- that there was someone God was asking me to welcome. That there was a very certain baby he was asking me to be willing to trust Him with. That there was this moment where I needed to say "ok" to even if it terrified me, because He has a plan bigger than me.
And getting to see her sweet little face inspires me to know it really was Him who called me to this.
Which means I can get through it, even when it feels like I can't.

(I should also say, Little Lady #2 is looking very healthy. She was measuring right on track for 27 weeks. And they measured her to 2lbs 4oz right now -- which is perfect for this age. The tech said she didn't think she would be 9lbs at birth. I liked hearing that, but I already promised myself not to listen to anyone's measurements and birth weight guesses this time around because I know how totally inaccurate they can be. I was just glad to hear she's growing the way she should. )

Random photo of J in her "BeeHat" 

(She loves it. And loves to say it ---"beehat")

My belly has been feeling really tight and full this week. So I'm surprised to see that the measurements I've been taking haven't grown yet from last week. It sure feels bigger! And I think it looks bigger. (What's going on here?) (Maybe my back is starting to curve more?)

My baffled face.

 (Blake says he loves this picture for some reason. So I thought I would indulge him and include it.)

Overall I've been feeling pretty good, except for my inner thighs (mainly my left) have been incredibly sore. I think I somehow pulled a muscle while fitting squats into my daily activities. It hurts to swing my left leg forward when walking. (Darn trying to be healthy -- last time I had none of these random pulled muscles, since I spent the majority of that pregnancy on the couch! This "being healthy" IS good for me, right? ;) )

In random news, we went to see Hunger Games this week.
I was nervous that seeing it was going to make me sad.
And while it didn't make me sad during the movie, it has been endlessly coming back to the front of my mind and disgusting me. I'm starting to think I probably should not have watched it in this hormonal state. Oh well. I already saw it now. I've been trying to tell myself it was just fiction. But its not helping.

I will also say, that during the movie I started to think I was having a pregnancy health disaster. I started to sweat like a manic and was VERY tempted to start disrobing. I had a small amount of pop in celebration of date night, and thought I might be going into some kind of diabetic craziness. (I have had so little sugar this time in general, I thought my body was having a anger fest at having any at all.) But come to find out, I was just fine and not having a health scare ---- everyone in the theater was just as hot and sweaty. (Chalk it up to it being like summer at the end of March this year -- I'm assuming the theater hadn't turned on its air conditioning yet, and with the theater being totally full, it was a sauna in there.) So I think the stress of the movie mixed in with the internal stress I was having (worrying about how I was "certainly going to fail my upcoming glucose test", since this is how I thought I was responding to a few swallows of pop.) It all came together in a very intense, actual sweaty mess that extra-imprinted the movie onto the stressful spaces of my memory! Like I can't detach the stress of real life from the stress of the movie because they happened at the same time.
I don't recommend combining all those factors at once!

In Iowa news: I'm pretty excited over a chinese take out place we tried Sunday night. "Homestyle Chinese Cooking." Some friends recommend it a while ago. We looked it up online -- because we needed to remember where it was --- and people were giving it glowing reviews. I was very hesitant to get excited over it because of what I referred to as the "Ames-effect."
     Honestly, its just been hard to get used to living in a new area. I miss the stuff I am used to. And well, before we moved we were told "You can find anything in Ames." Having never set foot in Iowa, I took them at their word. Apparently, I just have a different take on "anything" than the people making this statement. And this different take has made it hard to not feel disappointed every time I wish Ames has something that I am used to, and its nowhere to be found.
     So, when looking into Chinese food, I was kinda going with the disappointed vibe, and assuming that this food would just be ok, not good.
     WELL, I was pleasantly shocked at how phenomenal it was.
It is by far the best chinese food I have ever had -- or even imagined having. Wow. I think I could live off their hot and sour soup for the remainder of my days!
Yay Ames -- you may be able to win me over yet.
      While reading the reviews online we learned that this take out place seems to have an infamously spicy dish, which apparently is sooo spicy that the owners try talk you out of it. (And I believe this too-hot-to-handle hype, because their standard "hot" dish was not dumbed down for whimpy Americans, it had a very nice kick to it.)
Well... I've marked my calendar -- I have a date with that dish this June. :)
(Hear me little girl? You want to come out before I break out the big guns!)